I mean… I hate to ask and all that…but I really need it for this thing that is really really important. I promise you I’ll give it back ‘cos look I’ve made out a plan of how I can pay you back by next month. I really, really, really need this, it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and if I miss this it will NEVER come around again!
Have you heard the schpiel before? Indeed are you the one with the schpiel?
I’m going to tell you straight. I never loan or borrow money from friends or family. Period.
The quickest way to gain an enemy is to loan money to a friend or family member.
If I have it and want to give it, you can have it. If you have the manners to pay it back, however slowly or in whatever amounts (within reason) then you can come back and ask again any time you need help. If you are a pig and don’t even get back to me, just try asking me again.
But I will never chase that money because I would never give what I cannot afford to lose.
Them’s are my rules. I’m interested in yours?
I was once helping out someone who I was really impressed with. They’d spent quite a bit of time in prison and having come out had put together a show and tell highlighting the stark negatives of prison life which they had begun touring schools with.
They had invited me to go along and tell my story as (hopefully) a counter balance to their own and as I had done the school tour motivational speaking thing many times before I was happy to freely give my time.
Then very early in the relationship I got the knock on the front door…
‘Um …can I come in? Sorry to bother you…um…I don’t like to ask…’
Me in my head: ‘Oh here we go!’
The story was they needed to pay a bill – it was very urgent…blah blah… can’t carry on with the tour unless it’s paid… yadda.
I knew that they were being backed by people who were handling the monies and other aspects of the whole ‘prison tour’ concept, so I asked why they hadn’t gone to the backers as it was in their interest to keep them on the tour. To be honest I can’t remember the answer because I knew it was BS. My brain has an auto-filter for BS.
But just in case their issue was genuine I told them that this is what I’ll do. The bill was £200? Fine I would help them with £80. They should then go and find the remaining £120 and hand it to me and I will ring the company and pay the whole of this bill via credit card then and there.
Strangely enough they never came back.
As well intentioned as they might have been I could see from this and other things they had told me that they were not listening to their own motivational messages about falling back into old habits and avoiding prison.
Having been accosted only recently for large loans (plural) that ‘Honestly I can pay you back end of the month’ for complete and asinine frippery my gears have been grinded…. (ground?) I’ve watched many an episode of Judge Judy where countless friendships are trashed in court because people who thought they were helping out friends in dire need were flippantly told later in litigation that their savings or hard earned cash handed over to help their friend was a actually a non reimbursable gift i.e a legal get-out not to pay them back.
You know how when they’re begging for help it’s a loan and their generous friend is the GREATEST person on earth, but when it comes time to pay the money back their kind friend suddenly becomes Satan to them?
It actually disgusts me to see it, because the lender, albeit a little dim, has helped out of the kindness of their hearts and 99% of the time could absolutely not afford to lose the money.
Never a borrower or a loaner be the saying goes.
SO WHAT SAY YOU?
I wanna hear your experiences and what you learned from loaning money or your car, or your phone, gadgets or other things, because many people either return things broken and disrespectfully try and pin the damage on the lender or lose the item then go into hiding.
Plus what have you told your little’ uns about loaning money and things…if anything?
Or are you the borrower? Do you see money given to you as a gift or do you prioritize paying it back?