Hello?…Er No, Buh ‘bye!

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So singer Adele’s father who abandoned her at the age of 3 did the decent thing and came back into her life – once she was rich and successful – to build bridges. In the process of the bridge building he apparently decided to sell a story about her without discussing it with her and now can’t understand why he is no longer welcome in the ‘Hello’ household…and then went back to the press to cry about it!

…And then there was the father of a member of the pop band One Direction who – after his son’s success – decided that he urgently needed to be part of his son’s life and felt that the best way of achieving this was to apparently threaten to go to the press with ‘stories’ if his son continued to refuse to acknowledge him…probably not the best ice breaker!

A similar scenario happened to yours truly. After some national and international exposure (part of another job) my mother bumped into my errant father after decades. She told me that the wasteman had accumulated tons of press cuttings which he carried around in a briefcase and she saw them when he opened it to give her something. How did I feel about that? What an ass! Creepy eh?

SO WHAT SAY YOU?

If you won the lottery tomorrow or your book did a JK Rowling or the song, blog, cooking, sewing… whatever, afforded you sudden fame and fortune and you had an errant parent or other family member or even friend who you hadn’t heard from for some time come oiling their way back into your lives, what would YOU do or say? How would you handle it? Could you see things from their perspective?

Perhaps you are an ‘errant’ parent that did not bring up your children, perhaps you can help us (poor half-orphan Annie’s! 😛 ) to understand why?

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52 thoughts on “Hello?…Er No, Buh ‘bye!

  1. What bad behavior especially from someone who is supposed to be a parent. I would be very cautious and not let them in completely. If I saw any signs of them trying to get money from me or something, I would cut off the ties again. I would just have a good lawyer in case they tried anything and then sue them.

  2. I have a non parental non communicative family member. We both made mistakes. It took me a long time to understand that. But even if I were the next jk Rowling it wouldn’t make a difference. I wish there was a way to fix it. Every day.

  3. I side with you dear “Editor” (What is your name BTW? Or is that hush-hush?) 🙂
    I didn’t see my older (half) brother for 30 years. Until he made contact again.
    His lost time not mine. 😉 Now we do see each other once a year. Let bygones be bygones.

    1. Oh now that’s interesting. Was it just the passing of time that separated you? That can happen as we forge our own paths in life (I’ve mislaid a few good friends as I traveled around the world) and of course he doesn’t have the same obligations as a parent.

      Ha ha! Not so much hush hush as except when I have good personal examples as in this case I rather like my writing to be about the topic and not about the writer. Plus when I started this blog I wanted to build it from Ground Zero with no influence or help from any other source i.e (no friends, family, ‘fans’, or previous blogs) to test the possibilities from a pure perspective.

      1. My brother is from my father’s first marriage. Which did not matter to me. Then there was a fight with my father where I got trapped in against my will. So I just let go. Then traveled a lot and time passed until he reached out. 😉
        As for the second part, I guess there is a lot of background that I don’t know. Which is fine. I will call you Edith then. 😉 Bon week-end Edith.
        Take care.
        Brian

  4. As a half-orphan myself, I went looking for a relationship with my sperm-donor parent. I learned not to do that. To give him some credit, though, I doubt he would have reached out to me even if I were rich and/or famous. About yours? Double-ugh. 😉

  5. Honestly, I would kick them to the curb they came up on. I have relatives that would do that, so my mom said if one of us would become famous ‘use a pseudonym so that we wouldn’t be bothered by them’. Honestly, when I read the part with the ‘threatening to tell stories’ I laughed, maybe because I imagined this desperate low life trying so hard to get something out the person. 🙂 Hopeful though, people have enough courage and backing to not let those people back into their lives. The person left their life for a reason, maybe not a good one, but they won’t ever have a good reason to get back in it. 🙂

  6. When we moved to San Diego years ago, distant relatives and “Christmas card friends” came out of the woodwork..not for money, but for a free place to stay- haha!

