What Is Love?


I’m not talking about love for children and friends. I’m talking about relationships. Can someone describe ‘being in love?’ For those of us (me) who are pretty sure we’ve never experienced it?

Is it even real?Seriously though…

How can you ‘love’ someone then want them dead at the divorce proceeding? acclaim

It’s just a construct to sell movies, weddings and chocolate…right?

Even some of the older folk I know who stay together for decades just seem less inclined to break a convenient habit more than anything.

What Say You?

Whisper in my confused ear below…


91 thoughts on “What Is Love?

  1. Oops. Pressed send too soon.
    Love and hate are both a strong emotional response to an individual or relationship. It’s the desire for it to be a positive relationship that changes.
    We don’t always have a choice about who we experience a strong affinity for but we can decide what to do with it. We can also influence our environment so that we are able to maintain the strong positive affinity. In that sense love is a decision, although not always a conscious one, work, although not always unpleasant, and probably a little bit of luck to get you started.

    And then there are the hormones (although maybe that’s what the luck is?)

  2. When I was an undergraduate, my project revolved around self control. The results of my experiment were weird, and I encountered something called reversal theory – the idea that the internal and external environment can interact so that the exact same thing can result in a very different experience, depending on your motivation, expectations etc. And I think often people experience love because they decide that is what it is. In that sense, love and hate are both a strong emotional reaction to

  3. I have been married 47 years, and we dated for a year before we married. Even then, with being 20 and 21, it was too, young. We should have waited for at least three years. Instead, I finished my practice teaching the first year of marriage, and we survived, and found a new place to live after a year. I believe destiny called us. We were in love, and we still are. We love each other in little ways, and by being patient now, calmer, and laughing with each other. We have gotten older. He has heart problems, and I have a pace maker. That is heart issues for both of us. We love each other genuinely, and we hold hands, and still kiss.

  4. I think that we see love through different eyes at different ages and stages. Real love is not for the faint of heart, but there are plenty of alternatives. I think what makes love, love, is the notion of sacrifice. Not that I have to sacrifice, but I have to be *willing* to sacrifice. What the sacrifice is depends on the person and situation. There are those I would sacrifice my life for, and those whose lives I have sacrificed (pets). If we are including sex (I think we are, given that you mentioned ‘relationships’) then the willingness to sacrifice my pleasure for yours, and vice-versa is important. So, at this stage of my life, grandmother, love is about whether or not I am willing to sacrifice, and what. I might love you enough to give up an orgasm, but not a kidney. Just random thoughts on the subject today.

    1. Good point. Yes ages and stages. And the willingness to sacrifice I think goes along with the willing compromise of being part of a couple.
      Going back to the age thing. Do you think then that someone of 70 could still fall in love in that take-your-breath-away way? Not the ‘comfortable together’ thing, the take-your-breath-away thing? Or is that the preserve of the young?

  5. After two marriages, four grown sons who have had multiple marriages, relationships and challenges, I have been through a lot of soul searching and agonizing questions about love. In my personal opinion:
    One “falls in lust”. Physical attraction is a must for me in a relationship, but it in no way defines true love. It can wane, it is possible to feel different attractions to others for different reasons. Often what should be a signal to spark a close friendship is mistaken as new love. Speaking of friendship, I personally think it is the key to the most lasting relationships. My husband has been my best friend in all ways for over 27 years. If we argue and I need to talk it out, it’s awful to not have him to share it with. Eventually it is him though. The third thing for me and I think should be considered strongly is that couples need to agree on key issues that will surface: Sex, spirituality. money management, child rearing and politics. Yes, politics. Sad but true. And the third is the banishment of the “happily ever after” lie that girls have been fed since they were old enough to wear a tutu. If we teach our children one truth as they grow, it should be that the only live that will make them truly happy is the love for themselves. No one is going to “complete” an incomplete person. We aren’t puzzle pieces that fit or don’t. I do feel we are often attracted to those with attributes and characteristics we lack, which then can cause conflict if we don’t learn to assimilate them into our own psyche. Just my thoughts…

    1. (Sorry, took my time to read your comment ‘cos I didn’t want to rush through it.)
      Fabulous. Couldn’t agree more on ALL the points you made. I am certain many mistake lust or friendship for this ‘love thing.’
      And yes people should talk about things that may threaten their compatibility but of course many don’t. And I’m always banging on about this completion thing. I couldn’t be attracted to someone with bits missing who was hoping to take them from me!

