This Lady Thinks Women Should Be Submissive To Their Men. Agree?

drkimesThis Dr Heavenly Kimes. She appears on a show called ‘Married To Medicine’ and she has strong ideas of what makes a good marriage. Here are her top 10 matrimonial tips:

 

1.  Have a hot meal ready for your man when he gets home from work. Let’s face it, I’m a busy woman, and I don’t always have time to cook. But if I don’t think I’ll have the time that night, I’ll have my cook prepare something, or I will pick something up.

2. Don’t be a prude in the bedroom. Of course, I am not encouraging you to go out and have a threesome, BUT keep an open mind to the new things that your husband wants to try. Don’t be so quick to say “no.” Take pleasure in pleasing your man. And please try not to ever go to sleep angry.

3. Don’t be a nag. You don’t always have to have response. As women, we like to give our opinions, often times, unwarranted. It’s OK to not have a comment. Pick and choose your battles if it’s not that important…let it go!  Your husband does not want to hear your opinion 24/7, especially when using a loud, high-pitched tone (that some of us like to use).

4. Show him your appreciation. You can catch more bees with honey than you can with vinegar. Be kind, and polite to your husband, and he will reciprocate. Show him that you are thankful for all that he does. Make your words soft and sweet. You won’t be disappointed with the results you’ll get.

5. Follow his lead. You married your husband for a reason, right? Hopefully you trust him enough to make the important decisions in your household. Again, don’t go with things that are immoral, or wrong, but definitely always remember to make him feel like he wears the pants.

6. Your career does NOT come first. I have a super busy schedule, especially now that I am a cast member on Bravo’s “Married to Medicine.” However, when I get home from work, I turn my phone off. I am there to get my kids off the bus. Family time is very important to me. I cherish those moments.

7. Look sexy for him. It is so important to look good for your man. Know what your man likes, and what he thinks is attractive. I realized recently that this is MOST important! Try to keep yourself in shape and put together.

8. Let him know it’s OK for him to be stressed. Because he is the man and is expected to take on a lot of things and it can sometimes get stressful for him. Men aren’t always good at expressing themselves when they are stressed or depressed. Let him know that it’s OK to feel that way, and make yourself emotionally available.

9. Marry someone you genuinely admire and find east to respect. When you admire the man you chose to marry, it doesn’t feel like a chore when you’re accommodating him. It will be something you want to do. You’ll want to give him the respect he deserves.

10. Get a support system. Surround yourself with people who are like you, or people who support your lifestyle. There is nothing worse than a friend who doesn’t agree with your lifestyle trying to give you advice. There is nothing wrong with being a submissive wife, and your closest friends should be people who aren’t judging you for it!

 

Question:

I’m really inquisitive on this one. What’s the general consensus? What say you?
Are we saying ‘Get a life sister?’ Or ‘Amen sister?’

245 thoughts on “This Lady Thinks Women Should Be Submissive To Their Men. Agree?”

  1. I think most of it (for me anyhow) is spot on. Nagging is, in fact, disrespectful. Neither one of us puts our jobs before marriage/family (although I am a stay at home mom, so don’t know if that counts 🙂 ). I used to have an archaic version of submission I tried to attain. I since, after prayer and study, realized marriage is a give and take. Finding that sweet spot is the key. I like what Mark Gungor said about submission. Basically, whoever is the “expert” at whatever issue is at hand, ought to be “leading”. I typically do all the budget stuff – for whatever reason, I’m certainly not any better. Then I show my husband what I wrote up; he agrees (or disagrees) – budget is done we move on. He takes care of all the “guy jobs”. We do always check in with each other before agreeing to anything. We live up to a lot of those “gender specific roles” – which works for us. However, I just started school. Those roles are being challenged; we’re reevaluating who does what. I normally cook, because well – I’m better at it (and I’m home so it works out). There have been plenty of times my husband has either cooked dinner or gotten something on his way home. I will have to say, though, that since I’m the main shopper in the house, it is important to consider what my husband would like to eat for snacks & lunches.

    1. It’s just all common sense really isn’t it? I guess the Dr’s way works for her and your works for you and it is important to BOTH feel around and adjust where necessary to changing circumstances.