    1. Lools. Christmas card friends, love it! Never heard that one! Friend of a family member went to her home country for a holiday recently and 16 family members turned up to stay and cleaned out her house of food – daily, with no shame.
      She had to leave her home to get a break.

  7. I’m a firm believer in “always keeping the door open to errant parents”.

    Even the most useless and obnoxious errant father – and it is almost always the fathers – might have something meaningful to contribute, even if it’s just medical history: which is no small thing (in fact missing medical history is a BIG thing when you’re a parent and doctors ask questions about your medical history that might provide insight into health care for your children).

    Also the errant father might open the door to an aunt/uncle/cousin/grandparent who might love you (and who you might love) given the chance.

    Keep them around, keep them on a short lead, keep it on your terms, and squeeze them for information!!

    1. Okey dokes. For me I simply don’t care. I’d rather use the same energy and play with next doors cat. For others maybe they would care if their children were ill and needed help in this matter as you say. Thanks Yomi.

  8. I’d like to say I’d be able to forgive, but it wouldn’t be unconditional. Earn your way back into my life or get lost! I’ve been blessed with two amazing parents who encouraged me my entire life, so I can’t even imagine how this would play out… But yeah, sorry, do not pass go, do not collect $200…you don’t get to just show up and act like you’ve been there the entire time. Momma, or daddy, didn’t raise no fool! And ps.. The will is done and you get nothing. (That might be a little bitter, sorry)

    1. An abandoned child has right to feel bitter no?
      Plus yes, we are all human and have weaknesses and failures. They can be forgiven by what happens next. Someone who swallows their humility to earn their way slowly back into your life can (eventually) be forgiven.
      Crazily enough, I’m just trying to think if I know any other person with 2 parents….ah yes I thought of ONE….no two!

  9. Human nature will never cease to amaze me…. I don’t think I have the necessary Christian spirit/tolerance/milk of human kindness to welcome such a person back with open arms

  10. Nope, can’t help you there. I don’t get it either. Have a friend who is a tennis player and her Dad is causing issues because he decides he wants to be part of her life now. After years of abuse… but hey, once they are famous and make money all those cockroaches come crawling back…

  11. I guess it would depend on the circumstances. Say my family member had decided to run off to save some species of frog found in parts of the Amazon accessible only by foot and it was later determined this frog produced some enzyme that cured cancer, then maybe I’d take a phone call.

    1. Ha! Lol that’s SOME reason! I’d forgive that too!
      In all seriousness though, if they are a good parent a child still knows they are loved even if their parent has to be absent a lot for some reason.

  12. I’m adopted. When people ask me if I know my “real parents,” I tell them of course, and then give them the name of my adoptive parents. “Real parents” are the ones who were there for the scraped knees and the bad grades, the awkward times, bad times, and the struggles to get to the successful times. Anyone who wants to suddenly be a part of your life once you’re successful is only using you to make themselves feel better by living vicariously through your success. By you being a success, they are somehow not the loser that you’ve always known them to be, because *maybe* you get your talent from them… Unlikely, and not a justifiable reason for them suddenly coming into your life now. On the other hand, maybe he was legitimately proud, and didn’t know how to tell you. Was he asking to be a part of your life? Or just had collected things about your success? That’s kind of a strange grey area…

    1. Hi Elizabeth! Yes, I have always said the same thing when I hear of adopted children actively seeking their ‘real’ parents, but then I have to bow to their individual experience as I am not one.
      I think that is a great explanation for some ‘parents’ coming back into their children’s lives. The feeling that they must have done SOMEthing right because hey, look at you kid!
      My father has had many years to be part of my life and as far I could see he was never disallowed to be – (you know, how some mothers do that?) I am pretty sure if he had sent a cheque for my school uniform or food even once that would have gone some way in to asking to be part of my life. So no grey area really, he is a legit knuckle dragger who shouldn’t be proud of anything I have done any more than the postman. 🙂

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