I once was introduced to Marvin Gayes daughter Nona at an LA party.

She ruined it for me.

This was way before she was ‘free from Pharrell Williams and Robin Thicke’s chains’…(ahem!)

The lady was like a tall drink of model. Now I’m hardly one of Dorothy’s munchkins but suddenly I felt very small like I didn’t occupy enough space.

So, what IS that exactly?


Credit: Siri Khalsa / WENN

What is that feeling we get when we see another other person and regardless of our alleged confidence or how we may appear to others, we suddenly feel that the sun has gone behind a cloud?

Even weirder is that try as you like you cannot switch it off. You can’t shake yourself and say ‘grow up!’ and it goes. Instead you find that you don’t want to play in the sand box with the other kids anymore!

It’s strange that I would suddenly think of her, but it has only ever happened to me twice that I can recall.

The second was Mariah Carey, for slightly different reasons and despite meeting equally or far more beautiful, glamorous ladies, it hasn’t happened since.


And I know it’s not just women. I have witnessed supposedly sophisticated men turn into petulant, bitchy 7 year olds when a younger, taller, adonis walks in the room.

It’s not jealousy…in my case at least. But was it envy? ~ ‘a feeling of discontented longing…’

And if so, once we find ourselves doing it, why can’t it be switched off? Why does it linger around like broken wind and ruin the whole evening or dampen your day?

And why would we as smart grown ups even go there?



When was your last ‘sand box moment’, (you know you’ve had one!)
Who was it and how did it make you feel?

And why do you think we can’t control it and switch the damn thing off?



  1. Goddammit, she is gorgeous, but…………the worst thing that we can do to ourselves, is lose sight of our own beauty. To have the courage and chutzpah to stand next to a beautiful woman that we think is beautiful (someone else may not think so)….makes us darn super gorgeous!

    I had the worst time at my daughters wedding. Oh God, I couldn’t find a ‘Mother of the Bride’ dress, and was carrying weight, so just bought a dress from a boutique that I KNEW was wrong for me, but I got flustered and was getting annoyed with looking. The photos look horrific, when, standing next to me is the bloody Mother of the Groom, looking all svelte and lovely. aarrrggghh!! I shall have those pics to haunt me forever. I look like a whale, and hate that dress, and in fact hate everything about how I look and wish I could take it back, but I have to have the courage to love the pics and laugh at the weight, or I’m a loser! and THAT is NOT an option.

    So, I think you probably looked perfectly gorg next to Marvin Gaye’s daughter, and besides, her tits aren’t real!! AND, I bet there’s botox and fillers in that face. Whilst you are just a natural stunner!

    Screw worrying about other women, look at yourself in the mirror and celebrate every inch of your fabulash self. Put your nose in the air and have another glass of wine beautiful!

    1. I’ll have some OJ instead of the wine and do the nose thing! …And this is why you MUST NOT give up on your blog. Take a hiatus when needed, cut down if needs be – but don’t give up on it. I’m not even sure if you know how funny you are sometimes. I was cackling with your description of the Mother Of The Bride dress event.

      1. Lol, it’s all true! and thanks for the compliments. No I have no idea whether I’m funny or not, but I like being honest in a brutal kind of way. hehehe….

        BTW, how do they get the dresses to sit juuuuust above the nipple? do they sticky tape it on like that? Janet Jackson had a serious faux pas with that didn’t she? eeek, luckily hers are plastic perky ones too. I wonder if they ever pop? I wonder about a lot of things, mostly about photoshopping those shitty wedding pics with me in them. God, what an a**wipe!

    1. Lol. No more ridiculous than the rest of us! I’ve seen some great make up tutes at various points. From distant memory they were very good at breaking it down into nice visual step by step actions. Would you like me to dig them up and send you the links?

  2. I have my sandbox moment when I try to share my excitement with my daughter. My life, something new that I have learned at the ripe ole age of 53 is the new black! The 25 year old Who graduated with 3 degrees from Penn. State and travels the world because she can. The daughter that on occasion I have to borrow money from. I know that I got her to this place of experience but, it sure feels overwhelming to watch how easy things have come to and for her. Hell, I want to rub the sand in my eyes!!!!

    1. Wow! What a great take on this discussion. That is such an interesting aspect. It sure exposes how emotionally vulnerable we are to life’s changes and challenges – and it doesn’t necessarily mean as you said so eloquently that we would necessarily have it any other way.

  3. Owwww…so sorry to read this situation can happen….I may have another point of view….because I am veeeery tall…5″11, my daughter is 6″… When we both walk down the street…and have people staring at us….women with a sorta….hate in their eyes….we both feel….the same feeling as yours…..feeling so bad….how could we disappear?…. This to say….never allow anybody to let you feel that way….you don’t know….maybe she is feeling as uncomfortable…as you do… YOU are beautiful….and smart…and sweet ( and all the list of good things you know about yourself) πŸ˜„

    1. Ah thank you for that message! And you are right. I suspect very tall women aren’t the most popular in strange environments for soaking up a lot of attention.
      And in my experience the hate doesn’t just come from other women either. Some of the most pathetic comments have come from men feeling defensive about their own height or lack thereof.
      We’re silly aren’t we? πŸ™‚

  4. It’s definitely a self esteem thing for me. Mine is ridiculously low. I am about as ugly as a warthog wearing a suit full of sick and a maggot-ridden poo hat, so I’ve never been looked at by the women in my entire life. I get very jealous of the attention whenever a beefcake Adonis (of any age) enters the room and suddenly they all wanna talk to him! (You would’ve thought this’d be a thing of the past since I’ve been married, but no, I’m still just as pathetic about that as ever.) πŸ˜›

    1. Okay but here’s the strange thing T. I used to do a tiny bit of modelling right? The most insecure people I have ever met were those ‘beautiful people.’ It’s almost as if they had everything that you just described (the maggot poo hat) dogging them but also the expectation that they are supposed to feel happy, privileged and loving their beauty every second of the day, which simply was not the case.
      The fact that they can enter a room and all eyes were on them was often a curse for them and not blessing. Mostly because they could not understand what the fuss was about and it embarrassed and put undue pressure on them.
      The adonises that come across all cocky and confident? It’s often an act to cope with the attention. If you watch long enough (and as a people watcher, I do) you can see the mask slip.

