Moms Prefer Their Boys!

boffin moment

moms prefer their boys3In a study carried out in the united Kingdom via Netmums, 9 out of 10 mothers admitted that they treat their sons differently to their daughters. 55% said they had a stronger bond to their sons than their daughters.

When asked to describe their little male bubba’s, the language used overall was more positive for boys. They would use words like ‘funny,’ ‘playful’ and ‘loving’. Girls on the other hand would be described as ‘argumentative,’ ‘serious’ and easily offended.’

That’s not even with remotely taking into account, (with a nod to my friend from India πŸ˜‰ ) the extremes of ‘honour’ killings reserved on the most part for girls.

So Did You Know That?

As mothers what do you think about that? And as daughters did anyone feeeel the discrimination when young?

Here’s my take: my mother has openly said she prefers my brother. Bam! In your face The Ed! Can you see now why I am a psychological wreck??!!!

And what about you pappy’s?? Are your girls your favourites? With honour killings, misogynist trolling, females hating on females, continuous editorial and advertising stealth attacks, does ANYone love us just that wee bit more?

Advertisements

84 thoughts on “Moms Prefer Their Boys!

  1. I think it can be hard on mothers when there is one of each in the house (though I say this based on growing up in a household of only girls and now raising only boys). You can’t help but notice differences in how they interact with others. A mother who suffered from low self-esteem herself when young who sees too much of herself in her daughter may subconsciously focus in any minor flaw or remember her own mistakes made while growing up and double down her efforts to protect her daughter from repeating history. Her son, on the other hand, might then seem much more like an independent creation, and free to make his own way.

  2. I feel the discrimination to this day. My older brother got away with murder and all my mom did was get stricter with me. For the record now he is over 30 and still lives at home….and she claims she doesn’t want him there but refuses to throw him out….

    …sigh…

    Sorry I am projecting…

  3. Top post! I was completely oblivious to this fact (and for me it is a fact) until I became a parent myself.
    Then it was suddenly glaringly obvious to me that my own Mum was far more into her male grandchildren than she was her female grandchildren (including my daughters).

    Then I sat back and thought about my own childhood and realised that this preference had always been there. The only reason I didn’t notice it earlier is because I benefited from it.

    It’s funny and sad at the same time (and it can cause a lot of un-necesary pain and in-fighting).

    Here’s hoping it skips me and I can find a way to raise kids without having a favourite ,,,

    1. What a way to find out! πŸ™‚ It reminds me of certain sectors of society who may complain repeatedly about their general treatment whilst being booed and shushed by other sectors who refuse to acknowledge any bias…until it happens to them.
      As Mr Marley said, ‘who feels it knows it,’ and I wish more parents would remember that when frivolously favouring one child over another as though it’s perfectly fine with no consequences.

  4. Hey madam E! I have two girls and a boy and there’s no way in hell I prefer my son over my daughters. I love them all of course, but my daughters are my friends, my makeup buddies, my rude jokes sharers, and my shoulders to cry on.

    God knows what I’d do without them. My son on the other hand, loves me, but is his fathers child, and can’t stand it if I want to know any “skinny” his lips are sealed with a loud “stop it!”

    He prefers the company of his dad and I respect that, but he does listen to me when his girlfriend gives him a hard time and I give my 5 cents worth lol.

    I love the fact that he’s not a mummy’s boy. Oh yeah!

  5. Read your post, and glanced at the comments. Are we still “there”? 19th century? Mixed-up roles and all? I have two daughters, and we stopped there. And for a while I kept hearing: “Aren’t you going to go for the boy”? 😦 As if I had to have a Xerox copy of myself. (Crossed-eye emoticon) I am perfectly content with having two mow fully grown-up daughters, who are their own individuals, with their own personalities. And we always tried to raise them regardless of being girls or (not) boys, and also equally. Never, ever prefer one over the other, for any reason. And that holds true whether you have only girls, only boys or a combination. I don’t know, seems so obvious to me. But it looks like it’s not right?
    (Puzzled emoticon)
    Brian

    1. I’m puzzled too Brian, but I’m trying to understand because as they say ‘travel one mile in their shoes.’ I would feel very disloyal to my kids to tell either of them that I preferred the other other.
      Even if I did for some reason I would never say it or show it. How would a parent like to hear that a child prefers the other parent? I’m sure they wouldn’t like it.

