50 thoughts on “What Happens In This Vid May Shock You…Unfortunately It May Not.

  1. Well I was shocked. A, because when you hear sreams like that you have to do something to stop the violence, even if that means taking some of the heat yourself until the cops come (in the case of the drumming we saw two neighbours together at the door, so there) and B, you have to be totally blind to the facts regarding the prevalence of (domestic especially) violence against women to treat something like that as just a “fight”. Please, let’s not forget Kitty Genovese http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Kitty_Genovese

    1. Fascinating story. I had not heard of it. Sometimes you are not sure of what you heard and wait for some kind of confirmation. If there is none you turn the TV back up and get on with your life. I suspect that is what happened to most of the so called 38.
      It’s not quite the same of course as the example in the video where the ‘fight’ was made very obvious.

  2. Sorry, one of my many typos in my last comment above was stop/ spot … it should have read:

    1. learning and teaching others about how to SPOT a psychopath (a hugely important life skill!!!!!)

    The reason why spotting a psychopath is so important is because you cannot stop them πŸ˜‰

  3. So infuriating!

    I once was in an apartment and thought the man above me moved his furniture frequently. Once I figured out it was his girlfriend hitting the floor (who rarely cried out), I called the cops. This video brings me right back to that sickening feeling I had back then. Just terrible.

  4. Well, I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s (a) an unfair comparison and (b) a vastly over-simplistic and manipulative video.

    The experiment just tells us that people are less afraid of confronting a groovy drummer (who everyone will correctly guess is a harmless student-type) than a potentially violent couple who have already worked themselves up into a violent rage.

    Is that really so shocking/ appalling?

    It’s obvious the arguing couple have already crossed the line from reasonable to unreasonable because they are shouting/ smashing things/ each other. So knocking on the door and making a reasonable request will probably be futile, and may just escalate the situation. When you try to interfere between two people who *know each other* they will often suddenly join forces and turn on you for interfering – especially if they are a couple (or an ex-couple!).

    Also in the second scenario it’s not clear what is actually going on. Nobody can tell what the argument is about. Did she cheat on him?…. steal his money?…. find out he was having an affair and confront him? Who is at fault here? The man… the woman.. both? It could be any one of a million scenarios.

    Practically speaking there is no way to help resolve the dispute without knowing the background, and in arguments like that you will almost certainly be told conflicting stories from each side….. so the ONLY real option you have is to tell them to stop fighting and to essentially threaten them with forceful intervention if they do not chill the F out. In other words the only option in a situation like that is to act like a policeman.

    Are we really going to blame the residents for not being prepared to act like policemen and put their lives on the line just to help resolve a dispute between two strangers? (who might both be complete assholes for all we know).

    Somebody should have called the cops, for sure. Absolutely! But to not want to approach the house and risk getting caught up in it is totally understandable.

    Maybe someone DID call the cops and maybe they did show up eventually (the video does not make it clear).

    What’s interesting is that the assumption is that the woman is the innocent victim and the man is the guilty party. How do we know this? Maybe they are just two equally out of control violent people. Maybe she is more aggressive than him, or maybe she did something terrible which provoked his anger.

    If we are going to avoid BEING COMPLETELY SEXIST we must not take her side over his just because she is a woman.

    Let’s not forget, the numbers of male and female victims of domestic abuse are about equal (at least in the ‘west’, not so sure about SA which is a bit of a ‘unique’ place when it comes to violence and social dysfunction).

    So here’s where it gets really interesting……… what if the scenario was TWO GUYS arguing and smashing things (or each other)?

    I bet if two guys were arguing there would be virtually no outrage that nobody was willing to get involved. I bet nobody would particularly care if two men beat each other up. Notice how I said “beat each other up”…. because we are socialised to not even consider that one of the men might be an innocent victim and one might be the villain. If a fight involves two men most people don’t assume one of the men is vulnerable and in need of help. When a man is assaulted we think “Oh well he probably did something to deserve it”.

    And studies show that if a woman hits a man in public we tend to assume the MAN did something to deserve it…. but if a man hits a woman in public we don’t assume she did something to deserve it. Such double standards!

    The fact is people only feel uncomfortable and outraged watching this video because one of those voices is FEMALE. And they ASSUME she must be the innocent party even without any information. And so when you think about it, that actually proves that society VALUES WOMEN FAR MORE THAN MEN, and society cares about women’s safety far more than men.