  2. Oh Dr Heavenly you lost me on the first point. Please explain why, if you work and he works, you’re the one who has to prepare the meal? My partner would always be willing to cook if I didn’t want to. The fact that he’s a carnivore and I’m a vegetarian makes it tricky, since he only knows how to cook steak and peas, but he’s worked his way up to cheese on toast in the microwave. And that, Dr Heavenly, is the reason I normally cook. Nothing to do with gender. Everything to do with ability.

  3. Get a life sister! “Have a hot meal ready for your man when he gets home from work”, um… hello, we women work too, why is dinner always our responsibility?

  4. Re the ‘Biblical’ view – I’m pretty sure the Bible doesn’t command women to be sexy.
    And yes, it does say wives submit to your husbands, but the verse before that says ‘submit to each other’ – there isn’t a pecking order here. In fact, pecking is right out, unless it’s a peck on the cheek!

    Submission (in my opinion) is about valuing the other person’s opinion and input, instead of ‘I’m going to do it my way so screw you’. Neither selfish independence nor babyish dependence, but interdependence and mutual respect.

    Submission is not about devoting your whole life to being another person’s support structure. Not that it isn’t good to be a supportive spouse, but that should cut both ways, not (as Dr Kimes suggests) she supports him and gets likeminded friends to support her.

    But I’d say she’s absolutely right about marrying someone you can both love and respect.

  5. Some of this seems manipulative and semi-creepy by the way it is worded. I think this could have been much more effective and less off-putting with a different tone. I agree with much of it; however, that #1 had me so flabbergasted, I couldn’t really pay attention after that. Why didn’t I think of calling my chef to prepare something when I am too busy?

  7. What if the wife is the bread winner? What if their are two wives? This is worn out thinking and worn out advice. Relationships are give and take. They require work on both sides, regardless of gender. If it works for her and she’s happy ‘role playing’ then good for her, but, without a doubt I’m saying, ” Get a life sister.”

  8. I think that all these points are how it should be in a perfect world. However we fall short in having this perfect world. Important is what to do to create this perfect situation, that is the every day challenge!

    1. Very true Lucinda. Thing is I have heard of women who live like this then find that their not so perfect and all too human ‘Leader’ is a philanderer…a doggone cheater! It must be even harder to deal with when you have built your whole life around this ‘Leader’ and he crumbles your safety net and foundation for cheap sex.

      None of us are perfect and to give someone that kind of authority over your life one would expect him to almost to be beyond reproach with oodles of integrity. Instead actually he is just human.
      Therefore as fallible humans perhaps we should just start by treating each other equally and with respect.

  12. My question would be “Is that broad for real . . . or just putting on a show (for her reality show ratings perhaps?) REALITY ??? Really?!

    While her name may be Heavenly, her ideas are too one-sided for that descriptive. Now if she applied most of that . . . xxxx . . . oops . . . stuff . . . to real life, it would only be acceptable if it pertained to both parties in the deal.

    With equality and respect in a relationship, most everything else works well along the trip.

    But hey, I’m older and may be approaching senility (perhaps I should consult DR. H?). So I’m not sure how to answer . . . let me consult my cook for advice. Dang, that won’t work. My cook is my partner.

  13. I’m generally fine with whatever works for a particular couple’s marriage (who are we to judge what’s right for someone else?). My only caveat: there absolute must be reciprocity.

  14. I’m intrigued. Has this doctor also written ten rules on how men should please the women in their lives? Do they have to have a hot meal waiting for us, if we’re late home?

  15. I agree with EarlMarch. Submissiveness is not a virtue. It is a patriarchal attitude that needs to be eliminated. You might guess then that I don’t agree with just about everything this Dr. Heavenly advocates.

  16. I agree with some of them, namely, numbers 3, 4, 5, 8, and 9. The others, I sort of raised my eyebrows at. Honestly, when you posted this link, I was expecting something ignorant based on the title. But she expressed her opinion well.

    That being said, the article is exactly that, her opinion. Not every marriage and relationship is exactly the same as the next one, and some of those things won’t work in some relationships. I believe firmly that numbers 3, 4, 8, and 9 should definitely work both ways. Respect in a relationship should be mutual, and it isn’t solely up to the woman to make sure this happens. Number 5 is something that I’ve always believed in, but I do also believe that the actual decision making process is something both partners need to be involved in, especially if the decision itself affects both partners.

