Strength Or Weakness Is A Choice

I ain't beaten yet wop logo 3Hey y’all! In my career I’ve met a lot of achievers, both famous and not so famous and I loved collecting their stories. One thing they all had in common was an absolute blind refusal to give up when the load became too heavy.
The ability to pick oneself off the ground…(yet again!) and dust off the seat of our pants is in all of us. If you are experiencing tough times this little series of stories is for you. For some folk, who seem to have been handed it all on a plate, their stories will surprise you!


WHO? : Lisa Hoodless / Charlene Lunnon

ARE? : Best friends and survivors.

SAID? : ‘It’s not the worst thing that has happened to me.’



When British children Lisa Hoodless and Charlene Lunnon were ten years old they were kidnapped by convicted paedophille, Alan Hopkinson, tied up and held prisoner whilst being repeatedly raped in sessions lasting up to ten or more hours. The UK was gripped by their double kidnap in 2000 and their story is revisited every time something shamefully similar happens such as the story of American paedophile victim Megan Kanka or Sarah Payne in the UK.

The girls were going to school in East Sussex and their abducter had nearly hit the young Hoodless with his car. When he jumped out to check on her, it was quiet and the opportunity presented itself, so the paedophille grabbed the young girl and proceeded to cram her into his boot. Lunnon in shock and not wishing to run off and desert her friend, had stood still giving Hopkinson a double kidnap opportunity, which he took. Lying together in the boot the girls comforted each other convinced that they would be killed. It says a lot about our society that at the age of ten Lunnon already knew that there was a sexual motive behind their abduction.


Rape Sessions

The girls eventually ended up at Hopkinson’s dirty flat where they were both tied up. He would then choose one or the other to take to his bedroom and rape for lengthy periods at a time whilst the other girl could hear the crying pleas for the pervert to stop. He had told them about an imaginary mad man that lived next door with his dog and threatened to introduce them as a means to keep them frightened and compliant.


The Survival Plot

The youngsters even plotted to kill him and when he left would searched in vain for a knife, but they had all been removed as had all the door handles.


The Kill Plot

Suddenly, on the third day of captivity, Hopkinson seemed to acquiesce to their constant requests for freedom and allowed them to have their first bath, returning their school uniforms to them.

He drove them to a cliff with the intention of pushing them off and Lunnon remembers being dangled close to the cliff as he laughed. Then, unpredictably, at the last minute, he changed his mind deciding that he would like more time with them and drove them back to his flat.


The Capture

Hopkinson’s capture was as bizarre as the man himself. Following a complaint from neighbours about his behaviour towards their children, the police had knocked on his door to follow up on the story. Hopkinson, thinking that the jig was up quietly opened the door and informed the police that he had the two missing girls in his front room.


Grrr! Why YOU ain’t beat yet!


You are not beaten because very early on, following their rescue, the two young girls made a decision that they themselves would not be beaten or defined by their experience. Today they live relatively normal lives with their partners and child bereft of self pity or any unnecessary over analysis of what happened. Indeed the thing they seem to have deplored as much as the kidnap was the therapy that was forced upon both of them!

HoodlessLunnon2Children have amazingly innate coping mechanisms that I believe is underestimated by adults. Part of that mechanism is to just get on with the normal stuff. They have a great ability to normalize situations.

By having to attend counseling they were repeatedly brought back to an event that to them was behind them, why bring it back again? Indeed many NLP practitioners like myself believe that if something was so bad the first time why relive it? The young girls didn’t need an adults idea of closure or repetitive over-analysis, they needed and wanted to play with their friends and toys.

Children Can Teach

Horses for courses, but it is worth investigating if by constantly identifying oneself with a negative period or an illness or an occurrence, you are not dis-allowing yourself to simply move forward…like a child would – if allowed.

It is interesting to note also that today they feel somewhat apologetic that they are not able to satisfy other people’s needs for them to behave as victims by breaking down and sobbing every time they are asked to recall the incident. Indeed they have chosen to understand that they are much the better for it!


They are insistent that it is down to the individual to assign importance to the events in their lives. It is a choice. Lunnon gave the title quote in an interview with the Times saying in addition, “What happened, it’s not half my life, it’s not even that,” and she had clicked her fingers to emphasize how much significance she was awarding the event compared to the rest of her life, “It’s not the worst thing that has happened to me.”



