Those Old A-Wandering Eyes!

cwt edt

I once hung out with a guy whose eyes would always trail after anything in a skirt. Whilst I did not feel remotely threatened by it, I still found it quite annoying. Mainly because I believe he should be free to look at what ever he chooses and yet his eyes never trailed after passing cars or indeed other men out of a general interest in his surroundings. So I found it at best to be quite rude.

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I once stood to the side of a man who had dark sunglasses on and was standing next to his wife in a crowded shopping street. From the front he was looking head on, from the side however I could see his eyes swiveling virtually round to his ears, furtively following every female that went by. It was as if he had just been rescued from an all male desert island he’d been on for 40 years. I found it both funny and bizarre that a grown adult would be doing this. Grow some! Either look openly or stop looking. Is she yo’ mama?!

I recall this because someone somewhere recently said that their father’s eyes never trailed after a single other woman in 50 odd years of marriage. Nice.

So is this a first world issue that needs to be urgently resolved by NATO or is this another male bashing pile of poop?
To help answer that question it should be noted that when I decided to aggressively skope out every sexy, muscle-bound young adonis that went by in the company of the above mentioned, with equal relish, shockingly enough he took deep offence. 😯

SO WHAT SAY YOU?

  • Big deal?
  • Get over it!…And that includes the butt hurt males too when women take to scoping out other men in their presence.
  • I do this all the time and feel it is my manly right.

 

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55 comments

  1. I do believe most men and women will be inclined to look at someone attractive of the opposite sex. But I do think the line between glancing and it being rude to one’s partner is very thin. I myself have become internally annoyed many times over this. I do think society is getting worse in this area and that we are almost forced to accept partial attention from anyone we’re with.

  2. LOL…..how on earth do you think of such topics to write on??? πŸ˜› πŸ˜› And we the third world “skirt chasers” take great offense when you say that this might be another “first world issue”! I mean…this is absolute discrimination!! I should probably ask your fellow countryman across the Atlantic, John Oliver to cover this on his next show! πŸ˜›
    I think this is something which is the same across the globe! During my college days I was way too diffident and would find it very difficult to look at a beautiful woman straight…and I have been guilty of many a furtive glance! But, now I realise that women also enjoy looking at men…and nothing gives me more pleasure than looking( not staring…there’s a difference) at a beautiful woman, and realising that she is looking back too!!! πŸ˜€ After all, isnt Tango more fun, when two are at it? πŸ™‚
    Maybe people who lack the confidence resort to sideway glances? What do you say?

    1. Damn! I’m such a racist! I did it again!
      Although I have heard from the Inuits again who say they have no problem with my questions!

      I think if you need plentiful sideways glances you might be staring and that may make some women uncomfortable. As you say there is a difference between looking and staring…you SKIRT CHASER!!! πŸ˜›

      1. LOL!!!!!! But…come on!!! Inuits are from the first world too!!!! πŸ˜›
        Ahhh…Skirt chaser indeed!!!!! Hahahaha… πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

      2. Okay SC! Just had a tribe in the Amazon forest tweet me to say they felt very included in my post, soooo….I’m beginning to feel that possibly… it just might be you who has some esteem issues we need to chat about???!! 😯 πŸ˜€

  3. I think it’s natural for both men and women to check out the scenery. My husband and I are open about it – I’ll even point attractive women out to him πŸ˜‰ And he’ll point out any men that he thinks are checking me out.

    That said, if it makes your partner uncomfortable then you need to decide what’s more important, your desire to ogle or your significant other.

  4. I think I do it more often than my husband (or he pretends not to). I always say, when watching tv or something, “omg what’s her name’s boobs are about to fall off” or “my, my he’s so hot!”. My husband laughs at me and thinks I’m just being ridiculous. Jealousy is non-existent after 20 years of marriage–at least for us. I think we have proven we can be together no matter what we say or do. Lol!

  5. I don’t think it’s so bad to do, male or female. We all appreciate a nice looking person. However, depending on the state of your relationship, and the intent behind the gawking, I can believe how upsetting, annoying it could be. My hubster always has a good old look, and so do I πŸ™‚

  6. I just appreciate a bit of respect and consideration for all parties involved, including companions and the ones being looked at. It isn’t great to be obviously objectified by strangers, as you have no control, and it isn’t nice to be with someone that doesn’t feel the need to give you their focus, no matter what the relationship. I’ll never forget walking down the street once and watching a woman scold her boyfriend for checking me out. I felt doubly horrible – once for the objectification and the other for the woman that now hated me. πŸ˜‰

    1. Lol sometimes I just can’t find the phrasing that I want and you’ve done it: ‘it isn’t nice to be with someone that doesn’t feel the need to give you their focus’ – yup, that’s exactly what I mean when I talk about being un-gentlemanly and rude.

      It’s not a law and you can’t really demand someone’s attention, but it just would be nice that the person you are with considers you important enough to give you the MAJORITY of their attention.