  6. Love is what we are. Most just don’t know it. If you lived only with love, your perfect partner would come into your space, who felt the same as you do. BE love.

    If or when in a relationship, I reckon it all depends on where you heart lies. If you have a massive ego, and start finding fault with your partner, you’ll never be happy, because the partner after that, will be full of faults in your mind too. That is not love.

    Love is a way of Being. A way of living. It’s the butterflies and instant chemical reaction you get when someone comes your way, picking up your vibe, as he/she is on the same wave length, and it’s something you just KNOW>

    Don’t analyse. You can love a street sweeper, probably more than a wall street broker. This is due to EGO. If anyone has a massive ego, there is simply no room for love. x x

    Also, allow yourself to drop all fear and live it!

    1. Oooogh Miss D! You’re asking a lot! ‘Drop all fear!’ Whilst I’m defo into people being themselves and never expecting them to change for me, I would not entrust someone with lack of fear. People these days just don’t seem up to the maturity and responsibility. Just going on general experience. I agree that it is probably something you just know though…I guess??!! πŸ™‚

      1. Yup Madam Ed, the thing is, if one lives with fear, one cannot ever move in life. Fear starts to govern everything we do! So yes, I tend to not fear too much, because I reckon, what’s the point? What will be will be, so jump in and enjoy the ride! We really only fear that which we don’t understand. So if you don’t understand it, learn it, or drop it! x x

  7. Love is more than love, and love is not enough to stay with someone. That’s where the decision is made, in the staying. In the developing of layers of love, and basing other decisions you make in life to preserve the love. It is its own entity, and a great fool-maker, better-person becomer, and sometimes the thing that drives us crazy. In the end, love is all that matters.

      1. Oh, and there is a comment of yours that I haven’t had time to answer and WP swallowed. Moliere. There are 3 major french playwrights in the 17th century: Corneille, Racine, and Moliere. The former two wrote fabulous tragedies, the latter, Moliere, wrote comedies. They are still played today in France. The difference with Shakespeare is that old Will had a better PR agency. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜

      2. My faith in humankind forbade me to keep tally Willard…although now I see that I’m going to have to go back and check every attempt now to make sure that such brazen liberties have not been taken before. It will take me the better part of a week, but to fight for truth, justice and honour it must be done…um …probably…eventually…soonish. Maybe.

    1. …Talking of time deficiency I still have a post of yours to read from some time ago, just waiting for enough time to dedicate to it. Such is life Pedro. (I felt for more exotic leanings name-wise today!)

      1. No idea, either. It just made me think of the book-boxes in Paris, posting old magazine covers, forever trapped in time, 50′ or 60’s or earlier. It’s what sells. old photos of Liz Taylor, little Audrey H. Michele Morgan (on our side) and others. I find it endearing. πŸ™‚

  8. It is a modern construct Philippa. Marriage for love can be traced in the west to the 19th century. Perhaps Love can be best “described” by Absence. Chateaubriand: un seul etre vous manque et tout est depeuple. You miss only one being and all becomes a desert. Or Shakespeare Romeo: “Good night, good night. Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodbye till be morrow.” Yours truly, Dennys Finch-Hatton

      1. The right path as in Absence? πŸ€”πŸ‘€πŸ˜πŸ»πŸ·πŸŒΊπŸ‘»
        The latter emoticons don’t really have anything to bear with the subject, i just found them fun. Yours truly, Rupert

  9. I agree with all of what Tony Single said.
    To me when you are in love, how you survive your difficult times are important. You are faced with a choice that really isn’t. As an example, you hit a roadblock and to move ahead you feel like you have to choose whether you can or cannot trust your partner. Here I think your only choice is to trust, over and over and over again, knowing that your partner would do the same for you. (Obviously here I am not talking about physical abuse or anything that is a true deal breaker). Give each other the benefit of the doubt for as long as you both need it, as long as you are both committed to sharing your life. It is uncomfortable sometimes but if you’re doing it right, rewarding also. Looking back on the things you’ve been through and overcome together, I feel strengthens that bond. The overwhelming feeling I think is that your life is better with the other person in it than without.