Can we make a large elephant in our lives diminish to the size of a mouse by not affixing the expected (very modern poor me, me, me) drama to it, rendering it much more….‘copeful?’




73 thoughts on “Strength Or Weakness Is A Choice

  1. A really great piece – thanks for posting it. I love how you are willing to get into difficult topics and questions that are full of real darkness but bring this fearless, upright light into them.
    The whole question of the value of talk therapy is truly important ESPECIALLY with children, and I think you brought this out in a really strong, clear way. One teacher of mine once gave a great picture: why spend all your time walking around in the old house constantly pointing out and bemoaning its leaky roof, broken windows and moldy basement. Spend your days building the new house and one day you can move in and leave that old one behind.

    1. Ha ha! Brilliant! I so agree! It also gives you something to look forward to….the new house and new furniture, new accessories, new life, new options. Why scrummage around constantly in the old house looking for bad memories? Love it!

  2. Hi Ms. Editor! 🙂 While this story is very…. how should I describe it? This feeling of being shocked and angry and having this insane churning in your stomach all at the same time? This is the first time I’ve heard of this story and you can just imagine how darn glad I was to read the man got arrested.

    I love how you shortened it and went straight to the point. If possible, it made the story all the more gripping and left a heavier impression on the people who’ve read it to try and be more aware of everyone and everything if only to lessen the possibility of these horrible things happening by a small percentage.

    Sorry for the long rant. 🙂 I do agree with the girls though and they’re smart for not dwelling on their darkest experiences. It’s rather quite annoying when people tiptoe around you and keep expecting you to just break down and lose it every time something bad happens in life. They all automatically assume you’re miserable and eternally damaged and I, for one, cannot stand it.

    Anyway, I just wanted to really speak out about this because of that question you asked at the end. Plus, the issue is something we can all relate to – if not to a totally personal level – because it happens in every part of the world. I just wish for once, we could all coexist peacefully and decide as one to stop doing these hideous things to others, regardless of age.

    Cheers! 🙂

      1. Oh, you mean Ain’t No Sunshine? 😀 It’s one of my favorites. Always leaves this warm, pinching feeling in the chest, wouldn’t you agree? ❤

      1. Hello 🙂
        I happy to inform you that we are sailing on a very smooth sea water. Summer is really a good time to be out in the ocean! Thanks for asking!

      1. I do get the point you are trying to make with the idea of moving on from an incident. My point, though, is that a lot of the advice about trauma and suffering I see tends to center around the idea of the person mentally adapting to various harmful or unjust circumstances and their aftereffects. That could be useful, but it takes the focus away from actually creating a more just society and a healthier environment in the first place.

        This isn’t even to mention that adaptation doesn’t work the same for everyone. Depression, for example, is not something one can “get over”, nor are other mental disorders. Of course, that’s getting a bit off-topic, but it’s good to keep in mind that not everyone will react the same way and some people take more time to recover than others. It’s not always a hit the pavement running with the right mindset thing.

      2. I know what you saying TDD. But let’s say you were raped. You have 3 children to look after and a job to go to to pay your mortgage…a life basically. Are you suggesting that you should put your life on hold trying to get the whole world to be nice to each other? You would have time for that?

        People have been raping since biblical times and before, so whatever kind of improvements to a more just society that may be created, the fact of the matter is that humans are violent and not terribly nice. And people will still be required to manage that reality first if it touches their lives.

        Just how long do you want to wait for everyone to conform to niceness…especially if you have a life to get back to as quickly as possible?

        Do you focus on strengthening yourself first or changing society? Sure you can go on crusades to change society in the light of what happened to you – and this may probably even help your healing. But your children? Your former responsibilities?

        I don’t quite see it just as adapting to harmful and unjust circumstances I merely see it as managing a reality that is going nowhere fast.

        Mental disorders are not the same as a physical bad experience visited upon someone, although they can be the result of one, so I would agree it is a bit off topic.

        And I do agree that not everyone will react the same way, we’re all different, but yet intrinsically we are still the same. The difference in us is largely down to what we have been exposed to as we grew up. Weakness or strength (of mind) are learned traits.

        The girls represent for me a strong positive, resolution to a terrible event. Because they are human this leaves the door open for any other human to mirror their technique, – if they so choose to, because the girls have proved that it is possible. Not easy – but possible. As I said, it is a choice.

        What say you, if anything?