  17. Erm…. Get a life sister!! Each to their own I say, whatever works for you in your marriage but please don’t preach to us…that is what I think. What works for her, doesn’t work for everyone! We’re not in the 1950’s anymore!! Get real.

  18. “Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.”

    Don’t be a fake and all of what the good (lady) doctor wrote will fall right into place. And what falls into place for one couple may not agree with what works for you. So forget about trying to write some standard that we all should live by.

  19. I agree completely with Amy Peppermintsea (what a great name!). All of it works both ways.

    “Take it easy. Life – it’s like playing table tennis, if you hit the ball to me very hard, you won’t get the ball back. So, I hope that you understand and know what to do…”

  20. “What makes a woman irresistible? And why do some women have more of “it” than others? The secret is NOT that she’s beautiful and/or slender, because looks have absolutely nothing to do with it. A woman who is irresistible is one who dares to reveal her true self as a woman. She knows her body and what makes it feel good. She’s a sex goddess because she believes herself to be one.”
    -RN
    When two people are happy in their sex life all else is, and I mean EVERYTHING else, is bullshit.

  21. I believe it’s important for women to consider their husband’s needs to but NOT to neglect their own. Marriage is a TWO WAY STREET that requires 100 percent giving on BOTH partners. There are times we need to put our jobs first or our needs first but there are some women who think it’s “all about them” and some men who also think that and that is NOT balance.

  22. Is that for real?! As a newly married woman, I read it with interest, just in case there was something I needed to brush up on. My comment would be that it is partly sensible stuff – for BOTH sexes in the relationship! I work longer hours than my husband, I like a meal cooked for *me* every once in a while. And sure, you should try to be attractive to your partner, but that works both ways! The only one that doesn’t really translate for both partners is the “follow his lead” wtf?! This is 2014, we discuss everything and then I tell him what we’re doing! 🙂 (Sorry… and then we come to an agreement of course!).

  23. “The problem with marriage is it ends every night after making love, and has to be rebuilt each morning before breakfast.”
    -Gabriel Garcia Marquez

  25. ~~ My ideal companion ~~
    We love to laugh and play together.
    We treat each other with kindness and patience.
    We enjoy talking to each other – sharing our ideas, hopes, dreams and goals.
    We love to “hang out”, dine, travel, play and spend time together because we enjoy each others company.
    We have many friends and enjoy their company but we’d always rather be with each other than anyone else.
    We support each other mentally and emotionally.
    We build each other’s self-esteem.
    We satisfy each others emotional and physical needs.
    We make unselfish contributions to our relationship by sharing responsibilities and work.
    We give a soft shoulder and a listening ear to each other when outside pressures are causing stress.
    We are accepting of each other knowing that we each have our own unique strengths and weaknesses.
    We focus on our mates admirable qualities.
    We never retaliate, “get even”, or keep records of wrongs.
    We unwittingly make mistakes at times but we keep our relationship healthy by acknowledging this and saying “I’m Sorry”.
    We trust and protect each other.
    We never take each other for granted.
    We laugh a lot together.
    We are each others greatest fans and best friends.
    We focus on building and strengthening our friendship.
    We make each other feel special.
    We go out of our way to please each other.
    We are honest with each other; we only speak the truth; we have no need to lie, “color the story” or “sugar coat it” because we are accepting and trusting of each other for who we are.
    We trust each other enough to be open, transparent and vulnerable.
    We feel secure in each others love.
    We love to romance each other. We love to snuggle, caress and touch. We touch and hold each other a lot; when we’re apart we look forward to being back in each others arms.
    We have no reservations, limitations or inhibitions about expressing our love to each other verbally or physically.
    We love to kiss – My lover is a great kisser!!
    We are great lovers and have a passion for love and sex.
    We enjoy great satisfying lovemaking.
    We know what each other likes and enjoy giving that pleasure.
    ~~~

    As a man, I firmly believe…who cares who is submissive and who is not. One should be and the other should not be. It is not a female male thing. Live by that description of my ideal companion and you will be happy together. That is all that matters. What others think does not matter. I wrote that some time ago for some dating site profile I needed to fill out.

