Why Are You Married??!!!

cwt edt

andy-rooney_t470

Andy Rooney once said:

‘For every stunning, smart, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!’

 

What say you??!!

Single ladies, is marriage an important future must-have for you?

Wives, does Any Rooney’s words strike a chord? Is the traditional marriage dying a death and do you recommend it for your daughters?

Guys…what can I say? (Snurffle!) Do you agree with Andy Rooney’s reason for the diminishing appeal of marriage or no? Do you wish it for your sons?

 

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125 comments

      1. Thanks dear. I think that sometimes we get so obsessed with institutionalising or labeling problems that already know themselves well. Our energies will be well spent on working on our own behaviour. What are we showing children? We say that we want to be loved.

        I am so glad that I found your blog. It is thought provoking and positively uplifting at the same time. A rare combination. Have a lovely weekend dear. πŸ™‚

  1. It takes one to know one……write on !

    If music be the food of love……play on !

    Am flattered ! Hugs kisses ! Hope to meet you some time in future….even in afterlife
    if it exists ?

  2. Much prefer dem country gals who only wash when the rain cum down !
    Seriously
    Was enjoying the flirtacious “waffle”… feminism is admired …feminists
    despised.

    Chauvanism and egoistic attitudes are also repulsive.

    Am more relaxed in the company of females ….even gays…but am straight….
    What you see is what you get !
    Write on…..

  3. 1815 …awaiting moderation…..obviously american ….born ? Bred USA ……….
    After moderation look in my eyes and answer my question ?
    Calipso comes to mind….
    Walk and wine…..after his girlfriend returned home from the big apple !πŸ—½

  4. Nabaclais ECD …..my last response to that question by immigration official on UK entry….

    Where is nabaclais ? My response Timbuctu ….she smiled and handed me back my “flag of convenience ” British European Passport.

    Born in Nabaclais village east coast demerara BG….where I grew up.

  5. I can’t read all the comments before mine, and I know I’m after the fair, but here is my 2c. I’ve been married for over thirty years. My grandparents were all married ’til death do us part,’ my parents and my husband’s parents all divorced fairly young (still with small children). What my grandparents had (both sets) was a working partnership. There was no mad passion, no undying love (by the time I knew them), but in each they had a working relationship with division of labour and enough comfort with one another that even if it wasn’t perfect they seemed okay with it. I know that my father’s parents were ‘madly in love’ when they married, I don’t know for sure about my mother’s parents. I saw some of the love letters. They were really sweet, and my uncle (father’s brother) was worried I would be shocked. :-)j

    Anyway. Both my parents and my husband’s parents thought they were madly in love with each other when they married. There was no physical violence in either marriage, but both my father and my husband’s father were somewhat emotionally abusive. Both my mother and my mother-in-law claim that they didn’t stop loving their husbands, even though they divorced them.

    I was always (still am) a person who thinks thing through. I looked at these examples of marriage and decided I wanted what my grandparents had. ‘Til death do us part,’ and a working relationship. I figured that if I could find someone with a similar outlook then he and I could work on the ‘falling in love’ part. I found mine was not a popular attitude, and I was called cold and calculating by some. But – I met the husband, and we decided to get married. I wanted the connection to another human being, I wanted a long term commitment because there are simply things that will never happen without that long-term commitment. I wanted married because when you are married you have a lot more motivation to work on things rather than to just split up the minute it gets hard.

    It got hard. Very hard. I married an emotionally abusive man (who saw that coming?). I became severely disabled. We had six children. It was hard. Fortunately for me, I had the hard work ethic and I worked on myself and what I brought into the marriage. I don’t recommend this for anyone in a physically abusive/life threatening situation, but let me tell you, there were years of hell, but today I can say I’m glad I stayed. I’m glad I did the work. And today The Husband is also doing His work. We are not deliriously happy, but we are comfortable. And the jackpot is that things just keep getting better.