      3. To be sure, I’m not saying that it isn’t a good idea for people to move on, it clearly is. Then again, I’m not a psychologist, so I can’t say what is better for different people. But hey, I don’t disagree with you entirely. If people don’t want therapy or re-visitation of that situation, all the power to them.

        I suppose my main criticism here is that this tends to be all I hear about. People, in general, talk more about individuals changing their mindset in terrible situations than actually going out and solving the problems we see around us. This, in fact, seems to be the modern “wisdom” on a lot of different topics. Just adjust your attitude and see life differently.

        What I would like to see is a change towards actually fixing the environments that cause the problems in the first place.

        For example, with unplanned assault, the biological and social factors that cause crime have been researched fairly well. A great deal of violence crime is, in fact, caused partly by various genes that control chemicals (such as MAOA) in the brain that effectively lower impulse control. Psychopathy is also associated with biological differences in the brain along with a history of familial problems. There’s a great deal more that can be said about these problems, but my main point is that I sincerely believe something can be done.

        Another good point is that part of the reason it is hard for many people to have time to adjust back to normal life is the structure of the systems we live in. In my own country (The United States), mothers often have little time for maternity leave and the same is true with fathers with paternity.

        Fundamentally, then, we should be looking at creating systems that are more human-centric and less utilitarian and trying to actively solve the problems around us.

        Should we help victims of violence move on? Absolutely. And it’s great if they can do that themselves! But that shouldn’t dominate the modern discourse about these issues.

      4. Oh so you’re talking about a scientific approach to social problems? Well that could be interesting.

        Tell me, what are your ideas about maternity leave (and family time in general) and how it could be structured better?

      5. First, I’d like to apologize if I came off a bit harsh in some of my replies.

        Second, science and technology are certainly part of the larger picture, but I think that something like a paradigm shift is in order. Still, I’d like to tackle your maternity leave question first.

        In regard to maternity and paternity leave, if we are talking about them being implemented in a capitalist system, a political centrist I’ve read recently had some interesting ideas that I enjoy in a book he wrote about economics (it’s called “Naked Economics” and is a great read)

        Quoting him: “Firms that feel they have been ‘burned’ by employees who take maternity leave and then quit are more likely to discriminate against young women in the hiring process (particularly those who are already pregnant) and less likely to offer generous maternity benefits. The good news is that there is a quick and easy solution: a generous but refundable maternity package. Keep it if you come back to work, return it if you don’t. The simple policy change gives us nearly everything we want. Firms no longer have to be concerned about paying benefits to women who will not return to work. indeed, it becomes possible to offer more generous benefits without providing an incentive for workers to take the money and run. Women, in turn, do not face the same level of discrimination in the hiring process.”

        Interesting, no? Now, I’m not sure if this should be a policy initiative on the part of different governments or how it should be implemented; but it seems quite sensible to me.

        That being said, however, there is a larger problem with our socio-economic way of life. It inherently contains inequality, at least some poverty, and people who are fundamentally unhappy with how they spend years of their lives. In a time when even a minority of people is usually thousands or millions, it’s unacceptable.

        More than any other suggestion I would make, I would argue that our economic, political, and social worlds should be re-ordered to make human beings ends within themselves. We live in overlapping systems now where people are quite often perceived as means to various individual’s own self-interested ends. Artificial needs are frequently created and individuals often find themselves living isolated lives.

        So what’s the alternative?

        First, I think it’s important to get away from unequal power relationships as much as possible and encourage cooperation with one another as equals. That means that participation should be voluntary. Personal autonomy should be respected as much as possible while building a social environment that encourages community participation.

        Second, the means of production should be truly common in the sense of belonging to the community as a whole. Neither any private entity nor government should control them; otherwise we will go right back to compelled labor either by threat of force (by the state) or threat from poverty (capitalism). So, I’d argue that the ideal economic community is either libertarian socialist or libertarian communist.

        Third, community is extremely important. I see a model of community in smaller projects like the village collaborative or intentional community projects like co-housing. The social engineering that goes into these physical communities produces people who find themselves as part of something larger that makes them happier. It’s inspiring!

        The way I see science being used is complex. The biological basis for some crime is one application and, though I am not yet educated enough on the matter to speak about specific applications, I can imagine parents who use continuing scientific insights to push their children’s biology away from aggression and psychopathy before they are born.

