Bill Cosby. So?

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One would have had to be meditating under a rock somewhere to have missed the rape’n roofy allegations levelled at ‘America’s Favourite Dad’ Bill Cosby. I know what I think…

But he is not the focus today.

The question that I would like to ask is so?…And?

As the whispers die out a little, replaced by the next internet hoo-ha, wouldn’t this whole thing be a waste if left merely as salacious gossip and speculation on numerous blogs with likely no outcome either way?

 

So let me turn the spotlight focus on YOU dear reader!

Since learning about the allegations what have YOU done as a parent, a big sis, a big bro’, an aunty, a god parent?

Parents, what have you chatted about with your daughters? This issue is rife in entertainment. It happened to me quite a few times and in alliance with a lot of the alleged victims regarding the tired, oft repeated, kinda snidey accusation, ‘Why didn’t they speak up sooner?’ I simply got on with life.


But the behaviour under the microscope is not exclusive to the entertainment world.
It can affect your/our kinfolk wherever they are.

 

So?…

So did you read about the accusations, maybe make a comment about how shocked you are and leave it at that…next story?

If you haven’t discussed this with your children…yet, what sage advice WOULD you give your daughter, son and other people’s daughters and sons about the work or social based predators they might meet as they get older and how to prepare for them?

 

Main Advice

I’d have plenty to tell them but my Main Advice would be to let the child/teen know that I’m open 24/7 to be told about anything.

Nothing is too uncomfortable to discuss with Mom, or me as a favourite aunty, if they choose to offload with me for whatever reason.

Also I’d be there as a parent, not their best friend. As an authority figure they should be able to rely on me to kick some scumbag ass on their behalf.

How about you? What is your Main Advice, one line (or more) of sage knowledge to the young ‘ins today on this issue?

 

Today, let’s school THEM in the comments below.

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35 comments

  1. All very good advice. I know this is about Bill Crosby and what you should do in situations outside of home. But what advice for those youngsters who actually live with an abuser. What do parents do in that case, especially if one of the abusers is a parent. I know this is opening up a can of worms, but most abuse takes place in the home by people they youngsters know. How do you tell mum that dad is abusing you?

    1. Well this is my territory unfortunately. I think this is where a good aunty comes into play, or a god parent. Tell them. How many people casually agree to be god parents and then never bother to do anything after the christening? Step up adults! Teachers, neighbours, big sister, brothers, older cousins. A lot this stuff happens in the house and mothers know it’s happening and do nothing or are unapproachable. As the saying goes, ‘it takes a village.’ Too many people are looking the other way. If you are a good person stay vigilant and make yourself available to any child you think might need it.

      I could make a wrong judgement but I would risk my friendship / relationship with anyone to protect a child. They are not important. The child is. And if they set their ego aside they would know that too, even if I was wrong to risk an accusation or even misunderstood what the child was saying.
      Thanks Marie.

      1. I agree wholeheartedly with what you say. As a survivor of abuse I know only too well the damage that is done to a small child. It is the sort of damage (personally speaking) one never really comes to term with. I would like to think that in these modern times, a good aunty or god-parent will help the abused child. Unfortunately for me, that help was not available, even though members of my family knew exactly what was going on – one member even sought to blame me!!! Thanks for your thoughts.

      2. Man that’s bad, bad, bad. The sad thing is that as we speak there are children going through the same thing right now and until humans end it will never stop. Sobering thought huh?

        I apologise to you for them and I hope that even though you haven’t come to terms with it it has not defined you and that you have found better family members, this time of your own choosing from your daily experiences. Include me in that if it ever gets too much to think of.

      3. Oh you lovely, lovely person thank you so much for your support. Your message has gone deep within my heart and touched me in a way that words cannot adequately express. There are such kind and loving and generous people such as you on WordPress that I’m so glad that I discovered blogging. I found it is one way of unburdening the load I have carried for many years. If I can ease the pain of one person out there, then I feel I am achieving my purpose. I include you as a treasured family member. Thank you.

  2. When raising my Daughters, nothing was taboo in my home. Absolutely nothing! We’d all (including Dad) get in the Sauna (with panties on). my little girls were still very young, and I wanted them to NOT be ashamed of their bodies, so there was no need for full costumes, and sit, chatting for hours. I taught them all about sex with a book I got from the library that was written with drawings for children. Sometimes it was embarrassing, (the pics), but I had to tell them what was going on. Not, ‘the stalk came’, Or ‘Jesus gave Mommy a baby’…I found TRUTH worked.