    I do not believe that marriage is for everyone, and I believe that people who want to have some alternative form of marriage (three or more adults for instance) ought to be allowed to marry however they want and give it a try. I believe that marriage should be hard to get out of (or else too many people would just leave instead of doing the work), but not impossible (that physical abuse issue of course, but also some people find they have made a real mistake. Let them go). I believe that as society allows people more freedom to not marry if they choose, that more people will choose to stay single, which isn’t a bad thing. No one should be forced to get or stay married who doesn’t want it. And I believe that until men start growing up, more and more women will be choosing to do without that pig.

    I think the gub’mint and religion ought to have little or nothing to do with marriage, but we live in the real world and neither institution is going to butt-out at this stage of the game. So pay tribute to caeser and then do what you want.

    I have six children as I said. Two of them have married, one couple appears to be quite happy, the other married two men at the same time and the relationship didn’t work out. Now she is married (I think not legally, but not because they didn’t want to), to one man and they have an ‘open relationship.’ They seem very happy together, and the others who come and go in their relationship don’t seem to threaten their core union.

    It’s all good, really, but I do wish those men would grow up already. It happened in part because American society went from seeing marriage as something that was good for a man, to something that caged and limited the man. Instead of extolling the virtues of maturity and reason, we’ve extolled rampant sexuality and individualism without limit. In fact marriage is good for the man. Married men live longer than their single counterparts, unlike married women. On many scales marriage makes more sense for men.

    And my thoughts ramble on to more and other things. I believe that somewhere in this discussion ought to be something about children. Because really, the question of marriage is not complete if there isn’t some thought for the well-being of children, whether in a traditional marriage, single-parentage or something alternative. The children need to be taken care of, loved, and helped to grow into the sort of maturity I’ve been extolling. That was part of the purpose of marriage – to provide for the children. Why aren’t they being at all considered? Just because many (perhaps most) men are pigs?

    Too many thoughts. I’ve got to stop. But congratulations on a most thought- and discussion-provoking lead. πŸ˜‰

    1. Woah! What a story! Fascinating. What’s also great are the conclusions and lessons learnt from your experiences. You raise a number if excellent points. Marriage being better for men than women on the whole. I can see that, on so many levels. The immaturity aspect. The point about a marriage that is chosen for practical reasons and not just passion and attraction seeming cold to some but hey guess what…it’s practical!

      Very, very interesting and fantastic addition to the conversation.

    2. Question
      China failed in limitation of a single child per couple….now corrected …..as many as you can
      afford. If state was to replace “child care” think of the consequences ! Not to mention
      the love and care of the family unit.???
      That is why the Royals of past ….more recent Queen Victoria were so engaged in their children s future……care and control at the “extremes” ….

      My position was always “liberal” in my children upbringing.
      Viv LA Vida…..today they have far exceeded my expectations…..which was always ambitiously high….

      Looking back with nostalgia…..must be lucky !

      Que sera

      1. I don’t think I understand the question. It seems as if you are asking me to justify China’s one child policy, or something like that. I have never said that the gub’mint should control child-rearing. Perish the thought. I do, however, think that the gub’mint, organized religious groups, and/or local communities could and should do more to ensure that all children get a decent start in life. It is in the best interest of all of us – the whole human race, in fact – that children grow into healthy, sane and productive citizens/individuals.

        The topic was marriage, however, and while I don’t think we can or should leave children entirely out of any discussion on marriage, I also am not interested in starting a whole new thread here. The discussion of how to ensure the well-being of children is way too deep and convoluted.

  6. My husband and I dated for 2 years before getting married (and 9 months of those 2 years was planning a wedding…and no, not because I was pregnant, haha). We got married at 20, and we have been married almost 3 years now. I wouldn’t change it at all. I married him for a simple reason: I fell in love with him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I would recommend marriage to our kids, and I would tell them that when they’re ready, they’ll know. Just like we did. It’s been a great ride so far, with ups and downs of course, but I wouldn’t change it for the world, and I can’t imagine being without him. πŸ™‚

  7. Well, as for me, I skipped my first marriage and sensibly waiting until I was 40. Why should I rush into anything when there was plenty of sausage to sample? After I found the right level of savory, I went with it. Thirteen years later, I’m still enjoying it…