        It could also be used for the better of the community in plenty of other ways. Creating, again, better ways of physically organizing communities is always a good idea and has surprising benefits and these can be studied with methods from the social sciences. There is also the benefit of efficiency that science can bring us. And so, it is not difficult to imagine more efficient 3-D printers, solar panels, and other technologies that can make energy and goods much easier to produce in abundance.

        And I’m surely missing a lot. But I do see science as part of a blossoming of socio-economic communities that are fundamentally different in positive ways from the majority that exist now.

      6. Oh now that’s an interesting idea! I have always seen both sides of the coin on this one. Who can blame a mother for wanting to nurture her newborn and suddenly discovering that the pull to do so has superseded her work goals? And yet for small business the constraints of having to take on board the holistic needs of a worker can be punishing. I have never really thought beyond the problem of how that might be structured.

        Personal autonomy? Well you are walking down my street here! Especially in a world where the opposite is being engineered. I understand your blog name somewhat better having read this comment. But to come full circle, (Ha ha! Remember the beginning conversation?) I still think you must start building a house with one strong brick. One has to strengthen the individuals first I believe, mentally (as in the beginning discussion) or relating to where the discussion path has taken, economically, and educationally (is that even a word! 😯 ).

        For parents to be able to use scientific technology to mould their unborn children for a more peaceful society it would take re-education unless they are given no choice.

        Another thing to consider is once you start playing with the natural order it does open the door to misuse as is the nature of the human.
        It all sounds very utopian to me and probably impractical because of the unknown (and as yet uncontrolled) entities which are the wide scope of human greed and (back to where we started ) violence.

      7. Definitely some interesting issues, and I do get the whole utopian thing a lot. And it’s true, I try to think outside of the box to try and imagine what an ideal world would be. Then again, the object is eutopia (the good society) rather than utopia (which literally means “nowhere”). I’m content with a society that is structurally better than our own, not perfect.

        In terms of the use of gene therapy, you do raise some good ethical questions. I think it is useful to think of birth as a lottery though. If that’s the case, then I don’t really see what’s wrong with giving people the choice to push their child in the right direction. I think most parents would jump at the opportunity to help ensure that their future children wouldn’t be aggressive or anti-social. Still, it’s also worth investigating how to avoid the terror of eugenics that poisoned our justice system for a period of time. I, too, can see things going wrong if genetic manipulation becomes the quest for the perfect human. I’m not convinced that’s inevitable.

        In terms of re-education, as you can probably already tell, I’m against educating forcibly educating people. And, if that is done, then the curriculum should be expanded to include different ideas rather than teach one way of life as the one true way for everyone. Still, what’s the point of a free society if basic institutions involve coercion and the promise of violence?

        Finally, speaking of greed and violence, I’ll make two points.

        The first is that our biology is complicated. Greed is not encoded in our biology so much as self-preservation, which makes good sense in every species. Humans also have the unique status of being thoroughly social creatures who exist both as individuals and as parts of groups. We should make use of that and, in fact, economists have a term for incentives not related to direct personal gain: psychic incentives.

        The second point is that our society already has a great deal of violence that is inherent in it. It just appears as natural to us because much of it is institutionalized. To illustrate that, I’ll adopt an analogy from another author, Michael Huemer, who wrote The Problem of Political Authority.

        Imagine that, in an otherwise peaceful town, there is a recent problem with vandals. You (a resident) decide one day to go out and stop this problem by grabbing, kidnapping, and taking the vandal into your basement; locking him up in a metal cage and feeding him occasionally. The next morning, you then visit your neighbors and ask them for a “justice fee” with a pistol around your hip. At first unwilling, your neighbors see the pistol on your hip and decide to give you the “justice fee” one after another. You then write the new rules you have made up for what you think would be better for everyone on a town bulletin board. In addition, since you have received complaints from the alleged vandal, you round up some of your fellow residents and force them to sit through a trial for the accused based on the rules you’ve made. The next order of business is quite a significant one. With the vandal still locked in your basement, you hear that a town next to yours is developing a new weapon and become paranoid that they may use it against you since your towns are not always friendly. You go to the town and depose the mayor by assassinating him, blowing up a few buildings in the process and killing some people by accident.

        Now, you are probably thinking that the vigilante has acted wrongly by imposing himself on everyone else; but ask yourself this: how is he different from many modern governments? Keep in mind, even if this vigilante were voted in by the majority of residents, would he not simply be an agent for tyranny of the majority?