  28. I think they should submit to each other. If we take it back to the biblical point, husbands loves your wives as Christ loved the church and died for her… Who would have difficulty submitting to that? As with anything, ideals are hard to live 24/7 and I suck at relationships, so what do I know?
    Diana xo

  29. I really think people need to realize that there is a different type of “submission”. Submission does not necessarily doing what somebody else wants you to do, and you automatically hate it or are being forced. This type of submission is different. This is called love and respect. For instance, I myself am a self -proclaimed femi-nazi and will be damned if somebody else tells me what to do, even my man (whom I love so much I can’t even describe). BUT! I love him so much that it brings me nothing but pleasure to see him happy and to ‘serve’ his needs, because it makes me feel good! Further, these are things you should WANT to do for the person you are spending your life with. And vice versa.
    However, if a man, husband, (or wife) is disrespectful and expects you to be their mental and physical slave, then that would be the other side of this “submission”. Obviously this is the bad side that society unfortunately relates to so well.
    Just like anything else, grey area prevails!

  30. Not many people have the backbone to post such truth in today’s world. This is not only a fantastic post with lots of truths, it is the Biblical stance for the woman in the home. Thank you for a refreshing look at the home life.

  31. The line where she suggests a woman marries a specific man for a reason and if you respect that man, it’s not a chore to accommodate him and I think that is spot on. For me, I do value men doing “men’s work” (taking care of the house, making decisions, taking care of me, etc.) and I value me having the opportunity to be feminine and not worry myself with the burden of making big decisions alone, being expected to do everything on my own, etc. But, it’s just that – an opportunity. Right now, I pay all my bills, work a full time job, clean my own car, change my own oil. I’m in a relationship, but I certainly don’t need anyone. Needing and wanting are two different things though. Do I want this type of marriage? Someday. Am I going to change who I am? No, but my plan is to marry someone who is going to be able to take care of me and respect me and in turn, I get to respect him and be a helpmate.

    This lifestyle is not practiced as often as it once was… divorce is always on the rise. Coincidence? I don’t know, I’m not in those marriages. I see *a lot* of my women friends who “wear the pants” in their relationships – it works for some people and I’m not going to tell them that is wrong. But, from my own experience, I don’t like being aggressive in a relationship. I’m aggressive enough on my own 😀

    I think Dr. Kimes has shared some great advice and like one that posted earlier, it has worked for her marriage. I think the difference between the submissive wives of the 50s and the submissive wives of today is that we have the ability to still be independent and strong and have created a better partnership instead of our men automatically expecting us to be barefoot and pregnant. We are in a new wave of chosen submissiveness.

    Great discussion starter!!

  34. She is not telling us to be submissive. She is telling us to get smart and she is tipping women off. Men are very simple creatures compared to us. They need few things to be happy: the food, some action in the bedroom, to be comforted when they need and the impression to be in control and to wear the pants. The impression is essential. They need it to feel their masculinity although we make all the decisions eventually.
    I love no. 3 and it should be followed by the letter.
    So for me, amen sister!

  35. I guess for any relationship to flourish, you need balance! I found most of the points decent enough, but it requires two to tango…but submissive is probably a wrong choice of words…that implies an unequal relation….what do you say?

    1. Monsieur Le Know-All you are good and naughty at the same time! I was trying to stay relatively unbiased and without strong opinion for this one because I genuinely wanted to see what the general consensus was on this.
      I didn’t really want to sway the argument either way…at least for now.

      1. hehe…well…let’s just say that it takes one “good and naughty” to recognise another! 😀 😛 But, I sincerely wanted to know your opinion on this too….but, then again, it is a very passion-generating issue, and I have a feeling your answer would be somewhat similar to mine! 🙂

      2. He he! Well what can I say? Each to his or her own. Personally I would go for something with rather more equanimity and equality that went along the lines of each person’s ability and availability to perform tasks rather viewing than someone as my leader to serve.

  36. It’s sad that such a subject is needed, but it is now. I was listening to two downes syndromes (Females) speaking about a magazine article a few months ago, and though they could read, they could not understand. Their talk on the subject was just like the talk must be in Elton John and David Furnish’s bedroom though. Totally away from the man woman family life, more like the beast, but becoming increasingly more the norm every day. Good subject, I’m sorry to admit, Journal.