  8. Reblogged this on Journey to Joy and commented:
    This is an interesting commentary about marriage from a blog I follow (The Journal). The question being posed is “Why are you married?” Well, in answer, I’d have to say I married my best friend, who is still my best friend after 34 years. We have a lot of friends who have been married as long or longer than us. One thing we’ve always done is put our marriage quite high on our priority list (above jobs, money, etc.). Our marriage even goes above our children in our priority list because we believe that the best thing you can do for your kids is to have a strong marriage. You have to “work” at a good marriage but the dividends are well worth the investment! It’s really great to still have someone to cuddle with, share old jokes with, and visit our grandchildren with – even when we both are at that stage of our lives where we might be called “paunchy relics”. πŸ™‚

    1. Great attitude and as ‘harsh’ as the ‘above the kids’ thing sounds it actually make sound sense.

      I couldn’t agree more with marrying your best friend. Those relationships have always meant more to me than ones with that nebulous notion of ‘romance’ attached. They seem ‘real-er’ and are based on stronger foundations in my experience.

      1. Fickle minded female !
        Socially domesticated wild animal…hunter gatherer with emphasis on hunt !

        Instinctively animalistic..what are my chances of soulmate?

        You gave me a 7 ….love you !
        How do. get a 9.999 ?

  9. Some of us are “socialites” others “loners”…..most neither.
    Myself…..socially domesticated wild animal…hunter gatherer …with emphasis on the “hunt”

    Instinctively animalistic…what are my chances of a “soul mate” ?
    Out of 10 ?

  10. From where I’m sitting, there’s a lot more to marriage than milk or sausages (to use Rooney’s metaphor). I can understand why people can’t see the point when “it’s just government paperwork” – I wasn’t keen on the paperwork either, but it saved more paperwork later on, so we went with it. Marriage is about the vows: mutual pledge of perpetual love, loyalty and support.
    My grandpa said that marriage is wonderful, if you marry the right person. I think a lot of people could do with thinking a bit longer before they rush into marriage. Feelings are lovely, but they don’t last fifty years. Love that lasts isn’t a feeling, it’s a decision (or rather never-ending series of decisions) to do what’s best for the loved one.

  11. I am happily married….and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But it is not for the weak of heart. It takes work and patience and unconditional love. In a society that is ‘me’ driven. (Not saying that is a bad thing). It’s harder to stay the course. It’s not always fun. But it can be amazing. I lived with my husband for almost five years before we were married. We were very sure we wanted to spend forever together. I will support my kids either way. I will say, my friends that are in their late 30’s early 40’s and aren’t married are not very happy??? Do you thing we as people are wired (for lack of a better word) for coupledom??? Or family life? I don’t know???

    And as a 40 year old lady….the men in the yellow pants….who would want them????? 😝

    1. Do you think that your late 30’s and 40’s friends have been brain washed by society into dissatisfaction with their lives?
      And I don’t mean that unkindly, but society sends very strong messages about who we SHOULD be and what we SHOULD be doing all the time. It takes a resilient mind to write ones’ own unique story despite all the pressure.

      Or are they ‘simply’ frightened of being alone? I could understand being open to another relationship, but being actively unhappy about being single, why? …Or am I taking your words too literally?

      I don’t know if we are wired for coupledom. I’m sure a study must have been done at some point. In nature you certainly have animals that are wired to be monogamous all their lives. We are a mixture of nature and nurture so I guess that’s what spits out people who ultimately go either way.

      1. Very well said. Society has done enough damage to every woman who has thought she is nothing without a man. I’ve been married, have had a child, gone dating yet I can find serenity and happiness even as a single female. Sure we need sex but we need to think of ways to get it without constantly getting the short end of the stick.

      2. Genetically as per DNA we are all different…..unique.
        We are who are are first and foremost everything else secondary.
        Maybe that’s why ‘China’ s one child per person policy failed.
        Today we have as many children as we can afford.
        Commonsense approach to procreation.
        2 daughters
        2 sons
        6 grandchildren ….one male.
        But not queen Victoria …..viv LA Vida to my legacy.