        Government is a form of institutionalized violence. It relies on promises of violence against the population if it does not comply with them. It contains many laws that have never been voted on or have been voted on by representatives who only represent a minority of the population. It utilizes the very methods it claims to save us from: kidnapping, personal violence, etc.

        So really, we live in a culture that is already inundated with violence in a variety of ways. A society of minimal violence would produce individuals who do not need coercive laws to behave morally. That’s what I’m aiming for, and so it would be a state that is much less violent than what currently exists.

      8. Though I’m just a student I’m working on it in a lot of ways. I’m involved with some groups around campus that try to get people thinking about what a more free society would look like. I’m reading a great deal about communities that do use social architecture and have had enormous success in bringing people together.

        I am also getting involved in various efforts to combat poverty around where I live.

        The most important thing people can do is show one another that great goals can be accomplished through voluntary cooperation.

        Sure, I can’t do much about violent crime right now. Then again, I’m still doing a lot of research. Still, I’m doing as much as I can right now and trying to really get involved with various projects.

  3. My oldest child was abused by his father. The abuse was horrific! I was told that I should just medicate him and get him through childhood by a leading psychiatrist in the state of utah.
    I refused to accept his diagnosis, and refused all medication.
    I chose instead to teach my son that he had a choice whether or not to be a victim or a survivor. I am proud to say that he recently graduated from High school with honors and recieved three very substantial scholarships to attend college.
    he has dreams, and a bright future.
    He is healthy because we refused to treat him like a pathetic victim.
    I love NLP by the way, that is the form of therapy I chose for my son, and it is amazing. I would recommed it whole heartedly to any abuse victim.
    God Bless you for raising this issue today!

  4. While giving due respect to each person’s right to choose the healing process that’s best, I agree that therapy forces one to continually go back to something painful. Yes, this is helpful initially when there’s denial, I’ve watched my sister, now “celebrating” (her word) her 16th year in therapy, become angrier and more dissatisfied than ever with her life and the people in it. I believe she’s actually dependent on her sessions to an unhealthy extent. She has told me that she’s not really sure if therapy is even helping her– so why continue doing it, I’d like to know? Again, various forms of therapy can be extremely helpful– used in the right way for the right amount of time– so I’m not saying therapy is bad. I’m simply saying that as individuals, it’s our responsibility to make choices that will benefit us. Kudos to these two girls for refusing to let this horrific thing ruin their lives! That’s the power of choice!

    1. Really interesting Lindy. Another commenter pointed out out how there seemed to be a mutual need between therapists and their patients – what a prime example! FGS16 years!!

      Isn’t that a bit like drinking cough medicine, continuing to cough and yet not seeking a different remedy for decades? Wowsa.

  5. I used to wonder why people couldn’t just pick themselves up by their boot straps and move on once the mourning for whatever it was happened. I now believe there are people who just can’t. But, I also believe the people who can and do – will find their lives transformed. “Oh poor me” or “why me” doesn’t get you anything but a lifetime of black clouds. And if anyone deserved to say “poor me” – it’s people who have been through things like this. To see them move on from something this friggin’ awful means we all should work hard to do the same in every day life.

    1. Yes, I suppose we all start at different points in the race so one person recovering quickly doesn’t mean that we all would. However, I do believe that given the right tools and encouragement it does become choice.

      Now…what’s my cat been up to…oh, didn’t you know? Scooter’s MY cat now!!! 🙂

  6. Brilliant brilliant story! uplifting and positive. Why do I say that? Because these girls knew that if they gave up, they would die. I speak from experience. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and if, with every horrible, cruel blow you learn wisdom, instead of self pity, you are made for life. Not necessarily a life of riches, because when it comes to the cruelties that get put upon some people, riches are the last thing that matter, rather you lead a life of enormous gratitude which breeds happiness.

    Therapy is the last thing that anyone needs!! God knows you can only open the coffin so many times and view the dead body, before you start to puke. There is no reason to re-visit horrific incidences in therapy.

    Overcoming adversity with a courageous heart is the single biggest achievement anyone can attain.

      1. I agree wholeheartedly in horses for courses…..So perhaps my ‘summation’ of a victim of abuse is a bit harsh 🙂 I mean seriously, who knows he who knows knows? 🙂

  7. What a story – and what amazing women to have turned the proverbial page and got on with their lives. I agree with much of what has been said in the comments above and admire their moxie and courage to face down the elephant rather than be crushed by it. The response to enforced therapy and refusal to wallow in victim-hood is fascinating, and there is a good lesson to be learned from it. Particularly with regards to children. A child grows to fit the mold you create for them. Treat a child like a victim, continually reinforce this concept, and that is what they will grow into. Come to think of it, that holds true for adults as well.

