I have seen the evidence of this type of through thick and thin friendship amongst males. Okay my anecdotal proof wouldn’t stand up in court but this homey brotherly-ness is something I rarely see in women…in spite of the #MeToo movement. There, I said it! And let’s face it, the #MeToo movement would hardly have been necessary had women had each others backs in the first place!
An example was a news story I read about a man beating up his wife for no good reason. He had pounded her face into a red/black mush. The man found great support in the news story comments from men who were inventing reasons on the go as to why it was reasonable for the beating to occur because some way, some how, she must have provoked him.
In this case it actually was not her fault. Not that anything justifies a beating, but she had received her black and purple eyes on mere suspicions derived from all the jealous craziness dreamt up by her whacko attacker.
Apart from a few lone sane men on the comments, most were backing the pyscho. This is a beefier bro code version of the piece at the top i.e we will back our bruh through thick and thin, right or wrong.
What Say You?
Am I wrong? Have you examples of women backing other women to the hilt…right or wrong? In fact especially when they know it’s wrong to back them, just to keep up the sister code?
Is there even a sister code? I’ve heard of the girl code but I’ve never seen it in action. Is it basically a myth?!
68 thoughts on “Men V Women Chapter 9000!”
Ive recently really enjoyed reading about the differences between men and women especially the way we make decisions and think. In the world today where the dynamics are changing between men and women there are number of challenges we face. I think especially the changes have an effect on the masculine – feminine polarity in relationships,. But change is good and there’s always going to be bumps along the way!
The changes are certainly going to certainly take time to find it’s feet and it’s a particularly strange patch to do try and do it as everything is so divisive at the moment!
Friendship is such a complex thing. Sometimes we say something to someone about someone else because we don’t want to get anyone into trouble – and we don’t want to rat on our friends because we might get into trouble too.
All true. I like to keep out of this kind of drams! But if pushed I just tell it as it is.
How is your book coming along?
Book is coming along 😀
This is a very thought provoking post. There is a “Bro Code” in society and it really is not healthy or flattering. Canada is not the patriarchal society like what might be found in some countries where the power structure right from organized society to individual relationships is male dominated. We pride ourselves as a country of equal rights and it looks all good on the surface. Until you go in to a place like a gym locker room as I do several times a week and men have the sympathy and backing of friends and even complete strangers who will join in on the conversations.
I am fortunate to have a father who loved, esteemed, supported and backed my mom to the nth degree. My dad died when I was 15, but it always left an impression on me. And I have tried to raise my boys to treat women with the utmost dignity and respect. I choose my male friends very carefully who mirror those same values, and have several dear platonic friends that I have known for many years. The “Bro Culture” is definitely out there, but I choose not to be a part of it.
Thank you for sharing! 🙂
Thanks Carl. It does take a village of the like minded to drown out the loud, self absorbed, self entitled sex based ranting (and actions) that is becoming all too prevalent.
And indeed you ARE lucky to have such a cool father and right there is part of the problem. Many don’t and with Mom having her hands full lads look for guidance elsewhere.
There’s this whole online movement of men who go even further than my examples of male support and simply blame women for ALL of their failures.
I can’t tell where the line leaves sad lonely males and goes into mental illness propped up by other men in the same position.
Definitely a strange one.
Thank you. I am indeed very fortunate for my upbringing. A lot of sad, lonely males out there as you mentioned without any healthy identity. Very unsettling.
Now, on the abuse thing, I am happy to report that Mr. Weinstein, Esq. has just decided to turn himself into the hands of the police. (A few months ago, I was sure he was already in the can, but no…)
So there may be some justice somewhere after all…
We’ll see…It’s going to be interesting generally what happens from here.
yeah. It ain’t over. Seems he’s only indicted on two counts. Will Mr Vance Jr, let him go with a slap on the… wrist?
Dear Rebecca, I knew I had left something on the stove, so to speak.
Loved your story. I’m not too sure there is either a brother code or sister code.
Shouldn’t there be just a Friendship code?
(Do not worry, Daphne, I will always have your back)
Ha! We’ve got the friendship code! It’s the best one to have Cecil!
Stamford. Like it. 🙂
Always at your service ma’am. 🙂 How have you been? I was just about to drop you a comment. Long time no hear. All well? 🙂
All well Stamford dear, just that some fool only put 24 hours in the day and expected me to get everything done in that time. Been trying to find out who and negotiate with them about adding more hours but so far…nothing! Blog had to suffer. Missed it but quite enjoyed the break too. 😀
Breaks are good. Now 24? I always thought it was 25 hours a day… (There’s even a book about that) Cheers.
Lols, I’d look it up… if I had the time!
Virgil Gheorgiu. A must read.
I think everyone, men and women, are sometimes guilty of telling people what they want to hear whether they agree with them or not and social media often provokes the kind of mob mentality that doesn’t really exist in the real world. Really thought provoking post :O)
You make a good point. It’s a valid possible explanation for the men backing the wife beating oaf.
