Let’s say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening…
when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”
And then, there is silence in the car.To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.
And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards, I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Fred is thinking: …so that means it was…let’s see…February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means…lemme check the odometer…Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Martha is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed – even before I sensed it – that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.
And Fred is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Martha is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.
And Fred is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty…scumballs.
And Martha is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their…
“Fred,” Martha says aloud.
“What?” says Fred, startled.
“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have…oh dear, I feel so…”(She breaks down, sobbing.)
“What?” says Fred.
“I’m such a fool,” Martha sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”
“There’s no horse?” says Fred.
“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Martha says.
“No!” says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.
“It’s just that…it’s that I…I need some time,” Martha says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
“Yes,” he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
“Oh, Fred, do you really feel that way?” she says.
“What way?” says Fred.
“That way about time,” says Martha.
“Oh,” says Fred. “Yes.” (Martha turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
“Thank you, Fred,” she says.
“Thank you,” says Fred.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Fred gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it.
The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.
They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.
Meanwhile, Fred, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: “Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?”
And that’s the difference between men and women.
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by Dave Barry
From his:Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys: A Fairly Short Book
My 27 year-old son recently asked me what to get for his girlfriend of over a year. “Jewellery”, I responded. “Oh no, Mom!” he said, “she told me she doesn’t want jewellery.” He has so much to learn.
Lol! Although in my case it would definitely be true. Maybe she is for real?
HAHAHAHAHA! You are hiliarous! Yes we women all have this in common. So funny!
When are you writing a book? I love your posts!
When they invent 46 hour days! π
Hahaha! I just love it…
π
Reblogged this on the Growing daily and commented:
If this wasn’t so true, I’d be slightly offended haha. Who can relate??
Omg, why do we torture ourselves like that?! As I read the post I thought of 2-3 instances (maybe more) where I too was stuck in my thoughts of nonsense. Hahah this was great, funny read! Thanks for sharing π
Lol! You’re welcome. π
This is hilarious! Thank you for a good laugh. The dialogue is quite insightful, as well! π
I re-blogged this at crystalknauss.wordpress.com.
Thank you for visiting my site and for the follow!
Thank you and you’re welcome for the laugh!
Reblogged this on A Journey of Faith and commented:
This is hilarious, and definitely rings true. Please read for a good laugh, and possibly even some insight! π
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You are so funny! Love the article. Thanks for following my blog.
π
Love it. This is so cool, and so true. We women overthink everything. For more fun reading, check out “Men are LIke Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti.” Can’t remember authors names, but funny and true. I’ll be following. Thanks.
Thank you!
Wow, I can so relate! Thanks for sharing!
The best! Love it.
So funny that I laughed out loud. And of course it’s true otherwise it wouldn’t be so funny!
Just what we all need a little more humor in our relationships; sometimes we need to let our hair down and defenses and enjoy just being! Too cute!! and Thanks for breaking the ice(:
Oh how true! Why so serious? π
This is so accurate
π
Reblogged this on Thoughts of the Innocent and commented:
Wonderful article. So very true
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Haha…this is so very true..thank you for following my blog and for this humorous post, you have a very nice blog, have a pleasant day. π
Thanks Shibu! π
Reblogged this on Shallow Readers and commented:
A hilarious post on the gender divide.
I’m shallow, so I don’t pretend to understand the opposite sex. Looks like they don’t get me either.
Lol! π
Hilarious! But true. I’ll keep this in mind when I talk to a guy, lol.
π
Reblogged this on Sex and Relationship Therapist.
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You nailed that one!
π
Very funny, however – βDo you realize that, as of tonight, weβve been seeing each other for exactly six months?β – This, I’m very sure WAS premeditated.
http://www.projectbenjamin.com
Hey that threw me for a second! I was thinking ‘I’ve been dating projectbenjamin and I didn’t know it?!!’ – but I hear you! π
Reblogged this on Veronica Haidar and commented:
Read this on The Journal’s blog – it’s brilliant and absolutely hilarious!
Thanks Veronica! π
Made things so much easier once I figured out I’ll never figure out how my husband thinks. It only took about 44 years.
Oh well, that’s no time at all in the scheme of things! π
Thanks for following my blog.