    1. Have to say I totally believe this Mother Hen. We are the product of our surroundings so one can hang out with strong resilient people or choose to hang out with victim enablers. For most ‘free’ adults I believe it’s a choice.

  8. If someone swings an axe at you, you might lose a few fingers, or you might lose an arm. The folly is in insisting that there is only one appropriate treatment for axe victims, regardless of what damage has been done.
    Attitude can make an enormous difference to how things affect us. But it it isn’t everything, and I don’t think we can blame someone if they can’t just brush trauma off and get on with things.
    Still, good on these two for refusing to let this experience control and define them. A laudable example!

  9. This was such an immensely interesting read. It touched on a few things that I have considered in my life, predominantly the idea of how we can measure someone else’s pain, compared to others? I have been through hardship, including my dad’s slow death at when I was 15, depression, two eating disorders, and a long struggle with Anxiety. Other ‘friends’/acquaintances haven’t lost loved ones, or suffered from mental illnesses, but are so quick to declare that they have a tough life. Within my own family, my perspective is that I have healed the most from my dad’s death, I moved on a lot quicker than others. Much like these strong ladies, after it happened, all I could do was accept it and move forward. My brother and sister on the other hand have let it be a never-healing wound. It has been five years since my father passed, and they still carry it around as though it happened yesterday. In most instances they are very quick to use my dads passing as an excuse to get up for work, lose weight and even to be nice. As though because this happened(and additional things each of them went through) life owes them something. Like a sort of reward. So when ANYTHING bad happens, they are very quick to sit down and yell “Why me? After everything I have been through? When will I get a break?”. But in my view, life is not like that. We cannot always control what happens to us, but we always, always ALWAYS have the power to control a) how we act/react b)how we move on from it. In saying all of this though, I have been able to move on from my dad’s death, and accept it. But struggle every now and then to dismiss Anxiety, to shoo it away and see it as just another thing to move on from. It is easy to become your grief, your disease, your anxiety, your rape. But I think it is just as easy to become your gratitude, your future, your ‘real’ self. I think we all have the power to do call out the big elephant in the room, we just don’t know how to. Because you are right, there appears to be a more modern behavior to forever be the victim and talk about our problem, rather than becoming the survivor and grow from our problem.

    1. I definitely agree, but don’t forget that anxiety which often comes hand in hand with other mental issues like depression is rather less of a choice. You couldn’t decide to dismiss a broken leg any more than you can decide to dismiss some mental issues.
      Your why me point is also interesting. I remember someone writing book titled ‘Why NOT Me?’ (Sammy Davis Jr?) which flipped that whole self pity thing on it’s head somewhat.

      Thanks for that S&F. A very interesting read.

  10. Firstly, what an amazing story from these girls. As i read this story, I thought about my own young children and anything like this ever happened to them how would I handle it. My family is very much a ‘pick yourself up and deal with it’ type of family and I would HOPE, with whatever help we needed, that eventually this one (and horrific event) would not determine their entire life. I love their attitude.

    1. So true, that it is one thing to read it and another to really put yourself in their situation and imagine how you would deal with it.
      I’m with you on this one. But there but by the grace of God and all that.

  11. I hesitate to comment on such a volatile subject but I will make note of one thing I have observed in eighty plus years of living. There are a couple of types of people, one of which wants to wallow in self pity and will milk any situation for every drop of sympathy and pity that they can get out of it. Then, there is the other group that wants to get on with life and live it too the fullest and get the most rewards from it. This second group is made up of the people who tend to view tragedy a a lesson learned that will make them better prepared to handle future situations. Unfortunately, most therapist/counselors want everybody to be in the first group and try to put them there because that is where their money comes from.

  12. Wow what a story…

    In answer to your question..
    I think it would help by not making such a big thing out of it.
    You should talk about things but by talking too much (rather than putting it behind you) you could make things worse. Not every individual is the same so the reaction to things happening in their lives isn’t the same. I think you should have the right to stop treatment if you think it’s enough and you are able to go on with youre live without constantly being reminded of something you want to put behind you.

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