    Then came the discussion on their own bodies. I ensured that they were so proud of their bodies, that their bodies were like temples, and that NO man, unless they were serious about him, should touch their bodies.Their bodies were sacred, as are all womens’ bodies.

    Plenty of questions were asked, as we sat for ages (without Dad) on my bed, drinking tea and eating biscuits, making it a very relaxed situation to be in, and not an embarrassment. I believed and still do, that every woman should honour her body, and the more men she allows entrance to, a free pass, the less wonderful or special her body is. (Just my thoughts).

    Rape was a subject that was discussed (with Dad), who explained how men could behave, what they say etc etc…to get a girl into bed, and then Dad taught them what to do if caught in a difficult situation. (Dad is a karate instructor). My girls were taught to stay away from seedy joints, but mostly, I told them, that if they were going to have a serious relationship, their boyfriend was to move into my house and share their room. They were going to do it anyway, so rather in a safe environment right?

    Most people would think I’m crazy, but it ensured, no back seat seedy sex went on. No gangsters jumping them in the middle of their rushed performance. They were never in danger in this regard,and there was never any embarrassment.

    I had to listen to it ALL. OMG, TRUTH can hurt, but today, they are grown up, they honour themselves, their bodies. They are proud of being woman, and they love being woman, with no hang ups.

    I’m proud of how I did it, and would do it the same way again.

    I do not think Bill Cosby would’ve gotten near them!
    x x x

    1. Nice one. I like this method. When I was living in Scandinavia my girlfriend told me that it was common for her family to walk about naked when she was young. It might be too much for some but to be honest why the hang up about bodies? We’ve all got them. The hang ups are so ingrained and silly really, stemming from old ways of thinking.
      But that is separate from not respecting your body and who you share it with. It is interesting to note that in the recent arrests of Asian men pimping young girls, they chose to take advantage outside of their culture. Girls are very protected (sometimes to the other extreme) in their culture and one can’t imagine a Bill Cosby scenario happening because of that as with your scenario.
      Forewarned is forearmed as they say.

  3. I think that in posting this post that you are one big hearted, compassionate, courageous individual and I also agree that the only real “helpful” thing for a person who has gone through this experience is to have someone listen to them WITH NO JUDGEMENT. Sora

  4. M advice….Keep your eyes open and follow your instincts…and to quote the line from Forrest Gump..”Don’t do anything stupid”…I don’t know what the definition of stupid really is…

    Just want to narrate a story…I have gone back to being a student after more than a decade…and my co-students are all college and school girls(at least a decade younger to me)…now…as is expected…they have all quickly become very good friends with me…but…I was saddened and happy at the same time…to note that, the youngest(a Oscar Wilde loving school kid) who happens to be my favourite, and vice versa…was very cautious about sharing phone numbers or in general interacting with me…for a very long time! I guess it is a sign of the times we live in…that kids have to be super careful, while dealing with men, who might be very friendly and cheerful…but may turn out to be their worst nightmare!

    1. I always think that is such a shame that now when we see men and children a voice of suspicion creeps into our heads.

      But I would rather be slightly wrong about a situation and offend a guy than be fatally wrong and I see no solution to this problem.

      On another note I love me some Oscar Wilde!

      1. Exactly…exactly…I feel exactly the same way…better be safe than sorry…and as it turned out..nearly a year after we got to know each other…the kid told me…”you are a pretty awesome friend to have”…I think it was worth the wait! :3

  5. My daughters are all grown up now, and I am proud that they know that they have the right to defend themselves, and not only the right to say ‘no,’ but experience in saying ‘no.’ ‘No’ is not something you can spend an entire childhood telling a child in essence that they are not allowed to say ‘no’ to you, and then expect them to go out in the big wild world able to stand up for themselves. As they have encountered various challenges, including sexual harassment at work (youngest daughter was dealing with this just months ago) they have made me proud.

    On another and at least equally important note, I have three sons as well. I feel reasonably confident that none of my sons, two now men and the third coming up fast, will ever be the sort of men that will give a woman any trouble. Again, in situations that I know of, they have been almost unfailingly polite, and with good boundaries. My sons do not see women as objects nor do they think they are ‘entitled.’

    I don’t have good words for all this, but I do know that talking to your children about defending themselves is only half of the equation. We’ve got to train up our children not to become the sort of people who one needs to defend against.

  6. I’m up for kicking scumbag ass! I advise my kids to never hero worship celebrities. They’re like politicians–they sell their souls for fame. Why hang out with them when there’s so many other people? Power corrupts. My kids tell me everything–sometimes too much. It’s an unfair world so I tell my daughters that despite what modern culture tells them, girls can’t be men having drink ups without taking responsibility. Any time you lose control while partying you set yourself up for trouble. I don’t buy into the notion that most men are rapists after a few drinks, but some will take advantage of a girl too drunk to know what she wants because the guy’s drunk too.