        Que Sera sera

  12. Totally a single lady here…and would like to get married I guess.
    I don’t think one has to get married, being in a relationship without marriage is perfectly fine too. It just tends to be what people think of as ‘the next step’. To be honest, how you feel about the person is all that matters…right?
    Having said all that, I think we think of marriage as something a lot less than it is now. I by no means am against divorce, not against it AT ALL, but…we go in knowing there’s a way out, don’t we? Is it all that it used to be?
    Man, theeditorsjournal, you’ve made me think today.
    I’ve come out of this comment with lots more questions than I went in with.

    1. Thats good! πŸ˜€
      Isn’t it strange Mari for all the time we spend in school learning fairly useless information like plate techtonics in geography, (ueselss in that the majority of students are not heading for that field), life altering things like this are never really discussed.

      The person you choose to live with supposedly for the rest of your life is left to chance, guess work and sometimes just too many shots of alcohol!

      One can’t legislate or study ‘love’, but an informal chat about some of the things folks have touched on in this post before young ones are chucked out in the world wouldn’t go amiss. Not just at school but at home too.

      1. I completely agree. Just the other day, a dear friend of mine was speaking about her younger sister, still in high school, and her wish to actually learn how to manage money.
        ‘It’s something I’m going to learn on my own as I go along, but a helping hand would be really great.’
        But, of course, what really matters is that we know about element oxides and their reactions with water, right?

  13. Ever since reality TV shows became popular, and people actually started to BELIEVE that crap, thinking that if they dressed, behaved, spoke, drove the same car as their ‘fav’ reality star, they would be just fiiiine thenk you. Welcome to the world of fantasy. What was once a bedtime story, has now become a living, breathing reality!! It’s awful and it’s a lie.

    No one is happier than he or she who is married in truth. Who has been taught what TRUTH is, and how to distinguish fact from fiction. Living a life of truth, loving WHO you are, WHO you are with, and what life you are leading, is the most absolute wonder, and if every Being could just trust themselves enough, everyone would be so much happier.

    Don’t wait for a husband or wife to make you happy, because if you are happy with who you are, you silently give them permission to be happy too! Then, it’s a wonderful, real world for you AND your partner, kids and so it goes on…….TRUTH, not Fantasy…

  14. This post gave me a good chuckle. I think that it depends on the two people involved and how committed they are to being committed. How much value that they bring to the committment but I don’t think of marriage as the end all or the be all. First you need to know (at least more than less :)LOL) who you are and then pray that the higher power gives you the wisdom to make the right choice. So I’m on the line about marriage. Like I said: It all depends. πŸ™‚

    1. I would agree with that Sora. It would be interesting to know how many people actually think of these practical things that are beyond the emotional feelings of first love (or lust) when accepting marriage.

      1. LOL-I was born in Brooklyn even though I live in Manhattan now and I grew up hearing my Mom said-“Sora-always make the practical choice.” I just think that for a long term committment it’s those practical things and a lot of self-knowledge that help support you to get through those tougher spots and to gracefully keep the commitment. So I guess that there’s a part of me that’s just practicalLOL. But I’m still on the fence. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

      2. What next “self gratification” …my sisters words, the only way am satisfied sexually.
        My response selfishly sad…
        Sharing and caring is much more rewarding regardless of risks !

        That’s life
        Que Sera sera

  15. I’m not against marriage, but I don’t find it necessary for happiness. I wasn’t born with the “bride gene” and have never been the type of girl who sat around dreaming about her future wedding. Would I like to spend my lifetime with an amazing man who makes my heart race? Of course. Does that necessarily mean I want to get married? Absolutely not. A marriage is a contract; I don’t find a relationship any more meaningful with the sharing of last names and and signed document. Besides, why should I pay a state money to recognize my relationship? And if it doesn’t work out, I’ll have to pay even more. Other than the tax breaks and insurance, it just doesn’t seem worth it to me.