π
This really is perfect! I needed that laugh! Thanks so much for reading and following my blog. It is a wonderful opportunity to read through yours and see the variety of your writing and topics. All the Best!
Hi E Queen! π
Lolz! it was amusing! gosh π
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Loved. You make me laugh so much.
Great stuff! π
Reblogged this on Dream-Anchor Blog and commented:
And this ladies and gentlemen…is the difference between men and women! π
Insightful and quite entertaining; I wanted to keep reading to discover your ending. Well done.
[…] came across this short narration in (The Editors Journal)Β that clearly describes the difference between a man and a woman. This is exactly what we […]
Hahahahaha…just couldn’t stop laughing. It is so true! π Very well written and it actually got us involved in the situation. Thank you! π We’re reblogging it.
It IS well written isn’t it! π
Yes. This short scene inspired us to relate it with our own life and come up with our post titled “The Tussle between Venus and Mars”. We have included your story in our post. Hope you received the pingback. Thank you again for posting this. It is amazingly very true! π
I did indeed. I read it yesterday and was pondering my response when some itinerant family munchkins blasted in and took my attention…
You seem to have a lovely relationship.
Reblogged this on mkhana in transit and commented:
How true. Ladies, think about this one…
Yup π
Succinct. I like it.
Greetings from the professor! Too true Sir! How are you this fine morning anyhow?
Reblogged this on Mitch Teemley and commented:
OK, so this girl/dude conversation by Dave Barry recycles stereotypes–women are complicated and insecure; men are uncomplicated…boobs. But, dang, it’s a hoot!
First time I’ve re-blogged. Be kind.
LMAO.. umm did you have a hidden telekinetic camera in the car with my ex boyfriend and me?? Thanks.. I hope I can remember this the next time I’m in that situation
You and a number cars! π
Hmmmm
I somehow fall into the Martha category. Is it because I am gay? I don’t know but I am a man and I almost always have fallen into the Martha part of this equation. It’s a hilarious story, but I think men are as capable of being Martha as any woman is and that it’s possible that a woman could fall into the Fred role. Whether straight or gay. Is it not possible that one is more into the relationship or feels more insecure? I don’t know but can tell you I’m usually the Martha.
No absolutely. But I think this is the more popular generalization.
I think I will use this with a couple preparing for marriage. LOL
interesting usage! π
Reblogged this on Abluckyi's Blog and commented:
This is an awesome piece. Haven’t seen a guy/lady analysis put in such a hilarious yet almost correct way….*winks*
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This is brilliant, it made me laugh out loud π
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While I was reading this I was at my office…I wanted to laugh really hard because this epic kicks the laughs out of your stomach.
I am a girl though, but then you know ‘what is true is true’ there is no other way out! π loved this!
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Oh my gosh, that had me in tears of laughter! Brilliant, just brilliant!
π
Reblogged this on Stupidityflowering and commented:
Yup
Reblogged this on Ajibola abiodun's Blog.
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This is hysterical! I love it! I am still laughing. What wonderful wit! Thank you for entertaining and educating me!
You’re welcome Delores! π
Very True π
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HAHA. Very true. It made me think of my experience in college when I have a very close friend who I love to be with. Unfortunately, we stop seeing each other now since the day of our graduation. That’s sad. But, someday we’ll see each other again. Hopefully.
It’s a shame when you look back on friends that got lost on the way isn’t it?
How true! The subject changes from time to time but the outcome seems to be the same. We just keep plugging along. Thirty-eight years on the 17th. Thanks for following my blog. I look forward to reading your other articles.
I could always read my husband’s mind, why couldn’t he read mine? π Mind you , we once had a terrible argument but by the end of it, he apologised for something I said. He said the safest answer to any question was “Yes”. He was so funny. Love forgives faults and all, we had that for 44 years. Thanks for the follow.
Maybe men CAN read their lady’s mind and it’s all been a dastardly trick!! π― π
You might be right. He used to offer to wash up but never did it properly so I did it.
Oh that old chestnut. They’ve been doing that one for years!
Very funny and very true. I’ve met a few Martha’s and Fred’s in my coaching practice…Thanks for following my blog. I look forward to reading yours.
Thanks Nancy! π
Reblogged this on Portable Musings and commented:
Funny & ohhhhh so true!
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