      As for ‘Aren’t you going to go for a boy?’ I would file that under the intrusive nonsense people feel entitled to say such as: ‘When are you getting pregnant?’ ‘When are you getting married?’ ‘What do you mean you don’t want children?!’ ‘Aren’t you going for a girl?’ ‘Haven’t you had enough children?’

      1. Hi “Editor”. Agree with you on all counts. Hadn’t heard the expression ‘travel one mile in their shoes’ but I think I get the idea. I had great hopes when I was (much) younger that humanity would finally understand such simple things as you point out. Yet, if truth be told, when one looks at some younger couples, parents, what have you, it seems some mistakes are repeated over and again… Shame. (There is some slow progress though). Have a lovely Easter. (Have you hidden the chocolate eggs in the garden, house, apartment, whatever applies? πŸ˜‰
        Take care
        Brian

      2. I know we just don’t seem to learn from experience or others. I’ve seen people make a very expensive mistake, be absolutely devastated about it and then go straight back into the same action on another day. I will never understand.

        They are safely hidden in my belly!
        No one’s ever gonna find them! πŸ˜€

      3. A psychologist friend once told me that “repetition” is the single most common human behaviour… 😦
        I salute a fellow chocolate addict… πŸ™‚
        Have a lovely Easter week.

      4. Okay so that will be my factoid of the week. It sounds feasible as that is how we learn to do practically every thing we do. Good and bad.

        I salute back. We are what make our respective countries great! πŸ˜€
        Have a good one!

      5. I get the ‘aren’t you going to try for a girl’ all the time. It’s actually a painful comment (although of course people don’t realise and do it quite innocently) because although we would love a third child of either sex we can’t have any more for medical reasons.

        Having read all the comments I wanted to say, I think it’s okay not to feel close or even love your child/ren but as a parent it is your responsibility to make them feel loved. Just as you would not deny them food or drink or an education nor should you deny them love – even if you don’t feel it.

  6. So, they discovered the mother-son, father-daughter axis … again? I was reading about this forty years ago. It varies a little from culture to culture, but a culture that treats boys and girls the same has yet to be found. (As a male with two sisters, I was the apple of my mother’s eye. Go figure.)

  7. I only have girls, so it’s a little tricky to answer, BUT boys are so treated differently by their mothers. pampered and spoilt with no thought to how their poor wives will cope with them later.

      1. Italian moms – oy vey! African moms and their boys. The Asian culture that seems to favour boys up to the point of killing healthy baby and/or adult girls… Could probably go on! πŸ™‚

  8. My Mommy says kids for parents are like their EYES.If you are given a choice to injure either will you ever select?Or would it hurt less if left one goes and right one stays? No.. never..So all the kids are equal for parents..Love my parents to treat me an equal with my brother..

  9. While I hesitate to weigh in on this one, as the mother od four sons. BUT, I did have my neice living with me for a year so I will say while there is a difference between the sexes, I still raised then all the same. And I loved them all. My neice was older, like 12, when she came to live with us, so there were some bad habits already formed such as chronic lying. She had suffered abuse. Sadly she went back to her Mother a year later. But she surprised me during one of our conversations after she had three children when she said that the only reason she became a good mother-and different from her own abusive one-was due to the time she spent with me. So, you can always make a difference. And for the record, I see too many you g mothers allow their little tiny girls freedom to mouth off, thinking it’s cute. I keep wanting to tell them, “It won’t be so cute when she’s 14.” …..