  16. Yes……a bit “old fashioned” ….but romantically so !
    Don’t need a legal document to “legalise” love.
    Love is unconditional.πŸ˜‡

  17. Reblogged this on LauraMcDaniel and commented:
    Great post – this is the topic my friend Erica and I have had as well. Being over 50 definitely makes you rethink how we feel about marriage – in my case, I’m divorced though (so it’s a struggle to trust again). I can speak only for what I see in Erica that a loss of a spouse though is harder and I applaud her for first wanting to ‘find out who she is’ (alone)… (personally I LIKE who she is with or without a man)! πŸ™‚

  18. Both my partner and I are against marriage. I would rather have a contractual arrangement regarding any issue the two people create (they will love and care for the kids, educate them, etc.). Currently the marriage ceremony and the laws are all about the two getting married and almost nothing about the children. The people in the relationship don’t need a contract with each other; they need a contract regarding the children they might have.

    1. Good point Steve. That would be a good update for the marriage contract. Too many people are so casual about the kids that emerge from a marriage once they get bored of that marriage.

      1. I’d probably leave it out of the discussion then de castro. Having said that, how many children then happen ‘by accident?’ It should be kept in for those ‘accidents.’

  19. Marriage is one of if not the most binding and lopsided contracts you will ever sign…..
    Hence “prenuptuals” or marriages in Dominican Republic or overseas.
    Living in sin lot more “fashionable” today.
    Victorian gentlemen had mistresses
    Kings had concubines
    Today live with my “hooker” !
    Am her pro in bed ! Isn’t love wonderful.πŸ˜‡

  20. I found that comment about the pig hilarious! I never heard that before. Now to answer your question: I’ve been married for ten years and have 3 daughters (1 son). I believe marriage can be beautiful but you get out of it what you put into it. Marriage has been contaminated by society’s view on sex and love. Real marriage requires two strong people to humble themselves in love, honor and respect. This is something too few people are willing to do. Not all men are the same and not all women are whores. I would definitely recommend marriage to my daughters because it is a beautiful thing to share your life and dreams with someone you love and trust. What’s the point of obtaining wealth when you have no one to share it with?

  21. I am a late 40-something, degreed professional. I work in wealth management by day which pays the bills, I’m not rich but I don’t want for much. I am an entrepreneur who runs her own business, which feeds my passion. I volunteer/hold a management position with a non-profit organization that feeds my soul. I have amazing friends. I don’t have much trouble getting a date if I happen to be in the mood for one. And I am single by choice. That is not to say that I am opposed to marriage (much). But my life is very, very good. I do what I want, when I want, I buy what I want, I go when and where I want, I cook myself fantastic meals or I take myself out to delicious restaurants (that *I* choose). I treat me FAR better than any man ever did. So aside from the fact that I don’t really have time for a man, but with a life this good, for me to ‘make room’ for another human being in it, he would have to be pretty damn phenomenal.

    1. I don’t think that is a bad attitude to have from the get-go Tammy. The amount of particularly young women and men who accept below par partners to fill a hole in their lives that they themselves have dug is astounding.

  22. I loved that “sausage” comment,lol…I don’t think that I’d mind either way if I got married or not, but I know for my family it’s a big thing for me to get married…Mainly though, just to have a great big party =D

  23. I have been married a few times. Now I have been single for quite a few years. Sometimes it’s nice not to have to ask anyone for permission to do anything. Other times, I really miss having a best friend.

  24. It depends on the intelligence of your match and the strength of your commitment. I’ll have been married 30 years this year. We met and married within 7 months when we were in college. We did university with kids in tow. We have similar professional careers, similar salaries, and share IQs. He does the majority of the housework, because he doesn’t want to pay for the housekeeper, and I work full-time. (He does too, but I would pay for the housekeeper, because I hate doing housework). We celebrate each others’ strengths and weather the irritations. With kids grown, life is good.

    We are opposite in temperament: he gives me stability and reliability, and I offer him lightness, passion, and enthusiasm. (Think dark & light). We can discuss anything. We also have our own hobbies and interests. I belong to Rotary and writing groups, love theatre. I am in grad school. I like to be out, learning new things, generally with others. He likes riding his bicycle a hundred kilometers (every day if possible) alone with his thoughts. That is to say, we don’t live in each other’s pockets. We are looking forward to retirement and many more years together exploring the globe.

