Valentines? Pah!…What Is Love?

what is love?

Love means different things to different people.

It can be kind, life affirming and caring or it can be heart breaking, suffocating and used as a battering ram.

Folks say pets don’t love. Yet whatever that voo-doo that they-do, it is often sweeter, truer and more agender-free than the forced thing masquerading as love that blights so many relationships.

So many marriages where ‘love’ turns to bile-filled hate in court.
Surely real, true love never dies…or cheats? Or keeps the kids away from (a loving) dad?

Maybe we’ve all been had and it really is just a fairy tale construct invented to sell things the way diamonds and champagne were cleverly marketed.

Maybe love today is really just physical tingly bits mistaken for love, or it’s ‘you’ll do for now…until something better comes along.’

But I’m just a dumb editor.

SCHOOOOL ME!

Folks…(poignant stare at screen)… WHAT IS LOVE???!!!

 

Image:Stanley Dezignus.

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76 comments

  1. Love is a decision, an action ,not a feeling. It is what one does and not all about what one feels. It is the putting of another before myself for the betterment of them. When two come together and do this as a team it can literally be magical.

  2. The first thing I have to do is AGREE with you in every single sense of the word. Whilst the florists get rich over men who are sweating in terror if they don’t bring home the most expensive bunch of roses that have NO smell as they are genetically modified farmed, that cost the poor idiot half of his months salary, the restaurant owners cash in BIG time.

    Restaurants are filled again, with sweaty palmed men, who, GOD help them, if they don’t take ‘the woman’ ((as they refer to us when out with buddies, such is love), who are overly done up and, who look like they come from a sad reality show on some second rate TV channel, paying for a horrible dinner that was made weeks ago, which has been frozen, in anticipation of dear of VALENTINE’S day!

    How bloody marvellous! Again, out comes the credit card, the poor bastard is in more debt, as she applies another coat of disgusting lipstick that is way too red for her over dyed blonde hair.

    This is NOT love.

    Valentine was a horny man who supposedly was well endowed and chased every woman on the block. They loved his attention due to his huge d**k! To say that he had shit for brains is putting it mildly.

    So today, Valentines day is for crater faced teenagers, who get all jiggedy inside, whilst the young ladies who still have braces on, eagerly await some boy’s attention with a card, that has the words a 2 year old could write up written on it, and filled with a helium balloon, shouting BE MY VALENTINE, as he approaches her and she giggles and feels ‘loved’.

    Is this love??? To the gullible, the desperate and the lonely, perhaps, but…..

    If this is love, give me a dog, cat, horse or a hamster, or any other wonderful little animal, who, when he licks you, he REALLY just wants a cuddle. He’s not wanting you to whisper in dulcet tones ‘ooooh that feels goood’, just because he has spent the evening and the day forking out money he’s borrowed from the bank, on junk that means absolutely nothing and by tomorrow, it’ll be over, and you will more than likely fight over the fact that there’s no money in the budget tto pay the electric bill!

    Besides, by now, you have eaten the disgusting food that was defrosted, and by the time all the paint is off……….he’s probably snoring away.

    Love my ass!

  3. I once told my husband that I first knew I really loved him when I cleaned out his vomit bucket. He didn’t think that was really romantic.

    I think there are many different types of love but if we’re talking about romantic love, I think that is real and precious but it’s not easy and it’s not perfect. It’s certainly not how it was portrayed in all those Disney movies πŸ˜‰

      1. I know, I know. Maybe because it’s because I was 19 at the time. When you’re a kid you’re so used to someone looking after you, you don’t even think about it. Then you grow up and start looking after others and you realise it’s out of love, real love, that you’re prepared to do disgusting jobs. I just sound like a weirdo don’t I?

  4. It’s like this: before I was married, single and often alone on Valentine’s day, I’d be heartbroken and feeling rejected as I sat alone in my apartment on the verge of tears. Now I’m married, have kids and I often forget that it is Valentine’s Day until reminded. Lesson? The day is what importance you give it. And as for the day this year? I’m going to my writer’s group where we’re planning for next month’s conference that attracts over 350+ writers in all genres, plus agents and editors who’ll take pitches. Oh yeah, I’m going to have some chocolate with my husband and kids when I get home. The cat’ll join in too. A perfect day!