    1. Okay… Let me press you Yvonne…and I’m joshing with you a little. You are the second overt Bible reader who has commented in the affirmative to this lady’s thoughts without a personal opinion.
      Is that
      a) because when one reads the Bible one should not have a personal take on anything but should follow whatever it says blindly, or

      b) you just happen to agree with the lady this time or

      c) you had to put the tea on and didn’t have time for a longer answer anyways?

  39. Re-posting it because I can. Caveat – No offence intended. Sincerely. Might seem offensive though because of my stance.

    @motherhendiaries.
    “Submission is not about weakness – it is in fact strength.”
    I’m afraid I disagree with that statement of yours. There is something inherently wrong with viewing submission as a form of strength. Of course, it is not advised to be nit-picky and fight over the smallest details, but practicing a certain amount of self restraint doesn’t amount to being submissive. In other words, self restraint and submission are two different concepts.
    Here is the definition of submission with regard to this subject: the state of being obedient : the act of accepting the authority or control of someone else. (Other definitions available at http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/submission ).
    You may look up the definition of self restraint which basically means: restraint imposed by oneself on one’s own actions; self-control. (http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/self-restraint I’ve used the Oxford definition this time as Merriam had self- control and while the two may be interchangeable I wanted consistency)
    More over, while it’s a great ill to want a wife to be submissive to her husband, (as is wanted by most who have grown up and gotten used to the patriarchal system) this submissiveness may not even be warranted. A set of questions arises:
    1. Are man and woman equal beings? (most people have a hard time answering this question, though a majority answer in the affirmative. The affirmative being the right answer.)
    2. If yes, then why are women expected to be submissive or take the lower ground when it comes to men?
    3. In the same way, why must a woman act submissive when she is in the right? Do you ever hear people talk about how men are to be submissive to women even when they are wrong? Why this imbalance?
    In no way, am I asking that everyone start confronting their other halves and start arguing about who is right and wrong incessantly. But what I’m pointing out is the simple lack of rationale when it comes to asking women to be “submissive” for reasons unknown. A good marriage is all about compromise and understanding each other. The scales are to be balanced. A wife may at times exercise “self-restraint” and not chide her husband when the issue is irrelevant or she knows that that is not the appropriate time to bring up an argument. The same may be said for a man.
    As a woman in the 21st century, I fail to see how women can consistently keep viewing themselves as secondary beings. Equality. Equality. EQUALITY. It’s something I believe in wholeheartedly. This “you go girl” philosophy. Why is it wrong? Why is it wrong to ask a girl to certify her position?
    Why is it then okay for men to be all “you go boy”?
    No, no one is arguing that the girl should take the lead in the marriage or should suddenly start striving to be superior (as you’ve suggested that men should). Husband and wife should be equals. That’s my only premise. Why don’t you ever question why “men” have to be the leaders?
    1. Is it because they earn money? Well women do too these days. But even worse, if we say that a man should lead the family because he pays the bills what does that say? That money is what runs and determines the power balance family? In that case, wouldn’t a woman who earned the bread for her family be eligible to become the head of the family as well? Don’t get me wrong, I would never subscribe to such distasteful logic. I’m just pointing out the bases of the theory.
    2. Is it because they are physically stronger? Well, this one needs no more explaining. Perhaps in the past, when women were completely devoid and stripped of (even the little) independence they have today, men needed to defend their mates and children. Oh, that one is logical. The times then required it. Wild beasts were to be hunted, while the mother looked after the young. Not much of dynamics there. Men having more muscular strength were more suited for the defenders role back then. Who knows, perhaps there were women then who defied the norm too! (No offence to the men. We women, thank you very much for your role back then. Defense in this case though, doesn’t mean superiority. The two genders had two different roles they were carrying out. That is all). But things are different now. In this age, intellect and hard work defines all. there are jobs that don’t require such muscular power. Like the roles that were decided due to circumstances in the past, the present is surely the time of equality.
    3. I really can’t think of any other reasons.

    (ps – all the above arguments are unrelated to the marriage post and are only in reply to the poster above i.e. motherhendiaries?. I have a whole different set of arguments in reply to that but I won’t type them down now because I think I’ve typed enough for now.)