    Why does it work? Because not working is not an option. If you aren’t willing to consider backing out, then you work things out! We respect one another. We may yell now and then, but that’s rare, because it’s unnecessary. We apologize. We are reasonable, rational humans who are secure in the relationship and ourselves. Both of us came from 2 parent families and our parents are both still married, so we had good role models. His parents have been married 57 years, mine 54 years (and my parents had each been through a divorce previously). It is good to know someone has your back. Lost the car keys? Broke an ankle? Flat tire in the middle of nowhere? A phone call away. The warm embrace every night and no fear of STDs is a pretty great thing, too. How great is it to know someone bears witness to your life with affection and appreciation, someone who knows all about you, and likes you anyway, someone you enjoy emotionally, intellectually, physically. Really great.

    My daughter has been with her guy 8 years. She’s 28. They’re not married on paper, but they are legally and emotionally. I hope the paper shows up soon, because standing up to say “I mean to love you forever” is still worth something.

    That said, if you’ve got a mountain of baggage from an abusive childhood or something, you should probably get that worked out before you pile it on anyone else. Learn to live with yourself. And if you’ve got the attitude that someone has to be right for you, but not that you have to be right for someone else, you should probably skip it as well.

  25. Good question! I have never really cared too much about marriage, honestly. Most of my life I didn’t want to get married mainly because I felt like I didn’t like the risk of my marriage not working out. I also have never really been interested in the marriage ceremony, personally. If other people like the traditions, that’s great. The traditional ceremony is just not for me and what I believe (I don’t really like the whole “woman as property” being given away by her father sort of stuff). That’s just my perspective though.

    Right now, if I get to a place in which I’m with a person who I’d like to marry, then I would be open to considering marriage. But I have never felt like I need to get married to be happy.

  26. Reblogged this on The Blogging Path and commented:

    “It’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!”

    I’ll have top agree with Mr. Rooney. Definitely, traditional marriages have lost their appeal. It’s like trying to keep a job that pays, only much harder trying to stay afloat in a relationship that may not always last forever.

  27. All I can say is that I didn’t get to hear Andy Rooney say that in person. But I’m so glad you shared it, because it gave me the best laugh I’ve had in months. I know about those pigs in yellow pants, and they’re just way too stupid for me to bother to post about them.

      1. Yes, and thank God there is a tiny smidgen of the male population who don’t fall into that category. But — doggone it — most of them are already taken.

  28. I don’t know if my situation is widely applicable but I feel like my relationship with my wife is a great partnership. We balance each other. Unfortunately it seems that marriage as a “brand” has had a bad few decades. People seem to be buying it for the wrong reasons and return it as soon as something goes a little wrong. It’s a commitment, not toaster.

      1. It’s the people but just like any other “brand”, it’s the company name and that gets the bad reputation. Almost no one knows the names of the BP employees that most directly contributed to the gulf situation. We know that BP screwed up. Marriage on its own is a pretty cool thing. A life of supporting and loving another person is a good thing. It’s only when we put that ideal into the hands of people that it gets mangled.

        I have faith in people though. I think we’ll eventually figure this stuff out. I’d prefer divorce to battered women of past suffering in silence with no escape.
        The next step is less divorce through better selection. If that means a period of time where fewer people get married, so be it. Perhaps the 80% mentioned is not a bad thing but rather an evolution toward a more serious view on a big commitment.

  29. I think marriage is awesome. It is the most wonderful, exciting, fulfilling adventure ever. Honestly I feel bad for all those who have been led to believe marriage is not worth pursuing. We’ve done a grave disservice to people if we’ve led them to believe that.

    1. Thank you IB! Marriage is awesome!…For you. What of those for whom it is not quite so awesome? Is it that they have been LED to believe this OR they have experienced it personally at it’s not so awesome-ness?