    The evil people who prey on the needy will always be with us and if they have money, power or influence watch out!

    1. ‘ I advise my kids to never hero worship celebrities.’ That alone would carry them far. Plus the weekly ‘lets get totally smashed’ attitude amongst a lot of young adults – don’t get it. Never have.

      And I agree, people should learn to take responsibility for themselves first and foremost and not get drunk and expect everyone else to babysit them or cry like a baby when someone takes advantage of their self made vulnerability. But hey, that’s just me. 🙂

  7. It’s simple! We need to drown all parents at Birth… Then we wouldn’t have so much to process or zero to process as an adolescent or an adult… Blaming is not taking responsibility for the life we live… Mistakes will happen still but the veil of secreticy will not be in effect so it would emerge into the light immediately – so one could just go on … Live & learn but today the veil is SHAME… This allows the preditors to continue to roam… Like the worlds most famous Dad… Some one can shed truth & light but too ashamed to speak up…
    Shame & Secretcy Prevail!!!
    Does anyone notice how we treat the planet and ourselves… We do the most dreadful things and it goes so largely unreported and when it does have to be faced – shame & secretcy prevail … Warmly – DrZ !!!

  8. I haven’t discussed this with my children, I think 3 and 5 is too young for a frank discussion on rape and molestation, but we do try to make them aware of predators in an age appropriate way.
    We have several rules that my husband and I repeat often:

    1. Bottoms and doodles are private. You don’t touch other people’s and they don’t touch yours.
    2. Your body is just for you. No one may touch it in a way that makes you feel yucky.
    3. In this family we don’t have secrets. You must not keep secrets from Mummy and Daddy, even if someone asks you to.

    I hope that, should something ever happen, they will know that they can come to me and their father. That’s what I hope.

    When I was 8 I was raped by an intruder into our family home. If I had been able to get myself back into the house, I wouldn’t have told anyone. I was sure he would come back and punish me if I did. But I couldn’t climb the fence, so I called to Mum and it went from there. The thing is, my parents were and are wonderful, supportive and engaged. I wasn’t scared of telling them, I was scared of the ‘bad man’ who might come back.

    As parents, sometimes all we can do is our best. It may or may not be enough.

    1. ‘Bottoms and doodles’ made me laugh until I read the rest. (It’s still cute though). You more than most have reason to prepare your little ‘uns even at such a young age and I think what you have said to them is perfect.

  9. Main advice: You know yourself better than anyone.. Trust yourself. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, it is wrong. If someone’s actions make your insides feel icky, it is OK to walk away, no one will think badly of you. Trust yourself and your instincts. Stand up for yourself. TELL SOMEONE, an adult someone, who will listen. That is the hardest part, once the telling someone who can be trusted is over, the rest will fall into place.

  10. I haven’t had a conversation with my daughter about this sad truth of the world we live in, but do appreciate your “kick in the ass” reminder to get it done!
    -ValS

  11. Don’t compromise your mind or your body for anybody. Ever. You can love and be loved, and you can share your mind and body with whomever you choose, in any way that you choose. But it MUST be your choice and yours alone. You have great worth whether or not others acknowledge that.

    (Now, keep in mind that I’m the biggest hypocrite I know, because this is a lesson I’ve had to come back to again and again and again, ad nauseum.)

    1. ARREST THAT MAN!…HYPOCRITE!…Difference is, you know to keep reminding yourself. People often say that self motivation stops working because they don’t treat it like most things we have to do as humans. We eat and bathe everyday (mostly) and so too we must keep a healthy dose of self reminders and motivation going just as regularly.

      Now RELEASE THAT MAN! Fine him. Send me the money.

  12. I have three daughters, so I spend a lot of time speaking about propriety, closed doors, harassment, why the nurse stays in the room, assault, date rape, not leaving your drink unattended, not leaving your drunk girlfriends behind…I am happy to say that they come to me, although as they get older, they’re also gaining the confidence to report issues on their own.

    1. Great stuff. That drink thing appears to be so easy to forget and really needs to be drummed in. The amount of times I’ve watched girls accept opened drinks brought to them in clubs and bars by strangers is scary.

      The not leaving your girlfriend behind is paramount and I can’t believe people still do this.

  13. My main advice would be that they can talk to me about everything and that everything said by someone that scares them is something they should come to me and tell me about. Nobody has a right to scare them and hurt them and if someone attends to do it, then I am here for them to tell them that it is not right and that I will protect them.

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