    Statistically men are FAR MORE at risk of violent assault in public than women. And as I already said, domestic abuse is split about 50/50 between men and women. Yet virtually no resources are directed towards protecting men, or helping male victims specifically.

    And so the general feeling in society of women being the downtrodden victims of society is simply not true – women are far more protected from violence than men are. And violence against women is condemned far more by society (and by the courts) than violence against men.

    The video is manipulative, vastly over-simplistic and it reinforces sexist double standards.

    1. Wowsa! Okay where to start? Thanks for your long and thoughtful contribution SFD, very much appreciated.
      I don’t think it should be a matter of the woman being innocent or not. It is irrelevant. The fact is, if a man and a female are going at it, in the MAJORITY of cases the man will have the advantage of strength and size over the woman.

      I personally would feel uncomfortable watching the video if a woman’s voice was heard because of the reason stated above. MOST men are stronger than women physically and it therefore is not an even fight. On the same hand I do not agree with women who believe that they can slap a man with no return. You don’t want to get slugged keep your damn hands to yourself.

      It isn’t for a neighbour to be the judge of who is right to wrong or even get involved other than at least to call the police. And you are right in that we don’t know if that occurred. But it IS just an ad making a point about domestic violence against WOMEN and people’s reluctance to get involved or people becoming deaf to women’s screams for help. I would query your figures about men and womens’ stats being practically equal and would be interested as to where you got them from and for which country?

      I totally agree with the scenario where someone intervenes only to have both the male AND the female turn against the helper. (Women can be a strange breed.)

      I also don’t think that just because men can be violently assaulted that they should not make a video that concentrates on the attacks made on women. That happens to be their area of interest. Let someone who is interested in attacks on males make their own video.

      1. “..I don’t think it should be a matter of the woman being innocent or not….”

        Well, the point of the video seemed to be that nobody was prepared to intervene in person (unlike the drummer scenario). But I think it’s fair to say that intervening in an already heated and seemingly violent confrontation brings certain risks to the person intervening….. and with no guarantee the intervention will even achieve any good.

        (We both seem to agree that calling the police is the best option)

        So in light of this I think it DOES matter whether the fight is a clear case of injustice / victimisation (one is guilty, the other is innocent), or if it is just two equally dysfunctional, psychos laying into each other (both as guilty).

        Like I said, if it was two MEN having a heated dispute people would not automatically judge it based on the safety concerns of one of the men. I mean, they would not automatically assume one of the men is the victim and one is the villain – they’re more likely to assume BOTH are villains to some extent who have brought it onto themselves. In other words people care about men’s safety A LOT LESS while also demanding men have A LOT MORE responsibility for the situations they get themselves into.

        But as soon as a women is involved most people assume she has LITTEL TO NO RESPONSIBILITY for getting into that situation, they assume she must be THE INNOCENT PARTY, they care far more about her safety than if she was a man, and they consider it THEIR MORAL obligation to put themselves in danger to rescue her (which they would not if it was a man).

        Therefore the shocking thing about the video is that people seem to be treating the woman he same way they would if she was a man. And in a country as violent and dysfunctional as SA that seems to fit with the prevailing attitude of “This is a dangerous place – so it’s mostly up to you to keep yourself out of danger”. (I’m oversimplifying but that’s the basic vibe I get, compared to in Europe or the US).

        It’s a sad fact that damaged and ‘dysfunctional’ people often hook up with equally damaged ‘dysfunctional’ people and spend their entire lives arguing, fighting and even beating each other up. I don’t think it is necessarily anybody’s *duty* to attempt to intervene in person and put their own safety/ lives at risk (and potentially risk making the situation worse).

        Like I said there really isn’t enough information to asses the situation properly – and this is often the case in the real world. I’m not saying people should ignore domestic violence happening on their doorstep, I’m just saying that simply knocking on the front door and hoping you can play the ‘hero’ in the situation is misguided and potentially dangerous. The way for ordinary people to protect themselves and each other from domestic violence is through preventative measures. This would include

        1. learning and teaching others about how to stop a psychopath (a hugely important life skill!!!!!)
        2. establishing active local communities BEFORE incidents like this occur. A ‘community’ is not simply created by building a big fence around a bunch of houses. If the neighbours all knew the people in house in question they would know how to respond to the situation.
        3. providing shelters, and other procedures, to help victims (male and female) get to a place of safety quick – if they feel they are in imminent danger.