      1. It became not so awesome to other people because of how they made it happened. Marriage is a commitment to love one another either from good or bad situations. It’s a commitment wherein people are not always obedient, so it end up to what we are calling now, “not-so-awesome” πŸ™‚ marriage is simple to understand, hard to work to make it work, but worth all the effort. By the way, I’m not yet married πŸ™‚

      2. Domestic violence is, I guess, a result of great misunderstanding. From my own belief, women should not step on any man’s ego. It’s the only thing that is left for them to be man. Women are so eager to fight for their rights and so on, but we are always forgetting the fact that men are also weak in some ways. Violence is a result of hurt or unsettled issues. Pain that piled up from the past. People nowadays are so dumb fighting for their own rights and stands, we are so legalistic we end up being unforgiving, less understanding and ungracious creatures. “It all starts with one thing” as per Eminem, so true. I still believe in marriage! lol

        I don’t know if I answered your question correct. (I’m a 100% female and person. So I belong to that dumb people most of the time too) πŸ™‚

      3. Do you really believe that DM is the result of stepping on a mans ego K? Or are you merely giving one example of what could lead to DM?

        Do you not think one can stand up for one’s rights without being ‘legalistic’ unforgiving etc?

        I’m not even sure why these things are necessarily connected. If someone came and took over your home and kicked you out on the street in your pyjamas, would you just accept it and walk away and be forgiving and gracious? Or would you stand up for your rights to your home?

        Are you asking therefore that a woman who is beaten up by a man should stop being ungracious, understand that he is hurt and unsettled and get on with the dinner? Have you ever seen a female DM victim that has been attacked by man?

        I’m puzzled K. I think I may be misunderstanding what you are saying – it might be a language thing so I had to ask.

    2. I think another disservice is that society leads people to believe you’re not “whole” or “normal” if you choose to have a satisfying and fulfilling life on your own. I do agree with you that marriage is awesome… for some. But so is being single, for some. My life is complete and fantastic and an adventure every day. I’m not opposed to marriage, if it happens great, if it doesn’t that’s great too, but my life is not lacking for want of a partner. I am glad you found someone you care enough for, and who must care enough for you, that you were willing to take that leap. I just haven’t found anyone yet who is more appealing that what I’ve got now, cuz what I’ve got now is pretty great. Cheers. πŸ˜‰

    3. Glad you have a good one – but every one I have ever seen is a nightmare… it isn’t ‘leading’ if it is true. From boredom to cheating to abuse, I hope that we are (FINALLY!) learning that staying together ‘for the kids’ or out of fear or ennui or simply wanting to not be ‘alone’ is wrong. Friends and family, arts, music, conversation – all these things can be done with others without tying yourself to one person for life. The exciting lover when you want sex, the calm cuddly lover for quiet Sundays, the brilliant businessperson for long dinners to discuss business, the arts lover for those arts and music dates…. and all of you are friends together. What could be better than a life of mental and sexually stimulation with multiple partners to keep things fresh, new, and exciting? And you don’t have to pick up their dirty socks or underwear, listen to them gripe about you not cleaning the house well enough, or put up with slam-bam-thank-you-mame-roll-over-snore . . . ROFL

      1. And no, ‘theeeditorsjournal’ – not making the funky all together at the same time! LOL I just read my comment after your 8o – I mean dating people you care for and trust in non-monogamous relationships, each fulfilling different needs. You each get what you need from the relationship. I won’t go to a monster truck pull or a country music festival for love nor money, but if the person who likes that goes with someone who does like those things, more power to him – I will spend my time with him doing things we like doing together, mountain hiking and biking. ;-}
        Besides – being alone can be so comfortable!

      2. πŸ˜‰ Though I suppose those UF novels where a woman is mated to two or more Were might be a good idea for the woman in question – get your needs met by one or the other – Tee Hee!

  30. I’m with The Mister because I wanted him more than I wanted anyone ever. We’re married because we have a society that says it’s not official without the certificate, and not having that can create problems for other institutions, like finance, insurance, and legal issues.
    I don’t care if my children marry. I do hope that if they choose to spend their lives with someone they’ll choose people who are good for them, and whom I can stand!

      1. I suspect it has a lot to do with religion or morality as defined by THEM. We had a judge perform our union. We’re not even really “married” to THEM πŸ˜‰

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