    1. Ain’t that the truth. Folks should try not to let society ‘days’ make them feel less than. i.e Xmas makes you sad if away from family, father’s day if you have no father etc.

      Good luck the group. Do these things result in actual published books?
      I’m picturing the cat sitting down in from of the TV with the remote in one paw eating chocolate now.

      1. I have a particular beef against Christmas and it’s the materialism that surrounds it, especially now that stores seem to remain open throughout the holidays. That cheapens it for me and misses the entire point…which is to actually celebrate!

        Liberty State Fiction Writers (http://www.libertystatesfictionwriters.com) is a group consisting of mainly professional writers of all genres…and I mean all! We have graphic novelists, romance writers, mystery, crime, YA, BDSM, children’s, romance, sci-fi – you name it. The goal of the the group is to keep up with the industry, offer classes on how to get your work published, how to market, tips on writing, etc. Today we had a crime novelist, Alex Segura, presenting the topic, “Writing from the real: constructing fiction from facts.” He used to be with the Miami Herald as a crime reporter. One of his books is “Silent City.”

        My sister, Gwen Jones, is also part of this group and she’s published with Avon Books. Her agent is shopping around a new suspense series and is working with an editor at another major publisher at the moment to pursue publication.

        I’m a science fiction writer who also keeps a blog going – basically reflects my interests in Astronomy and parallels/complements what I write about.

        We’ve had editors from major publishing houses too: HarperCollins, Tor/Forge, others.

        The annual conference boasts a large roster of editors and agents. Check out the website and see what you think!

        My cat keeps falling asleep over the floor vent where the heat comes out, making my office a bit chilly. I have to keep booting her off. When I turn my back, she sneaks over it again.

      2. Love it when folks get together and help themselves. And I’m sorry, I’m with the cat. πŸ™‚

        Local cat just appeared on the window sill caterwauling(!) and holding up it’s paw, poor little blighter. I didn’t notice it was limping until it was departing.
        I just found it funny, odd, sweet that it came to tell me about it’s paw.

  5. Going back to Allie P.’s ‘love..is..like the…soul’ – I think love is the glue that binds souls together. It is not a battering ram. That is abuse, though sometimes it is done and the victim is told it is love. (That is as long an explanation as I want to make.)

  6. After 35 years of marriage, I’m asked , ‘what is love?’ and I confess I’m kinda lost as to the answer. Like everyone, I know what works for me and mine but let me try though. Love starts and endures when everything becomes easy. I think that’s it; of course, I’m talking about the relationship itself. Maybe I’m confusing the sentiment with familiarity. On the other hand, if you meet someone, your soulmate if you want to cal them that, then how do you know? I think we know because it’s all so easy. Their manner, their look, they way they carry themselves; easy and not hard on the senses. Being able to approach them; easy. Asking them out or talking to them in general; easy. Initiating and having sex, a very important component of love; easy and good! It’s when things get hard and you can’t return to easy easily that love may turn to something else.

    1. You know I have always thought it should be easy. I’m not looking for drama. Some folk thrive on the drama and arguments, the make-ups, the break-ups and worse, but for me if it isn’t easy I’d think ‘what the pudding am I doing here?’
      Maybe it is a bit of familiarity thrown in. Perhaps there is just something about the right person that just feels like home.

  7. Love is a patch-work umbrella made from devotion, passion, integrity, and care. Together, one is sheltered from life’s storms. If any piece of the umbrella gives way, the individual will “get wet” and not be able to weather a relationship nearly as well. The umbrella, however, must not be thrown away if it is torn, rather, repaired with tender loving care – perhaps adding an additional reinforcement of shared history.

      1. ..it came with a lot of history and context. We are just on the other side of stage 4 cancer surgery. THese kinds of events force you to life more deeply.

  8. Love to me is very much like the concept of soul. We cannot prove that either truly exists, and yet the belief in their existence is what gives billions hope for a better tomorrow. This belief can help motivate us to be better people while at the same time help us accept others just as they are.

    In my mind, love and romance are too separate things. Romance can flavor love. It can make it sweet or sour, but it is possible to love or be loved without it.