    I’d also like to add, that certain roles have been assigned lower ranks than others. As such, carrying them out or performing them is seen as an act by an inferior sex. I think that is false. Like I said earlier. Just because men hunted and women defended the children in the past that doesn’t mean one task was superior to the other. A woman who enjoys cooking food for her family, not because she is forced to or is being submissive, but simply because it is something she enjoys doing, shouldn’t be looked down on. It is only when women are assigned certain roles that really very flexible (like I said, cooking) and forced to perform them even when it makes no rational sense {example if the wife works till 8pm and the husband till 4pm, both at the same place having started at the same time and carrying out the same amount of work. Yet the cooking is expected to be done by the wife. As a corollary, I’ll just add that they have a child. Once again, not reiterating that the husband should do all the cooking (though, technically speaking, that is what is expected of women, though I will be kind enough to cut some slack because I’m not here to glorify one sex over the other) but they could perhaps come to an agreement as to what would be best suitable. Hiring a cook? Letting the wife cook on weekends and holidays? Then again, all up to the family} that the job starts becoming demeaning of a persons position.

    2. Ahh yes… the aforementioned firestorm! 🙂 Actually, EOM, we agree here much more than you would believe. I am well aware of the differences and similarities between submission and self-restraint, but, as you pointed out, they are also related in ways. I also agree with a later post which said perhaps “submisison” is the wrong term of use here. If you think I am a doormat and that I have no brain, that I despise cooking or cleaning — or managing our finances, paying bills and running a household — because I feel these things make me inferior in any way, you would be wrong. (Just ask my husband! haha!)

      But who says such jobs are demeaning? I surely did not. The role of a woman in the home and at the center of the family is valuable and should be valued! Do I treasure every pair of underpants I wash? Well, no… but then, my husband isn’t keen on a 2 hour commute each way to work every day either, but I don’t see him complaining. Much. Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do. It is called kindness. It is what you do when you love someone. You make sacrifices, large and small.

      A good marriage is a partnership. Mine has lasted nearly 30 years, and I look forward to it lasting much longer still. But goodness me, I am pretty sure what I said above has been taken just a tad out of context here. In any marriage – indeed, any partnership – there is give and take. And if there is not a large degree of understanding and flexibility, it will never work. If I am home late and it is dinnertime, don’t you suppose my strong, confident man can make his way to the cupboard and rustle up some dinner? Well of course he can! Unless it involves a propane grill and pre-seasoned steaks, he’s not the best cook, but the man won’t starve. Can I mow the lawn and prune trees and light bonfires and do all kinds of manly stuff? You bet.

      Is either one of us superior or inferior to the other? Absolutely not. We simply do different jobs. But those jobs are not defined by our sex so much as by our ability. We are not competitors. We are partners. I thought that fact should have been obvious. That is really what I meant when I mentioned “you go girl” or “you go boy” mentality. Either viewpoint is problemmatic in that it stirs up competition. Frankly, I don’t think competition with one’s marriage mate is particularly constructive. Certainly, I think we can agree that it is at worst destructive.

      Machinegunmama below has put her nail on the head – I do these things because I love and respect my husband and he loves and respects me as well. BALANCE here is the key. A woman is in every way equal to a man. She simply is. If I led you or anyone to believe otherwise, then you have my apologies. That is not sarcasm.

      I respect your views and appreciate the feedback. I shall use more care in commenting in future. But please, please do not put words in my mouth that were never there.

      Mother Hen

      1. Thanks for the reply to EOM Mother Hen! Small note, I never use ‘you go girl’ as a competitive thing personally – just supportive. I was surprised to hear you use it that way actually, but perhaps that’s where it’s usage stems from.

      2. I use it in a supportive way as well… but in this context, I meant the Jerry Springer usage, “no man’s gonna tell me…” z snaps, finger waving and talk to the hand. Right on par with misogynistic bull from the good ol’ boys. Both extremes are out of balance and potentially harmful. 🙂

      3. Z snaps! Love it! never heard that before but it’s so graphic you know immediately what it means lol!
        – Anyhoo back to the subject – thank you. I’ve enjoyed your take on the whole issue today. 🙂

      4. Sorry, that got sent too early (my evil tablet plus cold fingers haha!) .. meant to finish with how much I enjoyed the thread your post provoked. I was a little surprised at how much got read into literally one line of my comment, but am certainly not upset. It is always a good exercise of the grey matter to consider all sides of an issue. Thanks!