      I found in life it is really quite average lookers who can be quite vain in this area and enjoy the often misplaced attention. The true beauties tend to carry it as a burden.

      That might help you a little knowing that whatever you may think of yourself, there is a great long queue behind you. In other words, low self esteem is (unfortunately) very normal.

  5. When I was in my late twenties, unhappy and generally a mess, I broke down and went to a psychotherapist. (Best thing I ever did.) One of the helpful things he said when I expressed fear about going out in the world, which advice undoubtedly applies not only to Marvin Gaye’s daughter and Mariah Carey but just about everyone else who intimidates you at a party or a gathering, is that whatever they look like on the outside, everyone is feeling insecure and nervous inside. [Why, for instance, does Ms. Gaye feel she must wear a dress in the photo you posted that barely contains her (artificially inflated?) breasts?] That should not only reassure you but perhaps enable you to approach in a kind and assuring manner!

    1. So true. I’d only just said similar before reading your comment. We’re looking at them saying ‘why can’t I have it all together like they do?’ and they’re looking at someone else (or even us!) saying the same thing! Thanks Nina.

  6. My sandbox moment occurs when my “boyfriend” likes photo’s of women and girls who are 20 years younger than me, never had a baby and have totally shredded bodies. I’m like sorry dude. I can’t reverse in age or erase the baby pooch.. And I’m not exactly a munchkin either..

  7. SoLOL-I was recently introduced to Clive Owens. I was covering an event that he hosted. I’ve always liked him and when I was introduced to him-I was like-I couldn’t say a word. Not like me.SoLOL So someone said something to me and I said, “Wait-I’m star struck.”LOL Then I asked him if I could take some photos of him for the article and he said-“You need to be in the photos with me.” That was like amazing and so I was. How do you deal with it. Truthfully, it happens so infrequently—that if it happens it happens…SoLOL πŸ™‚

      1. You’re right. He’s a really nice guy. Committed to his family, his two daughters and his family life. He’s also got a very pleasant demeanor. I also like his films. He’s just all around a good guy

  8. I have had these same feelings around other mom’s… The ones who seem to have it all together. Their kids are well behaved while mine are like wild animals on espresso, their house is perfectly clean while mine looks like a tornado and a bomb went off… Then they give me a look. It might not be intentional–heck I could just be imagining it- the look of are “those” yours? I feel like an inadequate parent next to them…but then I think… My kids are never wanting anything, they are happy, we are happy and healthy so I shouldn’t care that you will have to wait to sit on the couch until I move the last six loads of laundry I just caught up on after my kids have been throwing up and writing on the walls… Life is too short to measure myself by what I perceive as being “all together ” … So I try not to do it…”try” being the operative word of course….maybe not what you were thinking of, but it’s the first thing that came to my mind.. Haha..

    1. It hits us from all sides doesn’t it? Lol. How we suffer! πŸ™‚ And as someone said, there’ll be someone on the school run glancing in your direction everyday and wishing they could be more like you.

  9. I don’t think I’ve ever had that kind of sandbox moment. I just tend to gabble or go silent, usually in awe. Men and women, I simply lose the ability to talk, but my capacity to giggle and smile like a loon accelerates to a hundred in double-quick time. Yay for looking like a loon πŸ™‚

  10. And why is it just some people that cause these feelings, often instantaneously? As you say then you go out a meet lots of very beautiful/clever/successful people and you feel nothing about them…

  11. I have those moments all the time and that’s okay really because we’re all kids underneath and moments like that remind us that we are. For every celebrity (or even non-celeb) that makes us feel inadequate, there’s someone, or maybe even a couple of someones, who we have that same effect on. I just try to embrace what I have…the cellulite, the wardrobe full of too-tight clothes, the messy house and endless aspirations, etc…the other thing that works is sympathising with the beautiful people – who wants the pressure to maintain all that buffness?

  12. I guess the closest thing for me would be any time that I attend some sort of “ladies only” event (shower, lunch, what-have-you), and not one of them is slovenly like me. It’s not that I look at them and think, “Oh, everyone’s so stylish and pretty and I wish I looked that good, yada yada!” but a feeling of not fitting in AT ALL. There’s a disconnect between myself and “normal” women that goes beyond just appearances.

    It’s probably not the kind of response you were looking for. Maybe I could put it that, in a way, most women are a “Nora” to me? πŸ˜€

    1. Well it’s part of the same thing I’d say . I think you either enjoy all that competitive dressing and make-upping or you don’t.
      There’s definitely something very ‘peacocky’ about those occasions and some women thrive in them and others just can’t wait to get home. It’s not quite ‘envy’ but I definitely know what you mean.

      1. I’ll try again. Working voice actors, especially female ones. During and after college I tried very hard to get an agent for voice acting, and came up with nothing. Then I had to get a job, period, to pay bills, and my life went away from that direction.
        Voice actors are my celebrities, not face ones. I see (or rather, hear) them and wish I could be right there with them in the recording studio. C’est la vie.

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