      1. Yes exactly. πŸ™‚ I mean, it takes a lot of characters to make the world go round, and everyone has unique personal standards and priorities. But we have the luxury of being able to choose our friends and lovers, so I prefer to steer clear of the characters in question here…;)

  7. Your observation of how men behave i.e. spit rolling down the chin at the sight of other women, whether single, engaged or married, is spot on! This is not male bashing at all, it’s a simple fact! Men are very insecure as well as ego driven, and want to put their inch into every crevice that’ll have them. they spend their time ogling any and every woman who cross their path, desperately hoping she’ll notice them. They obviously watch re-runs of ‘kalifornication’, which turned out to be so annoying, as actor seems to bonk anything that moves, and they just ‘aaaah’, fall into his manly arms. Pathetic and such Hollywood bullshit.

    The poor little darlings watch shows, which have gorgeous (young, very young) well endowed women, lying all over half clad men, and then some serious kissin’ and ya kno it, goes on…..oh how our deluded darlings dream!

    All they need is to be brought down to zero with a huge fat slap!

      1. but how do I link my business to my blog? Oh please madam E, it can’t be that difficult, please help moi? You are right, what am I pushing for if I keep screwing up the details! but I don’t know how to bloody link, and the http thingy doesnt work. I’ll get onto my website hosts about that. Oh God, need twitchy’s……Son too darn busy with his own shit to help me! I’m so stuck it’s wrong on every level…I’ll give you whatever you want out of my shop if you just tell me what to do. paleeeeze???

      2. No I said your contact link is not working. All you need to do is put an email address there so people who want to contact you can do so.
        Or put it anywhere for example on your About Page and say something like,

        Want to purchase or chat about my products you can contact me here: Deb676@yahoo.com

        If you are making your address public in this manner I would open a new Yahoo account solely for this purpose and keep it separate from your personal email account.
        Let me know if you have any problems.

      3. thanks! I don’t know why the contact link isn’t working, and I’ve tried fixing it. Bugger it. What if I put the email for traderoutz at the end of all my blogs too? or would that be too much do you think? I don’t understand why the link is not working, I checked it this morning with my web hoster and couldn’t find anything wrong! thanks for your unending help. I’m truly grateful x x

      4. I personally think putting an email address at the end of each blog would be overkill.

        The URL address at the top, (the http:www. thingy) you currently have at that link looks weird to me – in any case what I would do is, see how you have an About Us page? Do another like that and call it ‘Contact’ then just put something along the lines of what I wrote before on that page together with your email address.

        Then link that new page to the Contact link instead of what is there now that goes nowhere.

        You do that by first writing the new contact page. Save it. Upload it like any other post, view it then copy the URL address at the top of the page. It should be this: -> https://traderoutz.wordpress.com/contact/

        Paste that address where the current dodgy link address is. Save.

        That’s really all that is needed.

      5. oh my darling Madam Ed. Thank you for this help, seriously, thank you. I will get my Son to do it, as I didn’t set up my page, someone else did, and I haven’t the foggiest idea on how to do what you’ve said! (I know, my talents lie elsewhere LOL) so computer doff sometimes I have to wonder. I AM writing my book though! OK, I’ll read what you’ve advised to my Son, and he can do it. Thank you so very much for your very valued advice. I am truly so grateful, truly I am, thank you. x x

      6. Lol..if I remember correctly that someone was yours truly! Lol again! But I wish you would stop telling yourself you can’t do it though, because I know you can and it really isn’t that hard.

        Anyway you have a son and that is what they are for – I think it says it in the bible somewhere!

        Excited about the book!

      7. Thanks sweetpea, but I often think I’m a bit too forthright, and wonder if I put something like ‘this bullshit buggery bipolar…..’ into the book would offend. Or does nothing offend anyone anymore? Everything is so damn PC, but books shouldn’t be. I’ve pee’d myself laughing at people who just say it like it is. But then there’s the PC brigade…. For e.g. ‘he isn’t very handsome’….or ‘looks wise, he’s challenged’, (which is also bloody funny), but doesn’t….’he’s ugly as fuck’, sound more to the point!? LOLS

      8. Truth is of course you will offend some people. There are people whose day isn’t lived if they aren’t offended often enough to tweet about it.
        For peace of mind you have to be you and let folks find you as you. You don’t have to perform to people who don’t like you. Who cares what they think? That includes publishers. If they don’t like you for you they should sign someone who they like rather than ask you to change into someone else for there lies the road to madness.

        And to be fair in this day and age you could write poop and as long as you have a large online or other audience you will find a publisher.

      9. Yes but I’m going to remind you also that being non-pc and outspoken might make you unsavoury to more people and criticized by more people.
        So be fearless and do it with that knowledge, or be slightly more pc and pragmatic to be perhaps more palatable to more people.
        All I’m saying is know this and make your decision from a position of awareness. That is said with my sensible hat on. As a fan I say fuck ’em. Be you.