      5. That wasn’t really a firestorm. I just tend to type out a lot when I answer posts. I also did not insinuate that you were a doormat. I would like to rebut some of your arguments but as you haven’t really understood the gist of my argument which literally explains out a lot of what you had a problem with I won’t. Partially because I’ve returned home after an evening out a few hours ago and it’s 2am here and I have classes tomorrow. You should really reread my argument though, for further clarification. Esp., on the job being demeaning and the “you go girl” mentality. I’ve also reiterated my emphasis on balance and equality a lot through out which you seem to have over looked. I haven’t really put any words in your mouth. It would be nice if you pointed out areas where I did so. Corollary arguments were added for the sake of clarification and supplementing my answers. I mean no disrespect to you and congratulate you on the success of your marriage, based on principles on which aren’t on odds with mine. You were right when you said that we have ideals that are in common. I only addressed a few key issues though, Those being:
        1. submissiveness being mistaken as strength.
        2. You go girl philosophy
        3. Rationale behind men and women power balance.

      6. Sorry you have had a long day… I will visit your blog – actually, I feel pretty sure we are on more or less the same page, but verbage and symantics have got in the way. I have read your comments many times over and you make many valid points. Please don’t take offense… I surely haven’t. 🙂 Get some rest, my future friend… ‘sall good…
        Mother Hen

      8. I look forward to them! I told you we would be friends! We have raised 2 children & have 2 beautiful grandsons. Teenage angst and poetry are right up my alley. You will find humor, chickens and cats on my page… 🙂 but I have followers with plenty of teenaged angst… no worries. I’ll have to send you some of my son’s original music. Talk about poetic angst… 🙂 (actually, he’s pretty amazing..but I’m biased…)

      9. Hahaha 🙂 I’m very sorry if I seemed rude, especially considering my age. I suppose I used the internet and my anonymity as an excuse for my rudeness but I really do feel apologetic now for replying to your comment with that much zest. (Though to be honest, I really didn’t write it with feelings of maliciousness.) Very nice to hear about your lovely family! I too wish, to have children who grow up wonderfully when I have them. I fully understand the effort and intricacies that go into raising children. Well, not literally, but I understand that it is not an easy job. I sometimes, find myself wondering as to how my parents instilled certain morals in me without ever talking about it to me. (Yes, we’ve never had the bird and bees talk, but I am still very reserved with whom I choose to associate myself with.) Great job on raising such a wonderful family (taking that fact for granted)!

      11. Will do!! But having trouble finding your blog… ? Still searching… but you can p.m. me by clicking my gravatar profile on my page. You’re in for a treat (the music..not my page…haha!)

      14. I know,right? Who would have thought such vitriol would wind up so well! 🙂 Apologies for the spamfest, my patient friend.. and keep up your excellent work!

      16. Ah,yes, I meant no offense to you. I guess you could say every line in every argument is important. I usually over look small blunders but I am sometimes unable to remain passive if I see a flaw being painted as a virtue, because it leads to the suffering of so many people who continue to live life without reasserting their identities and never find out what real freedom is. Also because the public usually never question the basic premises of their moral philosophies or what they have read or have been exposed to.

  40. If women want to be submissive to their men, that’s fine, but nobody should be forced to do things against their will. There’s a subtle difference and its a fine line…

  41. My man is not beneath me and he is not above me, he is at my side. Nobody in our relationship is submissive. We respect each other, whe share tasks, we share responsibilities, what one cannot do, the other does (it feels good to help and be helped).

    And it works just fine.

    So no, I don’t subscribe. I have as much going on as my man, and I even earn more, I have planned for my future for a longer time than he has. Should I wear the pants for this reason? Should he be ‘submissive’ because I bring in more money, and work the same hours? No. I don’t want him submissive, I want him, as he is, my partner, my other half.

  44. Some things I agree with, like I think the phone should come off when you first come home. I think you should dedicate that first couple of hours to your family.

    She lost me however at ” or I’ll have the cook prepare something”…Not everyone can afford to have a cook. It’s pretty easy to say to put anybody first if you’re paying for a lot of other people to support you.