    And yes, I know my dog loved me as much as I loved him.

  9. “Love” is “evolve” spelled backwards. Well, without the “v” and “e” of course. So, I guess that’s why love is unable to help us transcend all of our faults and foibles and failings. It’s a broken form of evolution. (I’ve no idea what the hell I’m saying.)

    1. Lol! I went with you on part of that journey to nowhere T. Luckily I started quietly tip toe-ing backwards out of the room around the “‘evolve’ spelled backwards” bit (which it clearly isn’t) – so I don’t feel cheated and I will not be asking for my money back. πŸ˜€

  10. Valentines Day seems to bring out the cynics in force, but if love means different things to different people, then they will respond to it in different ways as well. Love often means you feel exposed to the demands of someone elses personality and that’s the bit that we can all handle better. If we don’t like something, then saying so takes to context away from ‘love’ and into the realm of discussion. Seeing someone elses point of view helps us all.

    1. It sure brings ’em out! I’m certainly cynical but inquisitive and open to being swayed. I believe love exists, just not how it’s portrayed in movies and packaged for sale 3 or 4 times a year in different guises.

      As for being exposed, yes I suppose it does mean that. But I personally have my limitations. I will not allow that exposure to chip away at my personality under any circumstances. Likewise I would not expect the eccentricities or extremes of my own personality to diminish someone I love. To me, that too is love.

  11. Love is having someone who makes you a better person. Who you know sees you as beautiful, even on those days when you feel fat and your hair looks like you were caught out in a cyclone, because he loves you. Who loves your flaws just as much as your virtues. Who laughs at your jokes, and you laugh at his, even though you’ve both heard them a hundred times. Love is the man who sat beside his stepdaughter when she was in hospital with asthma, and held her hand for hours and hours. If every human being had a sea anchor like mine, the world would be a much better place. (We celebrate twenty years of marriage this September.)

    1. Now that’s nice. You give us all hope. πŸ™‚ And beautifully written might I say. I laughed conjuring up the cyclone image and the sea anchor description is what I think / hope it’s all about.

  12. Love is like coleslaw; you may not like eating cabbage, or carrots, and you may even dislike dijon mustard, or the sight of mayonnaise, but when all the ingredients come together, it makes for a delicious salad!

      1. Yikes, sorry I lost you.

        What I was trying to say is… A person who loves, loves wholesomely. They never dwell on one’s flaws. They much rather concentrate on one’s essence.

        πŸ™‚

  13. The problem with love is partly a problem with semantics: we have one word trying to do way too many jobs. The Greeks had four different words for different kinds of love, and even that doesn’t seem to cover all the bases. When I think of ‘true’ love, I think of agape – the unconquerable goodwill that says no matter what, I will always want what’s best for you.
    Incidentally, I think the term ‘true love’ originally meant a love who was faithful, or ‘true’, not some individual whom fate has decreed is the only one you can ever be truly happy with. Or even, God help us, the ‘one’ who you won’t have to work at your relationship with, it’ll all just magically happen. Because that’s a fairy-tale construct if ever there was one!

    1. ‘we have one word trying to do way too many jobs.’ interesting point D, never thought of that.

      Whilst I don’t believe in ‘the one’ either I do believe that good relationships aren’t ‘work.’ I actually believe in the magic of having someone who brings only good things to one’s life without it being like a trudge uphill in the snow on a regular basis.
      I don’t mean that you shouldn’t share and half life’s normal problems together I mean purely the relationship part.

      1. Good things generally need maintenance to keep them good πŸ™‚ But you’re right, no relationship should consist of constant hard slog.
        I guess I’m thinking more of people who think that love means never having to address your issues – because let’s be honest, we all have issues, and mashing them together with someone else’s issues doesn’t make them magically disappear. (Alas.)

    2. Your comment is wonderful! You are right, we only have one word for this massive emotion, where as practically every other language has least two. Also, love does not have a formula for perfection. It is not to our one “true love” to make everything all wonderful for us and grand for us.
      Love in itself is grimy and gut-wrenching. It peels at your core. I believe the biggest problem with love is that we hand off the responsibility for other people to “love” us when we do not know how to truly love ourselves.

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