  10. The “friend from India” nods back! πŸ˜› And you OBVIOUSLY haven’t met my Mom!!! My entire childhood I have never been favoured over my elder sister!!! Never!!! And in fact, my sister was honorary member of the “let’s discipline know-all” club!!! πŸ˜₯ Otherwise, I agree with you…moms are closer to sons and dads to daughters.. πŸ™‚

    1. There you go being all Peter Pan and big headed again. How do you know who my ‘friend from India’ is???!!! The sheer vanity!! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

      Having said that, I have just renewed my subscription to that very club – worth every penny….and? πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

      1. Oh yeah??? Do you want me to show actually documented evidence of Aunt Ed admitting that I am her only contact in India?? πŸ˜› πŸ˜€
        And, something tells me…you have already taken a life-time subscription to the club, sans invite! πŸ˜₯ πŸ˜›

      2. Yeah go on then…show! I dare ya! And I will simply point to the date and say ‘If it pleases the court, circumstances have changed since this time…’ – BAAAM! Now what?! πŸ˜€

      3. Haha…true that!!! And going by the latest polls…you will remain The Ed a long long time after he ceases to be The Donald!! πŸ˜€

  11. Isn’t there a Freudian theory that boys and their mothers attach and girls and their fathers attach to each other and that the child will instinctively and subconsciously rebel against their same gender parent because they are completion for the other parent’s attention?

    Personally I think that’s ridiculous but hey, I’m not Freud.

    Having two boys I can’t really comment from a mother’s perspective. As a daughter, I found that my mum treated me different from my brother. I felt (and feel) that she makes allowances for him that she wouldn’t make for me and I’ve had other women share similar experiences with me. My interpretation is that we expect people who are like us to be able to do what we have done. My mum raised her children without any assistance from extended family, well so can I. My mum soldiered on through coughs, colds and crushing headaches, so what am I whinging about. My mum has always struggled with her weight so she can comment on my weight.

    I want to be absolutely clear though, I don’t believe it’s about love. I think my mum (both my parents in fact) loved all four of their children exactly the same and to the best of their ability ( as humans) treated us fairly in terms of each other.

    And anyway, online surveys? Bah!

    1. Some really interesting points here: that you say it’s not about love. Yes I think you may be right in many cases and your view on why – i.e ‘I did it so can you.’ I think is spot on for some mothers too.
      And I am sooooo tired of men having allowances made for them because basically (in my experience) if they do something (a tiresome chore) bad enough then they won’t be asked to do it again. So the girls have to pick up the slack as if to suggest that every girl likes doing mundane household chores.
      I don’t fall for that and I don’t play that.

      If you don’t wash your stuff then it will remain stinky. But there goes my mother picking up all my brothers things and lovingly washing them for him. Has never washed mine since I became an adult. It stinks. And not just his washing! πŸ™‚

  12. I’ve noticed a disturbing trend in both mothers and fathers-to-be being thrilled to find out they’re having a boy and not a girl. Even, sometimes especially, women bemoan raising daughters and praise the superiority of sons. Really disgusting to me.

  13. Hoo, boy. Where do I start?

    For sure, my own mother preferred my brothers. I was the outlier in all kinds of ways that did not fit comfortably with my mother’s world view. And boys just meant more to southern families, even if they were drug addicts and criminals. Sadly, we never resolved this as my mother died before I was ready to ask her about any of it.

    Things are quite different with my own children. I am very close to my daughters and they seem to return the feeling. I’ve helped all of my daughters with the births of their children, either in person as a doula, or in teaching them natural childbirth (I taught it professionally), and with LOTS of breastfeeding advice and encouragement. This was their choice – I never forced it on them. They just knew I’d had all my kids that way and they wanted to do it, too. None of them live near me (or each other), but we love doing things together when we get the chance. We talk on the phone every week or as often as we can. I am 60 and they are all in their 30s. I am constantly amazed at how smart, beautiful, and kind they are. I’m always humbled when they ask me for advice. Don’t tell them this, but I always want to ask THEM about things! They are all smarter about the world than I am!