Men are more tribaI think not sure why it’s just a theory 🙂
True looking at football fans etc
I don’t think you are wrong I would like to think that recent events may change this but I can’t see it happening I mean have you seen those Japanese videos of women stripping women naked who are said to be having affairs with husbands? A whole bunch of women turn up and attack the woman but do nothing to the man. Its the man that owes the woman an explanation or faithfulness. That is what we are comtending with so as I say I think you are right.
Yes have stuck up a few videos and had this conversation before too.
I think you may be right!
Me being right is not unheard of! 😉
There should be more girl code in the world.
I’m not sure what I think if I’m honest. I have some great friends of both sexes and I feel that in any given situation they would support me where needed. i know that is just my experience but hey. Plus I think many women identified with Sex and The City because of the close relationship they all had and you can definitely imagine any one of them telling a white lie for their friend.
Oh and thanks for the heads up email. It is very much appreciated.:)
You’re welcome! 🙂
Women would defo get somewhere if we all had friendships like the Sex And The City women and also extended it out to other women not just our crew.
Its part and parcel of the brainwashing from a male dominated society #MeToo may go some way to change that hopefully.
We’ll see Cheryl.
I do have examples of women supporting each other. My sister took in her neighbour who was being repeatedly beaten by her husband and helped her a lot in getting away from him. I thin that women do support each other but I agree that it should happen more often.
Yeah to be honest *whisper* I remembered a few of these exact same examples after I had written the post, including a woman who received life changing injuries from being doused with acid for helping her friend escape a wife beater.
But perhaps what would also be good is if the examples didn’t have to be extreme and were normalised everyday occurencies.
I agree until women really start supporting each other like men tend to do MeToo is really going nowhere. I would love to see that happen.
We’ll see eh? Seems great on Twitter but lets see it in action….more.
I think I agree with the commenter that men probably lie better.
You may both have a point! 😀
I have good girlfriends who I’d like to think would have my back. They have been there for me before. I don’t think it’s all women.
No not all women, just noticing a trend.
I think you are right. 🙂
Lol I think that friendship thing is correct but if someone called me about my friends I wouldn’t think to lie! Maybe men are just big liars.
Good point! 🙂
My so called friends once left me at a club and went home. Thats girl code for you.
I hear of that a lot – how many times have you read about a girl being attacked after a night out? Where were her buddies?
I don’t know. I don’t have enough evidence either way. People say women are more bitchy but men can be really bitchy and it just gets called something else. I need more evidence I think.
No doubt I’ll supply that evidence in a future post lol.
I like to think that people are people and there isn’t a sex divide but having said that you might be right!
I’d like to have everything I want and no problems, however in the real world… lol.
I agree women don’t support each other and can be very bitchy.
Some of the bitchiest people I know / see have been men I’d have to say though.
I have my girl gang and I’d tell a few white lies for them so I don’t know if I agree with you The Ed. It’s crazy that men would be making excuses for a wife beater. Sad state of affairs.
Indeed but they recognise the loser in themselves so they have to back it I guess.
Yeah I don’t see the sisterly love thing much but that might all change with the MeToo movement.
Hmmm… not sure, on paper maybe.
I think men are pally in a different way but I think you are probably right. I hear about sister code more than I see it.
Lol true dat. 😀
I don’t know. I don’t think I have evidence for either. I think what it is, is that ‘good’ people are more inclined to say nothing (it’s not my business) and ‘bad’ people (think the disgusting men you described) are more likely to defend actions that they think are legit (that’s how I treat my woman so it must right).
I have a good friend (a very good friend) whose husband was being emotionally abusive and physically and sexually threatening. When she explained the situation to myself and our other good friends we were hesitant in our reaction. We said things like, ‘you have to do what’s best for you and your daughter’ and ‘I wouldn’t put up with that, but you have to make the right choices for you’. We didn’t approve of his behaviour, but we were cautious about saying the wrong thing – misreading the situation and causing offence.
I think, for both genders, it’s a case of ‘I kept silent, and then when they came for me there was no one to speak out’.
Writing this has made me realise how weak I can be some times. 😦
Interesting point about the ‘good’ people.
The problem is we tip toe around each other too much because we consider causing offense a worse crime than stopping a potential beating or worse, which of course is nuts.
Part of that is because many abused women DO get angry with people who are trying to look out for them for a myriad of reasons. Fear of more beatings if it gets out they were talking about the beater, they don’t want to admit to themselves that they are failing, Stockholm Syndrome…lots of reasons and they can become quite nasty – even violent – to those who try to help them rather than reserve that reaction for their beater, so people don’t quite know how to approach things. Not your fault.
It’s back to our convo about the truth, for me I’d say what I think or don’t ask me.
I have to agree with your examples! Never heard of a woman backing up a woman like that, spontaneously and out of solidarity. Or maybe I just need better friends 😁
Ha! same here maybe! 😀
True that.. i dont think it exists.. women are perhaps womens biggest problem.. in india we have so many problems for example relationship between a mother in law and her daughter in law.. or if tye son is a psycho types the ladies in the house will akways take his side too against the daughter in law..
In my experience so far i have not seen this camaraderie between women…sad though…
Right? What the hell is that with women siding with psycho men? This isn’t just in the Indian culture either of course. Is the brainwashing THAT strong?!