  8. I can honestly say I have lived both sides of it as a wife. My ex used to be breast obsessed and even ogled the women on Crystal Light commercials “back inthe day”. He always got the Sport’s Illustrated swimsuit issue and drooled over it. But he did it in front of me blatantly which after awhile left me feeling always inadequte. “You desire them and I am ‘just your wife’. ”
    My husband now of 27 years is the most amazing dedicated ‘sometimes asshole’ (lol) in the world and I love him. He is my best friend. He can find the one thing that is off about any supermodel that the rest of the world is drooling over and always shows me his desire without being insincere or gushy. He’s what I have come to appreciate as ‘authentic romantic’. Yet we both have public figures and have seen people in public we admire and joke with one another about that we would run away with for the weekend, but we would always come back-of course.
    The lesson for me? A confident partner dorsn’t mind someone’s appreciation of beauty and will understand attraction(if they are basically secure) but someone constantly looking the other way-and talking about it-is a recipe for self loathing and self doubt for their significant other. It reflects their own insecurity really.

    1. I would be interested to know why the people who do the drooling whilst understanding that it could be upsetting or annoying still do it. That is one thing I did not ask my friend. (I sometimes find that a taste of one’s own medicine is all that is needed in place of discussion.)

      Plus I should add that I’m like you, the guy was one of my best mates regardless. πŸ™‚

    1. Whilst I personally feel I have no right to give anyone permission to do anything (except for my children) I very much agree.

      But I would also add that if you (the general you, not you per se) were with someone who WAS a little un-confident, whilst it would be your prerogative to do what you wish, it would be quite un-caring and un-gentlemanly to simply ignore that, especially as you could stare all you like in her absence.

  9. None of the above. πŸ˜›

    I WANT to gawp at women all the time but I usually don’t out of respect. Of course, there are times when my resolve crumbles, so I have no defense there.

    We’re all sexual beings. I think it’s a given that men and women are going to be attracted to one another (even if only superficially) no matter how much social mores might try to keep us all decent and acting with the utmost etiquette. Not saying that decency and etiquette are unimportant, but the fact that people need to let their sexuality hang out a little bit sometimes is also important.

    Nothing is gained by being a wowser (not that I think you’re being a wowser, I hasten to add!). Believe me, I’ve tried being all buttoned up and proper for my whole life – even with my own wife – and all it’s done is inhibit me sexually. I don’t blame anyone else for this. It’s entirely my own fault for attempting to “white knight” my way through formative years as a sexual being. It’s so bad now that I don’t even know how to tap the potential within me (if there is indeed any left to be had).

    I wonder if this is why people have affairs? Why they act like desperate teenagers when they hit their 40s? God, that’s a scary thought, especially when I consider that I’m just as capable of these mistakes as anybody. I’m not above that, sad to say.

    I dunno. I don’t always think it’s appropriate that anyone should ogle somebody else purely for sexual gratification. There’s a time and a place, I guess. In the bedroom or the privacy of one’s own home? Probably okay. In public at a woman who just wants to walk by without being felt up by a horny pair of eyes? Not so much.

    I’ve just realised that I’m a bit all over the place with this. Perhaps that’s down to my sexual repression… Good lord. I think I might just get today’s TMI award! πŸ˜›

    1. “Of course, there are times when my resolve crumbles, so I have no defense there.”

      Personally I don’t think you should need one! My friend was doing it in such an ungentlemanly and tongue-hanging-out way or eyes doing the cartoon bulge thing that it was becoming tedious. Nothing wrong with occasionally looking, admiring or even commenting.
      I’m just not the jealous type so this was not the issue. Put it this way, if he were behaving similarly to someone with a facial defect I would also put him in his place.

      What’s a wowser?! I might quite like being one! πŸ˜‰

      “I’ve just realised that I’m a bit all over the place with this.”

      Well, look, to me as I said there is simple looking and there is the above mentioned behaviour – gawping, drooling…repeatedly. I find that rude for the person you are with and the person you are doing it to.
      My problem was not with the fella looking it was the way in which he did it.

      As a woman I respond to politeness and admiration on the streets but not catcalls, drooling and threatening demands for my number – all of which I have received!

      I myself look at both men and women and tell them to their face that I think they are beautiful. No woman (in her right mind) or man would have a problem with this if the message was delivered with manners.

      The award is being engraved Wimbledon tennis style as I write! πŸ˜€

  10. I think an attractive woman is a joy to be admired.
    Not however in any lewd or offensive manner.
    Should this then cause offence; then surely this highlights an insecurity in the person feeling offended?
    What’s so wrong with openly admiring members of the same or opposite sex?
    For either individual partaking in such a distraction providing they are not disguising the fact; then to me it seems an inoffensive thing to do. In fact i see it as being one of life’s remaining little pleasures…and God knows we have very few if any left to enjoy these days.
    I say look smile and just be open about it.
    Good question though…thank you

    1. I’m in perfect agreement. Beauty of any kind is a little gift to the eyeballs! Why hide it? And also if the male can do it he shouldn’t have a problem when the female does it.
      Thanks Bob. πŸ™‚

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