Of course this is a famous Planet Of The Apes reference with apologies to beautiful real apes everywhere who have more sophistication, wit and style. But clearly, for a lot of women today it remains a fitting demand. Following the Harvey Weinstein scandal we are being deluged with women’s stories of abusive, self entitled men believing that any woman is theirs for the taking.
People (sheep) who are repeatedly asking why the women (and sometimes men) didn’t speak up before clearly do not understand or want to understand that this problem is so entwined, so prevalent and sometimes so nuanced that where do you start? Do you complain about the first attack or the tenth? Considering the fact that no one listened the first 3 times do you continue complaining or just get on with your life?
How DARE They Desire To Be Successful!
Women are being accused of taking the money or success and running instead of sacrificing their whole dreams, careers and wages by grassing on a man so powerful he can end your career in a 2 minute phone call. You know…having worked and trained for anything from 5 to 10 years at your craft you should just give it up for the sake of feminism.
Why should those women be forced to throw away their careers to save the world? That is THEIR own private choice to make not the armchair critics. When it happens to you as an individual then YOU save the world.
Perhaps these women have a parent in a nursing home that doesn’t accept principles to pay for their parent’s room and prefers cash. Or perhaps they have children … apparently they should stand on principle and let their family eat cake…or indeed munch on their principles. Need school clothes? Here wrap yourself in my principles. Are they really demanding the principles of the victims be looked at over Weinsteins?…Hallo?!!
The reason many women put up with it will be varied and wide …it still doesn’t make them the ones in the wrong, whichever way you turn it. Quite frankly, the real questions are why does a woman have to put in the graft for years and be asked to sacrifice for others on the brink of success in a way not required of men? Why should women walk away from their dream job and opt for another job they didn’t want, ‘Go work in Burger King!’ and (most) men don’t have to? Those are the questions to ask, not (whiny voice) why didn’t they tell someone at the time?
Having had men maul me, there is a process:
- 1. you are in shock and can’t believe it happened (especially when the person is well known.)
- 2. there is a kind of undeserved embarrassment (I was much younger – wouldn’t happen today.)
- 3. you are not sure who to tell and what to say (because you are still in shock.)
- 4. you can wander around for hours, days, months with WTF? in invisible letters above your head still trying to process it. Everyone is different weirdly enough.
- 5. time passes and you believe it’s too late to say anything…or you summon up the courage to say something and not much happens anyway – I’ve done both.
But the biggest reason for hearing about these cases as a windfall? No one ever listens anyway. There were indeed women who tried to tell people (as in the Cosby case) but they were shouted down, paid off, made (threatened) to go away.
So enough of that distracting rubbish.
One person is responsible. Weinstein.
And there are hundreds like him shivering in their mansions as we speak, wondering if their stories are about to blow up too.
The reason lots of women are speaking up today and not before you bunch of dumbo’s asking the question on Twitter?
They have an army behind them that they didn’t have before.
Practically every woman will have a story.
I have loads. Here’s just one.
I once had a guy pick me up and carry me like they carry mannequins in the New York fashion district. I’m not the heaviest person you will meet.
He was attempting to carry me up to the bedroom above the office.
I was completely horizontal hanging onto the door jambs with the white tips of my fingers.
I experienced a full on male tantrum, the enraged aggression at the audacity of my not behaving like a James Bond female and dropping trou at the mere suggestion of his sheer manliness.
My Name Is Bond, James Bond.
Films like this that were rife in the 70 through to 90’s did not help this sense of male entitlement. They were full of women who giggled when slapped on the behind, were frequently patted on the head and told to go do the dishes and who even as experienced fellow spies demonstrated zero skills other than satisfying James Bond in bed. While he of course had the solutions and skill to do everything and anything.
I’m no wilting flower and the repeat attacks simply became the norm. Only someone who has the luxury of not been repeatedly violated by sexism, racism, disable-ism or any other ism will not understand how you adjust and get on with the rest of life because life doesn’t stop around you. The tax man doesn’t excuse you because you have been attacked.
The incidents have not affected my life in any salient way – even the most aggressive ones have not made me a victim of anyone or anything. They have simply made me more careful and distrusting with zero tolerance of dickery. But it is pleasing that women are speaking up today, because looking at the bulldozing of other disgusting human behaviours like slavery, there is clearly a time and a place when the shift begins. Also I guarantee you that quite a few men do not believe that what they are doing is unwelcome because the caveman sense of entitlement is soooo strong.
Male Entitlement Has Been Tenderly Nurtured For Them By Both Men And Women.
Men have always been enabled. By other men, wives, sisters, mothers, fathers, people on their payroll…
You hear this wonderful advice from women to women all the time;
‘Suck it up or you’ll hurt his career.’ Or how about, ‘Don’t say a word and bring shame on this family.’
Remember the women wearing ‘Grab My Pussy’ tee shirts? What a great message for their daughters. Fabulous parenting.
And of course Weinstein and his few supporters are going down the ‘It’s an illness, I’m the victim’ route. Very similar to ‘It’s just locker room banter,’ followed by nothing much happening to drum in the idea that neither is acceptable.
And let’s not forget that the Clinton legacy was not damaged in any real material way by his Oval office shenanigans.
Yes, women prey on people too but my post is about men in powerful positions using that power over people because they have to pay the rent or (shame on them!) they desire to be successful.
The thing to take from all this?
There will be many more.
What Say You?
What experiences do you have male or female?
What did you learn from them if anything?
What are you telling your girls and boys about this?
What suggestions do you have (particularly) for women? (I have a few, it involves gonads and much pain.)