      1. I’m pretty sure that if she has her own personal cook, she probably also has someone taking care of the house chores, that alone takes a brick house weight off of any working woman’s shoulder. My normal day goes like this: Get up at 5:45am to commute for about an hour and make it to work at 8am, then speed out at 4pm to commute another hour back home in time to pick up my son from after school care before 6pm, then speed home to start cooking (if I forgot to defrost the meat we are in for a longer wait), while I’m preparing dinner, I have to supervise my son’s homework and assist him with his school work, get him to take the trash out, answer all his questions of the day, clean the house a little bit, follow up on my blogging, email, phone calls, give my son dinner, pack food for lunch the next day, do the dishes, get my son to take a shower and get him ready to bed, take a shower myself…. all of this before my partner gets home late at night, I am drained as hell!!! Believe me, no time to look sexy or anything else but thinking about going to bed to start all over again the next day!. Who is she trying to fool???

      2. Thanks Meryland, it does seem a little impractical, but perhaps in her world you wouldn’t be working anyways, although I know that SHE works as she mentions that it is clearly not considered as important as her hubby’s work.

  45. a woman should be only what she wants to be. no one need to tell her what to do, if forced then it’s a shame for society. she is a shame if she pretends something else for herself.

  46. Well, as a husband, I might be slightly biased, but I genuinely don’t have any issues with what the good doctor is saying…As a matter of fact I would like to add a few more tips, but as an intelligent man, with a wonderful wife, I would prefer to keep our relationship in the happy, non-confrontational zone where it is at the moment.

    Who knows what blogs she might be reading…and what her comments would be….hehe.
    This is going to become VERY entertaining.

      1. Ah, that reference really melts my heart…You’re too kind.

        I will show the wife this post…just so she understands which areas she needs to work on. (Is she looking?)

      6. Yeah technically they should be,but few of our friends say otherwise too(other replies).
        If you say so,then i must say clever rather than sensible,and again you may ask arent all husbands clever.LOL

  47. Your career does not come first? But, his sure as hell does I bet.. I do not nag my husband because it’s rude and unproductive.

    Follow his lead? Now, that is dumb.

    You may be married to the best man in the world but some people are not natural leaders and others are.

    I am a natural leader and I make most of the decisions in the house because I am more qualified to do so. In a marriage each partner should do what they are good at, not lead or follow.

    Marriage is a working relationship as much an emotional partnership.. Clearly defined roles based upon talent, aptitude and education usually make for a very streamlined partnership.

    Roles are not gender based.. The assertion that they are is asinine and outdated.

  48. I’m sure her marriage is happier than many for applying what she has advised. This advice is not new. It is “Bible Principles 101”. The biggest problem with submission is the warped view the world has created around the word itself. Submission is not about weakness – it is in fact strength. Fighting every corner and choosing to battle over the little things is merely a lack of self-control – the epitome of weakness. But consider Mahatma Gandhi. Consider Christ. This is not to say it is ok for a husband to be a bully or to treat his wife like a doormat. Quite the opposite. A strong, confident man who is loved and valued by his wife treats her like a queen. Seriously – he really does! This lady’s advice is bound to attract a firestorm, sadly, in large part because many men have no clue how to be an appropriate leader for their own families, and as many women subscribe to “you go girl!” philosophy. But when the balance is right, IT WORKS. Try applying a few of these tips… start with “don’t be a nag” and “show appreciation” and see if things don’t improve! “The proof of the pudding is in the eating”…or as the Yanks say, “don’t knock it until you try it.”

    1. Thank you MHD! But like you say the problem is the balance does NOT always work, so to apply this as a general rule of thumb will probably not gain desirable results all round for all. But I’m open to folks’ views on this.

  49. Some of the things are true. Such as the meal making. Yes if he’s late back from work. Looking sexy? We all like a bit but trying to be all the time oppresses women’s true beauty. What it should be is an equal relationship. More and more men are cooking and more women work full time. Many women don’t have time for the fussy bits. You can save looking sexy for times appropriate. Also I don’t feel women should follow a mans lead, they’re not any less of a person. They’re entitled to male decisions; a marriage is commitment and not everything will be agreed during the time together.

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