        Just minding your own business until you hear screams and shouts from across the street is leaving it too late.

        “..The fact is, if a man and a female are going at it, in the MAJORITY of cases the man will have the advantage of strength and size over the woman…”

        (Going out on a limb again… ) I think this is vastly oversimplifying the issue. Muscle mass is one thing, but strength is hugely dependent on the state of mind of the individual (ie how aggressive or desperate they are in the moment). The psychological/ emotional component is AT LEAST as important as the muscle mass (I would say more important).

        Also the very fact that we are trained as a society to regard women as vulnerable and men as dangerous simply because of their differing muscle mass actually cancels out any unfair advantage (unfair power) that men’s superior muscle mass supposedly gives them. I’ll try and explain why….

        Superior muscle mass only counts as an advantage to men IF they are willing to exert physical power over women (ie beat them up). So if the man is the guilty party, and the woman is an innocent victim (or an equally guilty party) then, sure, man’s strength will indeed work to his advantage.

        BUT…. if the woman is the aggressor and the man is the innocent victim (and this is far more common than people imagine) then a man’s superior strength can just as easily work to HER advantage and his DIS-advantage. Even if the aggressive woman is genuinely threatening his safety or even his life with a frying pan or kitchen knife the average man will have a natural and extremely strong compulsion to NOT use his physical strength on the woman to protect himself and neutralise the threat. In simple terms, most men will take repeated blows on the head from a frying pan rather than hit a woman to stop the attack. Men are conditioned that they can take it, and that they MUST take it if it is being dealt by a woman – because to fight back against a woman is ‘unfair’ (and ‘unmanly’).

        In addition, if the man DOES properly defend himself from a violent attack he risks injuring the woman. This is entirely justified (self defence). HOWEVER, all the woman then has to do is call the police and claim HE attacked HER (and she has the physical injury to prove it) and he will probably be judged the aggressor, and convicted of assault and his life will be UTTERLY RUINED FOREVER.

        A court will always tend to side with the woman’s story, especially if she has an injury which supports that story. The kind of woman who would attack a man in the first place is also going to be the kind of woman prepared to lie in court and turn on the tears to gain and play the ‘poor fragile victim’ sympathy.

        The man will then end up with a conviction for beating up his wife and any man convicted of beating up a woman is usually ostracised by men AND women. If he is sent to jail he will also lose his job, and probably be beaten and raped for years. And if he has children he will be denied access. And all for simply defending himself properly (and justifiably) against being hit on the head with a frying pan.

        This very real scenario is what prevents most men from defending themselves properly from their abusive violent wives/ girlfriends……. and it also keeps many men from ever speaking out against the violence and abuse they endure. The moment they speak out or try to get a divorce they know the wife will claim HE abuses HER (and perhaps their children too) and she will use the tactics listed above… and if she does that man can kiss his future goodbye. It’s better for him to simply endure her abuse.

        In fact often in acrimonious divorces the wife will simply claim he was violent (with zero evidence) and use that as grounds for the divorce and to deny him access to the children after the divorce. She can then take him to the cleaners while poisoning the children’s minds against him (telling them how he used to hit them when they were young, even if they can’t remember it). This is suuuuuch a common scenario and men really have no protection from this kind of ‘psycho bitch’ (to use the correct scientific term!)

        And it’s all made possible by the assumption that men’s superior muscle mass makes them more dangerous than women, and more likely to be guilty by virtue of this fact.

      1. np! I think what makes it more disturbing is that it was an experiment and for many nights with the drums there were multiple people who came to ask him to lower the music but when they hear violence they do nothing about it. Where has humanity gone in our societies :/

  5. Unfortunately . . . this happens worldwide . . . has happened for centuries . . . and will continue to happen . . . until . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

  6. does that mean when a cry for help is being made no one bothers just because it doesn’t involve them but when playing music they are concerned?
    Its a weired world.

  7. It’s one of those posts where you don’t really want to press like because the message is true but SO sad. I see it’s another reflection of a South African complex, much like the one where Oscar Pistorius shot his girlfriend. Sorry, I meant to say allegedly.

  8. O. M. G. (hate that acronym -but it just pretty much sums it all up here.) This is so not surprising. And that is so very sad.

    1. I remember hearing years ago that woman have to yell ‘fire!’ as opposed to ‘rape!’ to get attention when being attacked to elicit interest from strangers. Not much has changed it seems. I don’t think this would happen everywhere all the time though.

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