    I have one son. He’s awesome and fun and I love him dearly. He loves me, too. But he’s not as emotive as his sisters. He doesn’t call as much and I often have to arrange things through his wife because he’ll forget it. But when we do talk, we laugh and have a good time. We always enjoy it when we spend vacations with them. I never did figure out how to handle his taciturn nature, except to realize that I have to make the effort to keep things going between us. If I leave it up to him, we’ll talk once a year or so!

    As the only boy in a family of five kids, he had to learn to get along with girls. I never treated him as if he were any better than his sisters. But because he was the only boy, I did make an effort to make sure his voice was heard. Whatever I did, I guess it worked out, because they all like each other today. I’m satisfied with that!

    1. ‘…boys just meant more to southern families, even if they were drug addicts and criminals.’

      – So unfair right? You can turn yourself inside out to be the prefect daughter and it has no bearing at all. Having said that I studied the life of a famous designer who did everything to impress his mother and she still preferred the brother who did not achieve as much or assist her as much – both were boys.

      ‘Sadly, we never resolved this as my mother died before I was ready to ask her about any of it.’

      – Unfortunately unless you have skin like a rhino this may have been the best for you. You might not have liked what she had to say!

      ‘Don’t tell them this, but I always want to ask THEM about things!’

      – Your secret is safe with me! πŸ™‚

      ‘I never did figure out how to handle his taciturn nature, except to realize that I have to make the effort to keep things going between us.’

      – Oh I beg to disagree. Clearly you did. You have very lucky kids Marlene!

  14. My father’s favorite was a girl: me. My mother treated my brother as if he were incapable of doing anything for himself, but I never got the impression that he was her favorite.
    I definitely don’t favor my son over my daughter. We were always like a trio of fun. My daughter is more acerbic than my son but they’re both very funny and witty. I think daughters tend to question and argue a little more and boys (in general) take things as they come, but I don’t have a preference. I love both sexes.

      1. My mother was employed at age eight to wash windows and has always been a cheerful cleaner–she did not pass down that gene. πŸ™‚ I do all the cleaning, but I do it grumpily (especially vacuuming).

    1. I couldn’t imagine doing that either – but my eyes were opened to hear my own mother say that. It made me think surely one can’t help it if there is one child who you like just that bit more for any number of reasons?

    1. Not old news to me. It was new news, but it instinctively didn’t surprise me when I read it, almost as if I subconsciously knew. As is your ‘they’re not your obvious replacement.’ – Interesting. I never thought of that either but it makes perfect sense.
      I have actually heard some women say they are jealous of their daughters.
      But that can’t be the only reason surely? I hope I am enlightened by further comments!

      Plus – does that mean some men feel that way about their sons?!!??

      1. I think it goes both ways . . . just generally, I think social animals generally have issues around redundancy, it’s a species strategy, sort of thing. It rubs any ideas of rugged individualism the wrong way, though, right?

      2. I know but it’s weird when it’s inter-familial. I get it when say it’s a pack of lions or dogs. Being jealous of my own daughter would be weird…but I suppose I’d have to walk a mile in their shoes to understand.

      3. it is sort of a place where I draw a line of judgment on people, for sure. If I hear any adult expressing those feelings in a fight or something, I assume they’re lowlives, uh, unconscious, uneducated . . . but I’m sort of like that about any feelings at all, so . . .

        πŸ˜‰

      4. It’s a sad idea in our world to see someone in a life where those feelings would be relevant. With men, what – a life so brutal that when the son is strong enough and the father is aging, Dad’s in real danger? With women – I’m sorry, but this may be the more common thing – sad to see a woman old enough to have sexually maturing daughters trading on her own sexual attractiveness, that no better strategy for life has worked and she fears competition. They’re both worst case scenarios, both things we should be solving by making sure we all get enough of what we need.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s