    1. Yes he put it really well. I think he pretends to be all brash and Aussie but he is incredibly eloquent! πŸ™‚
      You said: ‘you hit a roadblock and to move ahead you feel like you have to choose whether you can or cannot trust your partner. Here I think your only choice is to trust, over and over and over again, knowing that your partner would do the same for you. ‘
      I say: But how do you know that? What if you are let down time and again and you are the only one doing the giving and the trusting? What if only one half of the couple is in love?! 😯

  10. Love is a certain contentment you feel when you are with that person. It’s knowing that no matter what happens you will do it together, whether iit s facing a long term illness like cancer, the unexpected maybe of unemployment or whatever life throws your direction. It’s being able to tell that person anything and everything, wanting them to be the first person you call when something bad or something good happens. You think about them throughout the day and you wonder how they are doing and what they are doing. When they come home or into a room your being suddenly feels lighter. You look at them and smile. Their face lights up and suddenly everything is right with the world again. You start talking and it’s as if you never were apart. You walk with them, you hold hands with them and you accept every part of them. They are your soft place to fall and you do because you make yourself vulnerable. Also because the person you love has made it safe for you to be vulnerable. Love is a dance that is constantly changing. It’s perfect as long as you continue to hear the music that changes with it. It’s when you don’t hear the music anymore that you encounter problems.

    1. Sorry Debbie, your comment seems to have got lost and found again.
      Beautifully said I might add. This might just be the closest description to what I think love might be – or should be.
      I also love the concept of not hearing the music anymore. Ha! A perfect description! Plus my guess is that loads of people walk up the aisle
      to completely different tempos listening to completely different songs from the start.

  11. I thought the concept of romantic love was invented by moony authors/people who had an agenda. I had been married and divorced twice and not felt what they were talking about. Then it happened to me and it was the emotional equivalent of being run over by a truck.

    I remember walking into a room where she was and my whole outlook got brighter … everything was clearer and better focus. Later I found out that one’s pupils’ dilate when someone is experiencing pleasure. This is a profound mental state that has physiological ramifications and vice-versa.

    And like any mental state, it can and does change. The problem is we bandy the word love about so much that its meaning is trivialized. So, one can “love” chocolate ice cream and later turn around and loathe it. Actual love between people would take a fairly massive betrayal to over turn and that is hard to conceive of.

    1. I actually believe that can happen and loved the description. I think that is so powerful a feeling perhaps I’m better off without it!?
      Also maybe if you feel that for someone perhaps (for some) the end hate comes because of the intensity of the beginning? But having said that, the way most people behave in divorce it just sounds like spite of two people who never really knew what love was. Thanks for that Steve. Food for thought!

  12. I think love is an unconditional acceptance of someone or something. Love is a decision not a feeling. People say “there is a thin line between love a hate” this is because we see love as a feeling not as a decision that it is. It not our fault but our parents, they also learn from their parents.

      1. My point is one has decide to love, w should not base love in feeling because feeling has to do with give and take. We should love with the totality of our being and not base on what someone did and did not do to us. By so doing we will be able to avoid hurts and pains. And like you have said. It’s for the strong in heart not faint.

      2. What about say familial love for example, that just IS isn’t it? Or is that a decision in your eyes? I know romantic and familial love are not necessarily the same thing, just interested in your thoughts.

  13. Are you sure you’ve never been in love? Not even once?

    I often wonder how two people can love each other and then next thing you know they’re parting ways. I guess love and hate are both strong emotions.

    I can’t describe what it feel like to be in love. I know I’m in love with my husband but I can’t put into words what that means. I hope someone else is more helpful.

  14. The thing about love is… well, it’s hard to define. It’s like when your college professor asks, “What is art?” Everyone has their own ideas on what art is. They can’t articulate it, but they know it when they see it.

    Love’s kinda the same, I guess. I’ve been lucky enough to fall in love twice. It’s a beautiful thing, but it also puts you in a place of extreme vulnerability. Love isn’t for the faint of heart. You have to be willing to risk it all, even your very dignity, to be with the one you want.

    Love. You can’t live with it. You can’t live without it. I wonder sometimes if love is the great equaliser. It makes fools of us all, and yet look how profoundly we view the world when we’re in love (or have been in love). What’s love got to do with it? Well… everything really. πŸ˜›

    1. Thanks for that! I like these bits because they are probably telling. ‘…it also puts you in a place of extreme vulnerability. Love isn’t for the faint of heart. You have to be willing to risk it all, even your very dignity, to be with the one you want.’

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